I thought I was ready for Day 1 of summer vacation. I had a few things scheduled and thought we could just have "fun" the rest of the time. As much as I tried, the "fun" I had envisioned seemed pretty hard to come by.
Turns out I wasn't as prepared for Day 1 as I thought I was. By the end of the day I had a son with a black eye, a daughter with no clue as to how her behavior was impacting others, and an unsavory feeling in the pit of my stomach.
My husband came home with a fresh perspective and tried to talk us down off the ledge. It is always helpful to have a burst of positivity come through the door following a really rough day. After the kids were in bed, we continued to discuss how to make things better with the babe. The conversation continued on this morning after I realized that the little guy's eye was worse than I had thought (needless to say, the babe had smacked his eye with something during a rather violent and chaotic play date). My husband and I decided that all the talk about "being good," "doing good listening," "no yelling and hitting," wasn't getting us anywhere. In fact it may be hurting us as we struggle to get through to her. All this non-stop pressure to be a "good kid" has her acting exactly the opposite.
So we're going to try dropping all the "blah, blah, blah" and see how that goes. I am sick of the sound of my own nagging voice so this is coming at a great time for me. Another idea we're kicking around is just dropping down to our knees and hugging our little girl. Where I would have lost my cool and gone off on her before, I am now going to try and get ahead of the situation and hug her when things seem to be taking a turn for the worse. It will be a huge challenge for me as I don't usually feel like hugging when things are headed South. So perhaps it will be good for both of us in the end.
Things have been going better today. I am reminding myself that I am the adult and have to lead by example. And I am trying to remember that my kids are kids and aren't usually acting out to get back at me. They just don't know how to control their emotions, and I supposedly do. My job is to teach them. And the next 6 weeks is my chance to practice being the best Mama and person that I can be. I think it's going to be the only way to make it to Labor Day.
So hang in there with me. And please forgive my occasional rants. Sometimes I just need to get it out and remember that it's not all about me and that I am not the only parent out there with a "spirited child." Thanks for reading and please know that your thoughts are always welcome ( I won't hide it, I LOVE getting comments on my posts!).
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Sweet, Sweet, Saturday and Sullen, Snotty Sunday
It was bliss. Last Saturday was a postcard Saturday. It was the kind of summer Saturday I used to dream of having. A perfect day. A lovely sleep in. Well behaved children. Drinks on the patio under our new umbrella. Kids playing in the kiddie pool and sliding into the water with glee. BBQ dinner. Good conversation. Many laughs. Many smiles. All around great vibes.
As my husband said on Sunday though, I suppose we had such a lovely time that we have to pay for it now. Sunday was one of those days I never used to dream of having. The kids were cranky and misbehaved. In fact, the babe even screamed that she is going to be a better Mother than me when she grows up. Keep in mind this was as I was loading her into the car for a morning play date at the park (what kind of Mother does that, anyway?). I shut the car door and announced to the empty streets that I hope my daughter IS a better Mama than me one day. Always room for improvement.
My husband and I were wiped out. It was hot and muggy. We ended up canceling our planned trip to the Outback Steakhouse because the babe had pushed us too far. We even cancelled dessert and story time for good measure. And for some strange reason the kids weren't as into the US vs Japan soccer game as my husband and I were. Overall, it was not a feel good day. I was totally ready for Monday when it came.
Sadly Monday came and the misery continued. It is amazing that one child's behavior has the ability to knock the rest of the family from their feel good place, but there it is. I can only hope that my continued efforts to get through to my little girl will eventually succeed.
Not sure if it's the fact that we're facing the last week of summer school, or the fact that it is truly miserably hot and humid, but we need to figure out a way for the babe to be happy so the rest of us can be happy, because I am not interested in being held hostage by her extreme moodiness, lack of respect and inability to listen to simple instructions. I understand children need to test limits, but I am getting tired of upholding them all the time.
All that said, I do try and remind myself, just as she reminded us the other day, the babe is, after all, only four and a half. I don't remember what it's like to be that age, but I assume it must be a mix of awesome and terrible. At the end of the day, I truly hope I can recreate more sweet, sweet Saturdays and help us all find some inner peace. Ideas are always welcome!
As my husband said on Sunday though, I suppose we had such a lovely time that we have to pay for it now. Sunday was one of those days I never used to dream of having. The kids were cranky and misbehaved. In fact, the babe even screamed that she is going to be a better Mother than me when she grows up. Keep in mind this was as I was loading her into the car for a morning play date at the park (what kind of Mother does that, anyway?). I shut the car door and announced to the empty streets that I hope my daughter IS a better Mama than me one day. Always room for improvement.
My husband and I were wiped out. It was hot and muggy. We ended up canceling our planned trip to the Outback Steakhouse because the babe had pushed us too far. We even cancelled dessert and story time for good measure. And for some strange reason the kids weren't as into the US vs Japan soccer game as my husband and I were. Overall, it was not a feel good day. I was totally ready for Monday when it came.
Sadly Monday came and the misery continued. It is amazing that one child's behavior has the ability to knock the rest of the family from their feel good place, but there it is. I can only hope that my continued efforts to get through to my little girl will eventually succeed.
Not sure if it's the fact that we're facing the last week of summer school, or the fact that it is truly miserably hot and humid, but we need to figure out a way for the babe to be happy so the rest of us can be happy, because I am not interested in being held hostage by her extreme moodiness, lack of respect and inability to listen to simple instructions. I understand children need to test limits, but I am getting tired of upholding them all the time.
All that said, I do try and remind myself, just as she reminded us the other day, the babe is, after all, only four and a half. I don't remember what it's like to be that age, but I assume it must be a mix of awesome and terrible. At the end of the day, I truly hope I can recreate more sweet, sweet Saturdays and help us all find some inner peace. Ideas are always welcome!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Parenting Pointers
A few weeks ago I was having a hard time remembering all the things I'm supposed to be doing to be an awesome Mom. So I jotted down some bullet points from my parenting classes and taped them up on the kitchen wall. I meant to share them here for Mother's Day, but was too busy having an awesome time by myself at the outlet mall (thanks to my husband for allowing me to take off for 7 hours--the best Mother's Day present I could have asked for!).
I hope some (or all) of the following points are helpful:
Remember:
I hope some (or all) of the following points are helpful:
Remember:
- Be a role model
- Act more and talk less
- Love the kids when they least deserve it because that's when they need it the most
- Appreciate and acknowledge effort
- Kids love being useful so put them to work
- Be firm but friendly
- Ask kids for their ideas
- Make time to play
- Set the stage for success
- Actively listen to them
- Mistakes are OK--it's how we learn
- Connection then correction
- Encourage, encourage. Not praise, praise.
- Explain "when...then..." For instance, "when you finish cleaning your room, then we can go to the park."
- Set limits and don't back down under pressure
- Train kids so they can be involved. Teach them responsibility
- Use a timer (like setting your cell phone alarm to go off when it's time to leave the park)
- Use reverse psychology
- Be more playful--make a joke to diffuse the tension
- Respect each other
- Let kids make choices
- Explain "either...or..." For instance, "either you wear the blue sweater or the green one. Your choice."
- Discipline, not punishment
- Be more specific so they can replicate the action in the future. For instance, "I noticed that..."
- Focus on the process, not the final product
- See things from their point of view and recognize their feelings
- Smiles, hugs, and kisses go a long way
- Stand back and don't rush in to rescue them
- Don't hold a grudge
- Simplify the kids environment
- Set realistic expectations
- Plan ahead so things can go smoothly
- Allow kids to experience the natural consequences of their actions
- Redirect attention
- Allow time for transitions
- Anticipate and prepare for difficult situations
- Stick to the routine
- Do not blow your stack when kids try to engage you in a battle--lead by example
- Have the courage to be imperfect
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Cute Things
My son turned 20 months old today, so I was planning on going on about that. There's a lot I could say about the fact that 20 months have quickly passed us by, but I think I want to share a few very cute stories about the babe, instead.
As we were driving to the park this morning, the babe asked if I could open her window (we finally had a fresh day today). I opened it less than half way. She was trying to stick her hands toward the outside and asked if I could open it just a bit more. I complied with her request and put it down a bit more. She then told me it was good to get fresh air into her bones. After being stuck indoors because of the RIDICULOUS WEATHER that we have experienced in DC this summer, all I can say is, how true my love, how very true.
We had a lovely play date at the park, but sadly the babe didn't listen when it was time to leave. Despite the fact she had promised she would leave when I said it was time to go (yes, I had believed her when she made the promise), the babe was completely rude and uncooperative. I was fuming mad when we finally got to the car after her little episode and proceeded to ban all treats, desserts, hanging out in the bath tub at bed time playing, and bed time stories (no, not forever. Just for today).
I was reiterating these punishments as we got back from the hardware store just before dinner. It was pretty late and I had a bunch of stuff to do in the kitchen, so I mentioned she was allowed to watch TV while I prepared dinner. She looked at me very serious like, and said, "but TV is dessert for the eyes, Mama."
All I can say is, how true my love, how very true.
As we were driving to the park this morning, the babe asked if I could open her window (we finally had a fresh day today). I opened it less than half way. She was trying to stick her hands toward the outside and asked if I could open it just a bit more. I complied with her request and put it down a bit more. She then told me it was good to get fresh air into her bones. After being stuck indoors because of the RIDICULOUS WEATHER that we have experienced in DC this summer, all I can say is, how true my love, how very true.
We had a lovely play date at the park, but sadly the babe didn't listen when it was time to leave. Despite the fact she had promised she would leave when I said it was time to go (yes, I had believed her when she made the promise), the babe was completely rude and uncooperative. I was fuming mad when we finally got to the car after her little episode and proceeded to ban all treats, desserts, hanging out in the bath tub at bed time playing, and bed time stories (no, not forever. Just for today).
I was reiterating these punishments as we got back from the hardware store just before dinner. It was pretty late and I had a bunch of stuff to do in the kitchen, so I mentioned she was allowed to watch TV while I prepared dinner. She looked at me very serious like, and said, "but TV is dessert for the eyes, Mama."
All I can say is, how true my love, how very true.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
The Love
This morning the babe told me she doesn't love me. Her exact words were, "I don't love you." She was pretty clear, but I was luckily able to just let it roll off me. I was surprised, as it was the first time, but I had expected it would happen eventually. It was a bit of a rough morning. I tried my best but know that I was at fault as much as she was.
I've mentioned that I find weekends difficult as a Stay-at-Home Mother, and this weekend reminded me why. Having all 4 of us home for 2 days just seems like a long time. Kids don't given parents much of a break, even if the parents need a break. These early childhood years can be both brilliant and challenging. I always hope for more brilliance and less challenge, but it doesn't always work out that way. Especially on the weekend!
I commented to my husband this evening that it felt like we were living in an insane asylum (the kids were running around chasing each other and screaming at the tops of their lungs). But I followed up with the fact that I was glad we had had the little guy so close to the babe so they could be buddies. As much as they drive each other nuts, and drive us, their parents, nuts, I suppose it's all good in the end. I have been told we will look back at these years with fondness. And while that may be hard to understand right now, I have no doubt that it will prove true (even if my daughter declares she does not love me while I am trying to enjoy my morning coffee).
I've mentioned that I find weekends difficult as a Stay-at-Home Mother, and this weekend reminded me why. Having all 4 of us home for 2 days just seems like a long time. Kids don't given parents much of a break, even if the parents need a break. These early childhood years can be both brilliant and challenging. I always hope for more brilliance and less challenge, but it doesn't always work out that way. Especially on the weekend!
I commented to my husband this evening that it felt like we were living in an insane asylum (the kids were running around chasing each other and screaming at the tops of their lungs). But I followed up with the fact that I was glad we had had the little guy so close to the babe so they could be buddies. As much as they drive each other nuts, and drive us, their parents, nuts, I suppose it's all good in the end. I have been told we will look back at these years with fondness. And while that may be hard to understand right now, I have no doubt that it will prove true (even if my daughter declares she does not love me while I am trying to enjoy my morning coffee).
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Holding a Grudge
I have been known to hold a grudge. It's not a good thing, and I don't intentionally do it, I'm just saying it can happen.
That's why it's so difficult having young kids. They can do things that hurt you physically as well as emotionally. The babe has told me many times over the past week and a half that she likes school more than being at home. And she likes hanging out with her friends better than being stuck at home with me. I get it. I like school better as well. But August is a month we must all spend together and I'm trying to make the best of it, despite the weather.
I did a rare thing today and lay down on the couch in front of both my kids. The little guy brought me a blanket and tried to tuck me in and give me kisses. The babe abandoned her play doh and ran over to get in on the action. Before I knew it they were both crawling all over and suffocating me. I was handling it all pretty well until the babe started pulling my hair. I asked her to stop, telling her it was hurting me, but she didn't stop. With about 60 pounds of weight on my upper body I wasn't able to pull her off effectively. In the end I got them off but not before I had lost some hair as well as my temper. I suppose kids like to push things past the limit because they don't understand where the limit is.
The babe acted as if nothing big had happened and continued on. I tried to talk to her and explain I didn't appreciate having my hair pulled out. As she walked back to her play doh in the dining room I realized that sometimes I need to let things go. My kids are little. And while I am trying to teach them how to be good people, it doesn't all click in overnight. I cannot hold a grudge against them because they said or did the wrong thing. It is my job to teach them to be good, honest, respectful, loving people who do not hold grudges.
So next time they are being ridiculous, I am going to try and check in with myself and remember, THEY ARE JUST LITTLE KIDS. I need to keep my very high expectations in check. Before I know it, they will be grown and I will miss their precious innocence and imperfections. Hopefully I'll still have the hair on my head.
That's why it's so difficult having young kids. They can do things that hurt you physically as well as emotionally. The babe has told me many times over the past week and a half that she likes school more than being at home. And she likes hanging out with her friends better than being stuck at home with me. I get it. I like school better as well. But August is a month we must all spend together and I'm trying to make the best of it, despite the weather.
I did a rare thing today and lay down on the couch in front of both my kids. The little guy brought me a blanket and tried to tuck me in and give me kisses. The babe abandoned her play doh and ran over to get in on the action. Before I knew it they were both crawling all over and suffocating me. I was handling it all pretty well until the babe started pulling my hair. I asked her to stop, telling her it was hurting me, but she didn't stop. With about 60 pounds of weight on my upper body I wasn't able to pull her off effectively. In the end I got them off but not before I had lost some hair as well as my temper. I suppose kids like to push things past the limit because they don't understand where the limit is.
The babe acted as if nothing big had happened and continued on. I tried to talk to her and explain I didn't appreciate having my hair pulled out. As she walked back to her play doh in the dining room I realized that sometimes I need to let things go. My kids are little. And while I am trying to teach them how to be good people, it doesn't all click in overnight. I cannot hold a grudge against them because they said or did the wrong thing. It is my job to teach them to be good, honest, respectful, loving people who do not hold grudges.
So next time they are being ridiculous, I am going to try and check in with myself and remember, THEY ARE JUST LITTLE KIDS. I need to keep my very high expectations in check. Before I know it, they will be grown and I will miss their precious innocence and imperfections. Hopefully I'll still have the hair on my head.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Good Day?
I was super nervous as I drove to school to pick the babe up today. Would I be having another "meeting" with the babe's new teacher? Please, please, please let today be a good day.
I entered the school and the babe was already waiting for me. She ran to me screaming her happy "Mama!" Then she told me she was a good girl at school today. I looked up to scan the various school official's faces. They checked in with the babe's teacher who was busy with some other kids. She nodded and said that they had had a good day. The babe was good. I was happy. So off to the park we went to celebrate. Yes, it was literally 100 degrees Fahrenheit, but we needed to play on the monkey bars, dammit!
Things went mostly OK (I did receive some attitude from the babe about my pushing technique on the swings) and we had a good 'oll sweaty time. The air conditioned car ride home was a big change from yesterday's.
I felt good and was psyched to tell my husband about the babe and her behavior. And things WERE good until 15 minutes before my husband got home. The little guy hurt himself (AGAIN) and I went to help him out (he was screaming in pain and bleeding, after all). The babe started screaming, "I'm JEALOUS!!!!" and when I told her to calm down and that I was helping her brother she proceeded to throw a few things at me. They were inconsequential, all except the last one...a large purple "Little People" car that smashed against my foot. I screamed in pain and in shock and dragged her (while carrying the crying and bleeding little guy) to the stairs where I left her to scream and generally freak out.
Last night had drained the crap out of me and I was so looking forward to getting through today without any drama. But alas, my husband came home to a bad situation. And again, the babe was put to bed without any stories, chats, or anything special at all. We explained the situation to her and left her to go to sleep. We didn't hear a peep out of her and she's up there in dream land right now. When asked if she knew why we were so upset with her, she had the right answer. I just don't know how we are supposed to accelerate the development of the part of her brain which tells her to stop before it's too late. I know it takes time, but her automatic response seems to be physical, and I just don't want to deal with it anymore.
Tomorrow we will continue to work on USING OUR WORDS and GIVING OUR MESSAGES. Hopefully our persistence and attempts at patience will pay off. Because if every week is going to be like this week, I don't know how we'll manage. I just have to remind myself that this is just a phase and the challenges of parenthood will continue to change. For now, I remain grateful for my family because at the end of the day, it is not that bad.
I entered the school and the babe was already waiting for me. She ran to me screaming her happy "Mama!" Then she told me she was a good girl at school today. I looked up to scan the various school official's faces. They checked in with the babe's teacher who was busy with some other kids. She nodded and said that they had had a good day. The babe was good. I was happy. So off to the park we went to celebrate. Yes, it was literally 100 degrees Fahrenheit, but we needed to play on the monkey bars, dammit!
Things went mostly OK (I did receive some attitude from the babe about my pushing technique on the swings) and we had a good 'oll sweaty time. The air conditioned car ride home was a big change from yesterday's.
I felt good and was psyched to tell my husband about the babe and her behavior. And things WERE good until 15 minutes before my husband got home. The little guy hurt himself (AGAIN) and I went to help him out (he was screaming in pain and bleeding, after all). The babe started screaming, "I'm JEALOUS!!!!" and when I told her to calm down and that I was helping her brother she proceeded to throw a few things at me. They were inconsequential, all except the last one...a large purple "Little People" car that smashed against my foot. I screamed in pain and in shock and dragged her (while carrying the crying and bleeding little guy) to the stairs where I left her to scream and generally freak out.
Last night had drained the crap out of me and I was so looking forward to getting through today without any drama. But alas, my husband came home to a bad situation. And again, the babe was put to bed without any stories, chats, or anything special at all. We explained the situation to her and left her to go to sleep. We didn't hear a peep out of her and she's up there in dream land right now. When asked if she knew why we were so upset with her, she had the right answer. I just don't know how we are supposed to accelerate the development of the part of her brain which tells her to stop before it's too late. I know it takes time, but her automatic response seems to be physical, and I just don't want to deal with it anymore.
Tomorrow we will continue to work on USING OUR WORDS and GIVING OUR MESSAGES. Hopefully our persistence and attempts at patience will pay off. Because if every week is going to be like this week, I don't know how we'll manage. I just have to remind myself that this is just a phase and the challenges of parenthood will continue to change. For now, I remain grateful for my family because at the end of the day, it is not that bad.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
She's Come Undone
It's been a rough few days here at Casa Ryan Jyoti.
A little back ground. The babe's school is divided into the 10 month and 11 month programs. Last week the 10 month program ended and the 11 month program kids (like the babe) had a few days off. They were back at school this past Monday in consolidated classrooms with a change in the teaching line up. The babe is lucky because she kept one of her best teachers while also acquiring a new teacher. The babe has changed classrooms but many of her friends are still with her in the 11 month program. Sadly, the babe has hurt 2 of her close friends in her class this week.
Yesterday I left to pick up the babe and was expecting the usual drill. Except it wasn't. I was told that the babe's new teacher wanted to speak with me. My heart started thumping and I felt like I had been called to the Principal's office. I knew it wasn't going to be good news, and it wasn't. The babe had bitten one of her friends. The bite did not break the skin and they did not suspend her. So there I was holding onto the squirming, whiny little guy, while trying to figure out what happened, and trying to hold an appropriate conversation with the teacher. I gotta tell ya, it was hard to keep it together.
We had our last soccer practice after school so I decided it was important to finish up that commitment and deal with punishment when we got home. We talked about what had happened in the car ride and I felt we had made some progress. Soccer was great (a substitute coach made a huge difference) and gave us the fresh perspective we needed. I felt that my husband and I had gotten through to her by the end of the day.
I had pretty high hopes for today and didn't expect to see the babe's teacher coming down to talk to me again at pick up time. But there she was, wanting to talk to me about the babe's behavior. Apparently the babe was hitting one of her friends today, and didn't stop when the teacher got involved. Not good. I was told the same thing again. The babe needs to work on using her words and to communicate her "message" instead of using her body. And again, I am sitting there trying to hold the squirming little guy, while holding an important conversation with the babe's new teacher. Oh, and yes, I'm trying to keep it together again.
The babe was there for the whole conversation this time. I started asking her some questions but she wasn't really listening to me. I then asked why she wasn't paying attention to me and she told me that what I was saying was "boring." The teacher is standing there watching and asking the babe to listen to my message, and I am just sinking into the ground.
Things got worse in the car ride home. Despite the fact I was armed and ready for a trip to the park, I had to cancel this venture as it no longer seemed appropriate. The babe was not happy with this and proceeded to cry and scream the whole way home. She then threw her water bottle to the front of the car. The bottle hit the gear shift and the car went into neutral. Then she took off her shoes and threw them at me (one at a time). And then a few toys from the entertainment basket I keep between the kids car seats. Seriously, what was I supposed to do?
We made it into the house in one piece and I explained she was going to be punished. No TV, no dessert, no bed time stories. The next 3 hours were filled with many highs and lows. I kept trying to talk about what was happening at school and to figure her out. Just when I thought things were on the up and up, the babe bit her brother's wrist because she was angry at the fact I wasn't going to let her "wash" any more dishes. Needless to say I was in shock. After all the discussions we've had about not hurting other people and using our words to communicate our message, it felt like nothing was getting through to her.
When my husband got home and I gave him the down low, the babe was punished; left in the stairway to scream and cry. It was really rough and I just focused on getting the little guy to bed. My husband gave the babe a bath and put her to bed....no talking, no stories. It was so hard and she fell asleep still doing that snotty nose/shake thing you do after you've been crying for a long time. It breaks my heart and I am at a loss. I hope the message has gotten through to her now.
The thing I don't understand is that we were doing so well. Since the biting incident last month, we had been on an upswing. We were enjoying our time together and I thought we were past all this garbage. But the time off last week, combined with me leaving last weekend, and starting in a new classroom with one new teacher this week has apparently thrown her back into her multiple personalities. One girl is the sweetest, kindest most intelligent and considerate kid. And the other is just a mean, physically aggressive psychopath. Days like this make me question my parenting abilities and leave me with a twisted stomach and tightened jaw. It sucks to feel so helpless.
I am going to keep trying to help the babe use her words and give her "messages," because I really don't know what the alternative is right now. I just went up to check on her sleeping, and it's amazing how peaceful she is now. She's my baby girl and we're going to sort it out.
A little back ground. The babe's school is divided into the 10 month and 11 month programs. Last week the 10 month program ended and the 11 month program kids (like the babe) had a few days off. They were back at school this past Monday in consolidated classrooms with a change in the teaching line up. The babe is lucky because she kept one of her best teachers while also acquiring a new teacher. The babe has changed classrooms but many of her friends are still with her in the 11 month program. Sadly, the babe has hurt 2 of her close friends in her class this week.
Yesterday I left to pick up the babe and was expecting the usual drill. Except it wasn't. I was told that the babe's new teacher wanted to speak with me. My heart started thumping and I felt like I had been called to the Principal's office. I knew it wasn't going to be good news, and it wasn't. The babe had bitten one of her friends. The bite did not break the skin and they did not suspend her. So there I was holding onto the squirming, whiny little guy, while trying to figure out what happened, and trying to hold an appropriate conversation with the teacher. I gotta tell ya, it was hard to keep it together.
We had our last soccer practice after school so I decided it was important to finish up that commitment and deal with punishment when we got home. We talked about what had happened in the car ride and I felt we had made some progress. Soccer was great (a substitute coach made a huge difference) and gave us the fresh perspective we needed. I felt that my husband and I had gotten through to her by the end of the day.
I had pretty high hopes for today and didn't expect to see the babe's teacher coming down to talk to me again at pick up time. But there she was, wanting to talk to me about the babe's behavior. Apparently the babe was hitting one of her friends today, and didn't stop when the teacher got involved. Not good. I was told the same thing again. The babe needs to work on using her words and to communicate her "message" instead of using her body. And again, I am sitting there trying to hold the squirming little guy, while holding an important conversation with the babe's new teacher. Oh, and yes, I'm trying to keep it together again.
The babe was there for the whole conversation this time. I started asking her some questions but she wasn't really listening to me. I then asked why she wasn't paying attention to me and she told me that what I was saying was "boring." The teacher is standing there watching and asking the babe to listen to my message, and I am just sinking into the ground.
Things got worse in the car ride home. Despite the fact I was armed and ready for a trip to the park, I had to cancel this venture as it no longer seemed appropriate. The babe was not happy with this and proceeded to cry and scream the whole way home. She then threw her water bottle to the front of the car. The bottle hit the gear shift and the car went into neutral. Then she took off her shoes and threw them at me (one at a time). And then a few toys from the entertainment basket I keep between the kids car seats. Seriously, what was I supposed to do?
We made it into the house in one piece and I explained she was going to be punished. No TV, no dessert, no bed time stories. The next 3 hours were filled with many highs and lows. I kept trying to talk about what was happening at school and to figure her out. Just when I thought things were on the up and up, the babe bit her brother's wrist because she was angry at the fact I wasn't going to let her "wash" any more dishes. Needless to say I was in shock. After all the discussions we've had about not hurting other people and using our words to communicate our message, it felt like nothing was getting through to her.
When my husband got home and I gave him the down low, the babe was punished; left in the stairway to scream and cry. It was really rough and I just focused on getting the little guy to bed. My husband gave the babe a bath and put her to bed....no talking, no stories. It was so hard and she fell asleep still doing that snotty nose/shake thing you do after you've been crying for a long time. It breaks my heart and I am at a loss. I hope the message has gotten through to her now.
The thing I don't understand is that we were doing so well. Since the biting incident last month, we had been on an upswing. We were enjoying our time together and I thought we were past all this garbage. But the time off last week, combined with me leaving last weekend, and starting in a new classroom with one new teacher this week has apparently thrown her back into her multiple personalities. One girl is the sweetest, kindest most intelligent and considerate kid. And the other is just a mean, physically aggressive psychopath. Days like this make me question my parenting abilities and leave me with a twisted stomach and tightened jaw. It sucks to feel so helpless.
I am going to keep trying to help the babe use her words and give her "messages," because I really don't know what the alternative is right now. I just went up to check on her sleeping, and it's amazing how peaceful she is now. She's my baby girl and we're going to sort it out.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Breaking Point
Some days the kids are just whiny and annoying, like today. I had hopes that we'd have a smooth day that would involve watching some World Cup soccer. By the time the US versus UK match was on, the kids were melting down, despite the fact they'd just woken up from naps.
I was cagey, frustrated, anxious and needed to blow off steam. It just gets to a point where everything rubs you the wrong way. My observant husband suggested I go for a walk. So I threw on my flip flops and left the house with no destination in mind. I recalled a house for sale that I wanted to walk by, so off I went.
On the way, I passed by a house with 3 younger girls and a Mother fighting (in French) on their front porch. I couldn't help but stare at what was, I'd guess, the ultimate breaking point for this Mother. She was screaming and grabbed one of the girls by the pony tail and yanked her head back. I'm sure she was holding herself back. They didn't even notice me walking by as the situation was obviously so intense and all consuming. The Mom managed to direct all the girls inside, and as I walked by I heard the front door slam hard and the Mother's continued screams inside.
As parents we are tested in so many ways, every day. Parenthood puts us into the most annoying and frustrating situations and sometimes we just can't keep our cool. It is like a volcano that just has to erupt. It feels good to let it rip, but we usually regret it once the lava has spewed everywhere and we're left to clean up the pieces. But we can't always be perfect. And I will be the first to admit that most folks on this block have seen me freaking out at my kids as I try to heard them to the car or back into the house. We aren't always at our best, and that's the reality of it.
Anyway, I felt so bad after walking by this scene that I decided on the spot that I was going to go home and get the kids into their UV protective swim wear and turn on the sprinkler. The kids were nuts when I got home, but I got them suited up and we hit the outdoors with a burst of excitement.
It was the best thing we could have done. They had an awesome time and I got to sit on the porch and watch them play together. A moment of bliss in an otherwise annoying day. Hang in there parents....no day can be perfect, and neither can we.
I was cagey, frustrated, anxious and needed to blow off steam. It just gets to a point where everything rubs you the wrong way. My observant husband suggested I go for a walk. So I threw on my flip flops and left the house with no destination in mind. I recalled a house for sale that I wanted to walk by, so off I went.
On the way, I passed by a house with 3 younger girls and a Mother fighting (in French) on their front porch. I couldn't help but stare at what was, I'd guess, the ultimate breaking point for this Mother. She was screaming and grabbed one of the girls by the pony tail and yanked her head back. I'm sure she was holding herself back. They didn't even notice me walking by as the situation was obviously so intense and all consuming. The Mom managed to direct all the girls inside, and as I walked by I heard the front door slam hard and the Mother's continued screams inside.
As parents we are tested in so many ways, every day. Parenthood puts us into the most annoying and frustrating situations and sometimes we just can't keep our cool. It is like a volcano that just has to erupt. It feels good to let it rip, but we usually regret it once the lava has spewed everywhere and we're left to clean up the pieces. But we can't always be perfect. And I will be the first to admit that most folks on this block have seen me freaking out at my kids as I try to heard them to the car or back into the house. We aren't always at our best, and that's the reality of it.
Anyway, I felt so bad after walking by this scene that I decided on the spot that I was going to go home and get the kids into their UV protective swim wear and turn on the sprinkler. The kids were nuts when I got home, but I got them suited up and we hit the outdoors with a burst of excitement.
It was the best thing we could have done. They had an awesome time and I got to sit on the porch and watch them play together. A moment of bliss in an otherwise annoying day. Hang in there parents....no day can be perfect, and neither can we.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
I'm Not Giving Up
I didn't mean to be so dramatic yesterday, but some days are just plain old hard.
Luckily today was a good day.
My husband and I have had a few more thoughts on my daughter's monsoon meltdowns:
Luckily today was a good day.
My husband and I have had a few more thoughts on my daughter's monsoon meltdowns:
- We're going to speak with her school and ask them to report to us whether or not she slept at nap time. This will help us gage if there is a correlation between her acting crazy when she comes home and not having slept at school that day.
- I realized I had hidden the babe's pacifiers yesterday, and every time she was struggling to calm down and keep it together she would go upstairs in search of her comfort and wasn't able to find it. I deliberately kept them hidden as I was mad and didn't feel she deserved them. I am not going to hide them and see if that helps keep her a little more in check.
- The babe has been complaining off an on of leg pain. I took her to the shoe store on Thursday to see if perhaps she had out grown her shoes and this was causing her physical pain, which was in turn causing her mental and emotional pain. But no. She's in the right shoe size. I am going to follow up with the pediatrician and have her legs and feet looked at (she does have a varicose vain on her right leg). Perhaps there is something we're not seeing.
- My husband and the babe did some puppet play today and it seemed to be an effective way to communicate about how to treat others. I have heard this can be a helpful tool for some children to communicate, so I may just Google it and learn some more.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Strong Will
It's hard to know what's normal. I've never had a 3.5 year old before. But I find myself wondering if it's really meant to be this hard.
For the past 2 days the babe has pushed me to the edge, and I honestly have felt like jumping off of it (no, not literally). But I know if I give in, the situation will deteriorate beyond the safety zone. I have been encouraging her to use her words, explain what the problem is, and I keep asking her questions about what is making her mad. I am committed to giving her more love, more hugs, and more attention in general. Sometimes these methods works, and sometimes they don't. And sometimes the little guy and I get hit or scratched, and sometimes we don't. Something has to give.
It seems she's almost bipolar, which shouldn't surprise me as I've heard that said about this age group. She can be the sweetest, most caring and considerate little girl. I am so proud of her abilities and her way of dealing with projects, people, and changes. But when the tide turns, it turns fast and furious.
I have convinced myself she is just spirited, strong willed, and has some problems with anger management. But sometimes I worry that it may be more.
I've got a call into a child/family therapist recommended by our pediatrician. She apparently sees families one on one and also runs seminars on a variety of child rearing related issues including anger management (for both children and their parents). Unfortunately she is out until the end of June.
Until then I have ordered Setting Limits With Your Strong Willed Child (a recommendation from someone in the know).
Every day is a new day. Every day I vow to try. I just hope my little girl is willing to try as well.
For the past 2 days the babe has pushed me to the edge, and I honestly have felt like jumping off of it (no, not literally). But I know if I give in, the situation will deteriorate beyond the safety zone. I have been encouraging her to use her words, explain what the problem is, and I keep asking her questions about what is making her mad. I am committed to giving her more love, more hugs, and more attention in general. Sometimes these methods works, and sometimes they don't. And sometimes the little guy and I get hit or scratched, and sometimes we don't. Something has to give.
It seems she's almost bipolar, which shouldn't surprise me as I've heard that said about this age group. She can be the sweetest, most caring and considerate little girl. I am so proud of her abilities and her way of dealing with projects, people, and changes. But when the tide turns, it turns fast and furious.
I have convinced myself she is just spirited, strong willed, and has some problems with anger management. But sometimes I worry that it may be more.
I've got a call into a child/family therapist recommended by our pediatrician. She apparently sees families one on one and also runs seminars on a variety of child rearing related issues including anger management (for both children and their parents). Unfortunately she is out until the end of June.
Until then I have ordered Setting Limits With Your Strong Willed Child (a recommendation from someone in the know).
Every day is a new day. Every day I vow to try. I just hope my little girl is willing to try as well.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Try
I said I was going to try. And I have spent the whole day thinking and worrying about the babe and my relationship with her.
I was kind of dreading after school today. As it is a sunny and beautiful day I decided to buck up and bring the kids to the park. I chose the park by the babe's school where I knew there would be kids she knew. I also made her promise she wouldn't freak out and have a tantrum when it was time to leave. She agreed. We even chose a special word that I could use to indicate that I was serious.
Within 5 minutes of getting there the little girl who the babe bit on Tuesday showed up with her Mom. I was nervous as I am still bothered by the babe's behavior and suspension. The girls noticed each other and automatically started playing together. The bitee's Mom came over and we started chatting. I couldn't stop looking at her daughter's wrist. That's because her daughter's wrist was bruised and had a small healing scab. I couldn't stop thinking that my daughter's teeth had caused that damage. But if you looked at the 2 of them together you'd never guess that such an incident had just occurred.
I took the opportunity to thank the Mom for how she had handled the babe's apology yesterday morning. She reassured me not to worry and that all was well. It gave me the power to get over it....because apparently everyone else has.
And when it was time to go, I told the babe, and she came over and hopped in the stroller. No complaints. In fact it was the little guy who freaked out this time. I'm glad I tried. And I'm glad she tried.
I was kind of dreading after school today. As it is a sunny and beautiful day I decided to buck up and bring the kids to the park. I chose the park by the babe's school where I knew there would be kids she knew. I also made her promise she wouldn't freak out and have a tantrum when it was time to leave. She agreed. We even chose a special word that I could use to indicate that I was serious.
Within 5 minutes of getting there the little girl who the babe bit on Tuesday showed up with her Mom. I was nervous as I am still bothered by the babe's behavior and suspension. The girls noticed each other and automatically started playing together. The bitee's Mom came over and we started chatting. I couldn't stop looking at her daughter's wrist. That's because her daughter's wrist was bruised and had a small healing scab. I couldn't stop thinking that my daughter's teeth had caused that damage. But if you looked at the 2 of them together you'd never guess that such an incident had just occurred.
I took the opportunity to thank the Mom for how she had handled the babe's apology yesterday morning. She reassured me not to worry and that all was well. It gave me the power to get over it....because apparently everyone else has.
And when it was time to go, I told the babe, and she came over and hopped in the stroller. No complaints. In fact it was the little guy who freaked out this time. I'm glad I tried. And I'm glad she tried.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
A Brand New Day
From the comments I received from you all, I feel like I'm not alone. My daughter may appear to be bipolar at times, but she is actually just a normal 3.5 year old. Thank God for that. And thank you for sharing your experiences with me.
I just got off the phone with the Director of the babe's school. I have struggled all day with how to handle the biting/physical outbursts issue. I thought about calling the pediatrician to see if they knew of any anger management classes for 3 year olds. I thought about scheduling an official sit down meeting with the babe's school. Instead I just picked up the phone and called. I was transferred to the Director immediately and she spent 10 minutes talking to me.
To sum it all up, they think the babe is a super intelligent, sweet, and charismatic girl who is in a period of transition. She has only been in school since September and this has been a big change for her. Especially as she bumped up to the full day program in January. I need to take the time to be with her one on one and let her know just how special she is to me. She knows the little guy and I are alone together all day and she is jealous. After 2 years of having me all to herself, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Her brain is also exploding with knowledge and sometimes it's just plain overwhelming.
My husband and I have spoken to her at length about yesterday's behavior. We have gone over the need to use our words, control our bodies, take deep breaths, and to stop and think. We have explained that hands are not for hitting and mouths are not for biting. And we have told her we love her and know she is a good girl.
The staff at the school approached today as a brand new day with the babe. They were all positive and loving and I felt so good about leaving her with them. On the way to school we ran into the mother of the little girl the babe bit. I was nervous, but she was gracious, kind and supportive. When the babe apologized to her, she could not have handled it better.
Today IS a brand new day and I am going to try and handle it as such. I want that little girl to feel loved, even if that means I have to internalize my running commentary. I have to accept that I need to pick my battles, and running around at full speed with a crocodile xylophone is not something worth yelling over. It takes 2 to tango and I think that if I'm asking her to try harder, I have to be willing to do the same.
I just got off the phone with the Director of the babe's school. I have struggled all day with how to handle the biting/physical outbursts issue. I thought about calling the pediatrician to see if they knew of any anger management classes for 3 year olds. I thought about scheduling an official sit down meeting with the babe's school. Instead I just picked up the phone and called. I was transferred to the Director immediately and she spent 10 minutes talking to me.
To sum it all up, they think the babe is a super intelligent, sweet, and charismatic girl who is in a period of transition. She has only been in school since September and this has been a big change for her. Especially as she bumped up to the full day program in January. I need to take the time to be with her one on one and let her know just how special she is to me. She knows the little guy and I are alone together all day and she is jealous. After 2 years of having me all to herself, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Her brain is also exploding with knowledge and sometimes it's just plain overwhelming.
My husband and I have spoken to her at length about yesterday's behavior. We have gone over the need to use our words, control our bodies, take deep breaths, and to stop and think. We have explained that hands are not for hitting and mouths are not for biting. And we have told her we love her and know she is a good girl.
The staff at the school approached today as a brand new day with the babe. They were all positive and loving and I felt so good about leaving her with them. On the way to school we ran into the mother of the little girl the babe bit. I was nervous, but she was gracious, kind and supportive. When the babe apologized to her, she could not have handled it better.
Today IS a brand new day and I am going to try and handle it as such. I want that little girl to feel loved, even if that means I have to internalize my running commentary. I have to accept that I need to pick my battles, and running around at full speed with a crocodile xylophone is not something worth yelling over. It takes 2 to tango and I think that if I'm asking her to try harder, I have to be willing to do the same.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Suspension
I don't know whether to laugh (the hysterical kind) or cry. Today has been one of those days.
I was given the finger by a father dropping his kid off at the local elementary school because I was apparently driving to slow (it's 15 mph by the school, dude). He was tailing me, then honked at me, then zoomed over to the drop off lane. I then honked at him, stopped my car and rolled down the window to yell at him. I yelled something like, "there's children walking everywhere and the speed limit is 15mph, buddy!!!" And maybe I said it a few times because he was waving his fat middle finger around at me and gesturing for me to get out the car so we could brawl on the streets. Nice. Gotta love DC.
Then I get a call on my cell while driving home from music class with the little guy. It's the director of the babe's school. Needless to say my heart sunk and I was expecting her to tell me the babe was having an allergic reaction and I needed to meet them at Children's Hospital. But no. The director informed me I had to come pick my daughter up as she had bitten her little class mate. Apparently a rather nasty bite.
So we headed to school, picked her and came home for lunch. There was screaming, hitting and general chaos for the whole ride home. The next hour was painful as I tried to get her to lie down for a nap and not wake up her brother. I finally succeeded and she's asleep now.
But I am not looking forward to the rest of our "punishment day." I need to occupy both of them until bed time as there will be no fun things like TV and dessert. It is still gray and rainy, and that is how I feel inside.
My 3.5 year old has been suspended and I am at a loss. I need to get it through her head that she can never do this again. I can't even imagine handling an expulsion. If she hadn't abused me yesterday I would feel more confident that we could get this back on track easily. But after a tantrum while we were out running a quick errand after school, I am a tad concerned the babe has some serious anger management issues (she hit, kicked and slapped me and then pulled my hair as I was trying to get her in the car seat). She lashes out quite frequently and it ends up hurting us all. The little guy has witnessed enough of this behavior that he's starting to think it's normal and is copying some of it.
I feel like I need Nanny 911. And now I hear my little guy waking from his nap, so I will let you go. Any tips are welcome.
I was given the finger by a father dropping his kid off at the local elementary school because I was apparently driving to slow (it's 15 mph by the school, dude). He was tailing me, then honked at me, then zoomed over to the drop off lane. I then honked at him, stopped my car and rolled down the window to yell at him. I yelled something like, "there's children walking everywhere and the speed limit is 15mph, buddy!!!" And maybe I said it a few times because he was waving his fat middle finger around at me and gesturing for me to get out the car so we could brawl on the streets. Nice. Gotta love DC.
Then I get a call on my cell while driving home from music class with the little guy. It's the director of the babe's school. Needless to say my heart sunk and I was expecting her to tell me the babe was having an allergic reaction and I needed to meet them at Children's Hospital. But no. The director informed me I had to come pick my daughter up as she had bitten her little class mate. Apparently a rather nasty bite.
So we headed to school, picked her and came home for lunch. There was screaming, hitting and general chaos for the whole ride home. The next hour was painful as I tried to get her to lie down for a nap and not wake up her brother. I finally succeeded and she's asleep now.
But I am not looking forward to the rest of our "punishment day." I need to occupy both of them until bed time as there will be no fun things like TV and dessert. It is still gray and rainy, and that is how I feel inside.
My 3.5 year old has been suspended and I am at a loss. I need to get it through her head that she can never do this again. I can't even imagine handling an expulsion. If she hadn't abused me yesterday I would feel more confident that we could get this back on track easily. But after a tantrum while we were out running a quick errand after school, I am a tad concerned the babe has some serious anger management issues (she hit, kicked and slapped me and then pulled my hair as I was trying to get her in the car seat). She lashes out quite frequently and it ends up hurting us all. The little guy has witnessed enough of this behavior that he's starting to think it's normal and is copying some of it.
I feel like I need Nanny 911. And now I hear my little guy waking from his nap, so I will let you go. Any tips are welcome.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The Challenge
As you know, I am a stay-at-home Mom. I don't know how long I plan on doing this, and whenever I start to think about my game plan, I get overwhelmed. I want to take care of my kids, even though many aspects of the job drive me batty. But I am missing something. I thought I would take up swimming last fall, but that didn't happen. I thought it would be good to join a walking club, but that hasn't happened either. And I think a lot about what I want to be when I grow up. But no practical answers have come to me. People say you should identify what you love to do and work out a way to get paid for it. Can I make a living writing? I wouldn't even know where to start (and the fact that my husband always finds typos in my entries is rather troublesome).
So, after watching Julie and Julia last night (it was a "me" night as my hubby was out to dinner with a friend), I am pondering my rather slack commitment to my blog. I love to write, and I'm looking for "something," just like Julie. I'm not about to start cooking up a storm, but I can start to write more. It seems as though lots of folks are getting attention/coverage/movie and book deals these days by doing something extreme and writing about it (for example, see the On a Dollar a Day project).
I am not ready to do anything overly extreme, but I am pondering the idea of writing a blog entry every day. It does not have to be long and insightful, but it could relay a little nugget of my day to you. I have been happy to share my experiences (however inconsistent I have been) over the past few years, and I think writing every day will provide an outlet and a level of discipline I need right now. Luckily I've been a (rather slack) blogger for years so I don't feel like I'm jumping on the band wagon (even if I kinda am). But if I can find my path by hammering out a daily entry, then I'm all for it.
This is not a really well thought out plan, but I am excited about the prospects and the challenge. Hope you're in for the ride. Here we go....
So, after watching Julie and Julia last night (it was a "me" night as my hubby was out to dinner with a friend), I am pondering my rather slack commitment to my blog. I love to write, and I'm looking for "something," just like Julie. I'm not about to start cooking up a storm, but I can start to write more. It seems as though lots of folks are getting attention/coverage/movie and book deals these days by doing something extreme and writing about it (for example, see the On a Dollar a Day project).
I am not ready to do anything overly extreme, but I am pondering the idea of writing a blog entry every day. It does not have to be long and insightful, but it could relay a little nugget of my day to you. I have been happy to share my experiences (however inconsistent I have been) over the past few years, and I think writing every day will provide an outlet and a level of discipline I need right now. Luckily I've been a (rather slack) blogger for years so I don't feel like I'm jumping on the band wagon (even if I kinda am). But if I can find my path by hammering out a daily entry, then I'm all for it.
This is not a really well thought out plan, but I am excited about the prospects and the challenge. Hope you're in for the ride. Here we go....
Monday, January 18, 2010
Another Catch Up Ramble
Last week was a blur of activity. It felt like we were back in full swing. In our first 2 weeks back to DC we made it to the pediatrician (the babe with a mild eye infection....AGAIN), the allergist (the babe getting test results and the little guy being tested), the OB-GYN (my annual check-up) and the dermatologist (my semi-annual check up which resulted in some cryosurgery to kill some precancerous cells....nice). Seriously, if I had a paid job, I'd be fired for going to too many appointments.
The weather was awesome and we made it to the park after school for 3 days in a row. We'd stay until the sun went down at around 5pm and make it home in time for a cozy kid dinner. It's really a sweet way to spend the end of the day and I'm grateful DC's weather allows us to do it!
There were a few noteworthy incidents, such as the babe melting down near the exceptionally busy rush hour chaos street we have to navigate each day on the way to preschool. Why such a monumental break down? Because she didn't want to hold my hand. It was quite a spectacle and I'm sure many people got to catch my not so awesome attempt to "keep it cool." I was being abused by a 3 year old in public and I was at a loss as to what I should do. I tried a few things and I didn't get very far. At one point I even threw her over my shoulder and started to walk down the sidewalk while pushing the little guy in the stroller in front of me. Unfortunately a number of the witnesses were other parents walking their well behaved kids to the babe's school. Doh.
Today is a public holiday in the States (Martin Luther King, Jr. Day). That means I've got both the kids to myself all day long. It's been a tad hairy at times, but has gone OK overall. Only about 5 time outs for the babe (yikes). But I am proud as I've accomplished a major feat. I removed the pack and play/changing station from our dining room. I found a home for all the stuff that was being stored in it and moved it down the the basement where it now will serve as a cage for the little guy while his sister jumps on her new trampoline. I also managed to do some general organizing and vacuuming on both the main level and in the basement. I am feeling pretty good (I also just ate some chocolate and the kids are asleep which may be contributing to my general sense of well being).
I am now going to try and read my book club book. Did I mention I'm now in a book club? The ladies on my street get together about every 6 weeks and have a little book chat. It's pretty cool, except when you don't love the book and would rather be doing one of the millions of other things that need doing (or reading something you enjoy more). Alas....they can't all be winners, and not everything has to get done now. I've got 7 days to finish it up, so off I go!
The weather was awesome and we made it to the park after school for 3 days in a row. We'd stay until the sun went down at around 5pm and make it home in time for a cozy kid dinner. It's really a sweet way to spend the end of the day and I'm grateful DC's weather allows us to do it!
There were a few noteworthy incidents, such as the babe melting down near the exceptionally busy rush hour chaos street we have to navigate each day on the way to preschool. Why such a monumental break down? Because she didn't want to hold my hand. It was quite a spectacle and I'm sure many people got to catch my not so awesome attempt to "keep it cool." I was being abused by a 3 year old in public and I was at a loss as to what I should do. I tried a few things and I didn't get very far. At one point I even threw her over my shoulder and started to walk down the sidewalk while pushing the little guy in the stroller in front of me. Unfortunately a number of the witnesses were other parents walking their well behaved kids to the babe's school. Doh.
Today is a public holiday in the States (Martin Luther King, Jr. Day). That means I've got both the kids to myself all day long. It's been a tad hairy at times, but has gone OK overall. Only about 5 time outs for the babe (yikes). But I am proud as I've accomplished a major feat. I removed the pack and play/changing station from our dining room. I found a home for all the stuff that was being stored in it and moved it down the the basement where it now will serve as a cage for the little guy while his sister jumps on her new trampoline. I also managed to do some general organizing and vacuuming on both the main level and in the basement. I am feeling pretty good (I also just ate some chocolate and the kids are asleep which may be contributing to my general sense of well being).
I am now going to try and read my book club book. Did I mention I'm now in a book club? The ladies on my street get together about every 6 weeks and have a little book chat. It's pretty cool, except when you don't love the book and would rather be doing one of the millions of other things that need doing (or reading something you enjoy more). Alas....they can't all be winners, and not everything has to get done now. I've got 7 days to finish it up, so off I go!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Time Gone By
I know it's been a long time. I have written many a blog entry in my head, but have not managed to get that entry typed into the computer. I am going to try harder.
There are so many things to tell you about, but it would take more than one entry. A few developments include: the babe can zip up her own jacket now and the little guy is crawling all over the house and pulling himself up on things. We have some great days together, and we have some really bad days together. I suppose kids are like us...they can also have a bad day (or night).
Lately my son has been driving me nuts at night and my daughter has been driving me nuts during the day. The little guy is teething and waking many times a night screaming. We have tried everything (plugging and re-plugging the pacifier, teething tablets, Tylenol), but he can be one agitated and stubborn little dude in the wee hours of the night. Sometimes it breaks my heart and sometimes I'm just super annoyed. The exhaustion is getting to me and I hope those 2 top teeth pop all the way out soon.
The babe is in an extremely difficult stage and my husband and I are at a loss of what to do. We really don't know how to handle her and all the discipline in the world does not seem to work. We keep trying and she keeps pushing. I know she's not even 3 yet, but things feel out of control sometimes. She is home from school today due to an eye infection (oh joy) and we have already had a few good battles. I'm not talking little battles, I'm talking about battles that left me crying in the kitchen wondering if I should go back to work because I'm not able to deal with my own kid (again, the exhaustion doesn't help)!
In other news, my folks were in town last week for a visit and it was absolutely lovely. The babe actually behaved for the first 4.5 days of their visit which was a beautiful thing. I also think the little guy got used to them and felt fairly comfortable hanging out with his grandparents by the time they had to go. I also turned 34 last week. I had a smashing day (that began at 5:00 am) filled with amazing friends and family, yummy food and drink, and good vibrations. I still, at times, find it crazy that I am 34 now, married, and have 2 kids. Where did the time go? As each birthday passes I guess I realize that I am just me and will always be me....even if I'm a year older. Age is just a number.
I'd also like to mention that my very sweet husband got me a most thoughtful birthday gift: a bound copy of 24-7 Mommy (up until I took that very long 10 month break when life got a little too crazy). It is very cool to see all my writing in a book. I am glad I have a record of my time as a new Mom and I continue to hope it helps people out there. Motherhood is a blessing but it will bring you to your knees in ways you never thought possible.
There are so many things to tell you about, but it would take more than one entry. A few developments include: the babe can zip up her own jacket now and the little guy is crawling all over the house and pulling himself up on things. We have some great days together, and we have some really bad days together. I suppose kids are like us...they can also have a bad day (or night).
Lately my son has been driving me nuts at night and my daughter has been driving me nuts during the day. The little guy is teething and waking many times a night screaming. We have tried everything (plugging and re-plugging the pacifier, teething tablets, Tylenol), but he can be one agitated and stubborn little dude in the wee hours of the night. Sometimes it breaks my heart and sometimes I'm just super annoyed. The exhaustion is getting to me and I hope those 2 top teeth pop all the way out soon.
The babe is in an extremely difficult stage and my husband and I are at a loss of what to do. We really don't know how to handle her and all the discipline in the world does not seem to work. We keep trying and she keeps pushing. I know she's not even 3 yet, but things feel out of control sometimes. She is home from school today due to an eye infection (oh joy) and we have already had a few good battles. I'm not talking little battles, I'm talking about battles that left me crying in the kitchen wondering if I should go back to work because I'm not able to deal with my own kid (again, the exhaustion doesn't help)!
In other news, my folks were in town last week for a visit and it was absolutely lovely. The babe actually behaved for the first 4.5 days of their visit which was a beautiful thing. I also think the little guy got used to them and felt fairly comfortable hanging out with his grandparents by the time they had to go. I also turned 34 last week. I had a smashing day (that began at 5:00 am) filled with amazing friends and family, yummy food and drink, and good vibrations. I still, at times, find it crazy that I am 34 now, married, and have 2 kids. Where did the time go? As each birthday passes I guess I realize that I am just me and will always be me....even if I'm a year older. Age is just a number.
I'd also like to mention that my very sweet husband got me a most thoughtful birthday gift: a bound copy of 24-7 Mommy (up until I took that very long 10 month break when life got a little too crazy). It is very cool to see all my writing in a book. I am glad I have a record of my time as a new Mom and I continue to hope it helps people out there. Motherhood is a blessing but it will bring you to your knees in ways you never thought possible.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Broken Record
I am getting sick of the sound of my own voice. I feel like a broken record these days. If you hit play, these are some of the things you will likely hear:
- Be careful please
- Are your ears open? Are you doing good listening?
- Did you hear what I said?
- Out of your mouth
- Soft touch please
- No hitting
- No, we don't do that
- Did you hear what I said?
- Good girl!
- We don't play with our food, we eat our food.
- OK, I'm going to count to 3
- Do you want a time out?
- Can you take it down a notch? Inside voice please.
- Good listening monkey!
- Do you need to do pee pee on the potty?
- Fait nice do do (this is part of our sleep time ritual). I'll check on you soon (this is another part of our sleep time ritual). Back in your room (also part of the sleep time ritual)!
- Please don't touch your brother that way
- Please stop whining!
- Can you wait just a minute/Can you give me a second?
- I'll be right back
- Is that how you talk to me?
And my favorite:
- I love you SO MUCH!!!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Memorial Memories
Another long weekend has come and gone. Is time passing ridiculously fast these days, or is it just me? The days can seem so long, but the weeks and months are zooming by. The little guy turned 5 months old on the 24th and I am wondering where my little baby has gone? He's growing bigger and smarter every day. It is awesome to watch and as excited as I am for him to be more capable, I am saddened by the fact that he is changing so fast and we will never have a little baby again.
So, to kick off the long weekend, we decided to move into "sleep training part 2." This involved losing the swaddle blanket and no scratch mittens, and stopping our kazillion trips a night to put the pacifier back in the little guy's mouth. It hasn't been all that bad. We had to let him cry for 30 minutes on Friday night when we put him down to sleep. On Saturday night he actually slept an 8 hour stretch (I got 4 hours of that, but whatever). Sadly last night we had to let him scream from 3-4 am. I knew he'd stop if I just gave in and fed him, but I stuck it out. It was also in the middle of a serious torrential downpour/storm so we just listened to the screaming baby and pounding rain waiting for it all to pass. Two steps forward, one step back, right?
The babe continues to be a serious challenge and I am desperate for a new way of dealing with her. I hate that I have such a short fuse and know that I have to work on my patience with her. I do have high expectations of her and have to stop and remind myself that she's only 2 1/2. I also have to learn to pick my battles as I can't always be fighting. Life is too short.
So, to kick off the long weekend, we decided to move into "sleep training part 2." This involved losing the swaddle blanket and no scratch mittens, and stopping our kazillion trips a night to put the pacifier back in the little guy's mouth. It hasn't been all that bad. We had to let him cry for 30 minutes on Friday night when we put him down to sleep. On Saturday night he actually slept an 8 hour stretch (I got 4 hours of that, but whatever). Sadly last night we had to let him scream from 3-4 am. I knew he'd stop if I just gave in and fed him, but I stuck it out. It was also in the middle of a serious torrential downpour/storm so we just listened to the screaming baby and pounding rain waiting for it all to pass. Two steps forward, one step back, right?
The babe continues to be a serious challenge and I am desperate for a new way of dealing with her. I hate that I have such a short fuse and know that I have to work on my patience with her. I do have high expectations of her and have to stop and remind myself that she's only 2 1/2. I also have to learn to pick my battles as I can't always be fighting. Life is too short.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Testing Me
The babe is challenging me constantly. And not in a good way. I am very ready for her to go to school in September. Despite the fact she may one day read this, I have to admit I am loving my time with the little guy, and enduring the time with the babe. Some people love the toddler stage, whereas I am quickly realizing that I do not have the patience required. I know I need to try harder, be more calm, and try to be a bit more creative with her, but most of the time I'm just trying to get through the day without losing it on her.
We had friends over for dinner on Saturday night and while we sat at the table eating, the babe (who was supposed to be watching "educational" cartoons) took a crayon and drew on the living room wall and then on the front door. Last week she hit her brother (still a baby) on the head 3 times. Yesterday morning she hit me. The day before she tried to bite me. She has kicked me countless times (intentionally I might add) while I am changing her diaper (which I am very sick of doing). She can also be abusive with her little friends. Last week she bludgeoned a worm to death with a stick. That can't be a good sign, can it?
One of her new favorites is, "No, YOU don't talk to me that way." I have replied that I can talk to her any way I want because I am her mother. She replies, "No, you're NOT my mother."
When asked why she did something (always a naughty something), she will usually reply, "Because I DO THAT sometimes."
What happened to my sweet little baby girl? Is this going to happen to the little guy as well, or is this just the babe's personality coming out in full force? No one told me having a baby was easier than having a toddler (except for the continued sleep deprivation). Does that mean it's just going to keep getting harder and harder?
She makes me want to run back to the land of the employed (gasp)...but that would mean I couldn't be with the little guy, and I can not even ponder that possibility. I suppose I must soldier on until school begins. I think we will all be ready when it does.
But it's not all bad. The babe can be really sweet to me at times and she is really cute when she's sleeping. Count my blessings, right?
We had friends over for dinner on Saturday night and while we sat at the table eating, the babe (who was supposed to be watching "educational" cartoons) took a crayon and drew on the living room wall and then on the front door. Last week she hit her brother (still a baby) on the head 3 times. Yesterday morning she hit me. The day before she tried to bite me. She has kicked me countless times (intentionally I might add) while I am changing her diaper (which I am very sick of doing). She can also be abusive with her little friends. Last week she bludgeoned a worm to death with a stick. That can't be a good sign, can it?
One of her new favorites is, "No, YOU don't talk to me that way." I have replied that I can talk to her any way I want because I am her mother. She replies, "No, you're NOT my mother."
When asked why she did something (always a naughty something), she will usually reply, "Because I DO THAT sometimes."
What happened to my sweet little baby girl? Is this going to happen to the little guy as well, or is this just the babe's personality coming out in full force? No one told me having a baby was easier than having a toddler (except for the continued sleep deprivation). Does that mean it's just going to keep getting harder and harder?
She makes me want to run back to the land of the employed (gasp)...but that would mean I couldn't be with the little guy, and I can not even ponder that possibility. I suppose I must soldier on until school begins. I think we will all be ready when it does.
But it's not all bad. The babe can be really sweet to me at times and she is really cute when she's sleeping. Count my blessings, right?
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