Whoops - Happy Mother's Day!

I missed Mother's Day.  Well, I didn't miss it in my life, I missed it on my neglected blog.

I actually think that says something about how far I've come as a Mom.

I used to come here to offload and vent...to share the joys and frustrations of this wacky adventure called Motherhood. But I think I've actually become so comfortable with motherhood at this point, that I don't automatically think of running to my blog to help me sort through my gazillions of non-stop parenting issues.

This Mother's Day I was able to:

• sleep in, 
• enjoy coffee and chocolate croissants, 
• gush over hugs, kisses, beautiful hand made cards and other thoughtful creations, 
• and to take off for the day to the outlet mall (something I rarely do).  I had a free pass and was able to focus on just me - and it was delicious.

After a glorious and simple adventure (even driving alone for an hour is a joy), I returned home all bright and cheery. The second I walked in the door I discovered that the babe had been throwing up all day.

My amazingly thoughtful husband, not wanting to ruin my special day, didn't desperately call, email or text me to let me know. He wanted to allow me the time alone and knew he could handle the vomiting six-year-old solo.

I started writing this blog in 2007 when I was so completely overwhelmed by the realities of new motherhood (check out my first ever blog post, Mother's Day 2007). Frankly, there is NO WAY I would have been able to outlet shop with a sick kid at home back then.

So other than the amazing one day get away and sweet cards and kisses, what I really got this Mother's Day was a reminder of how much we have grown as a family, and a confirmation that my husband and I have finally settled into our roles as parents. What an amazing Mother's Day gift.

Parenting Pointers

A few weeks ago I was having a hard time remembering all the things I'm supposed to be doing to be an awesome Mom.  So I jotted down some bullet points from my parenting classes and taped them up on the kitchen wall.  I meant to share them here for Mother's Day, but was too busy having an awesome time by myself at the outlet mall (thanks to my husband for allowing me to take off for 7 hours--the best Mother's Day present I could have asked for!). 

I hope some (or all) of the following points are helpful:

Remember:

• Be a role model
• Act more and talk less
• Love the kids when they least deserve it because that's when they need it the most
• Appreciate and acknowledge effort
• Kids love being useful so put them to work
• Be firm but friendly
• Ask kids for their ideas
• Make time to play
• Set the stage for success
• Actively listen to them
• Mistakes are OK--it's how we learn
• Connection then correction
• Encourage, encourage.  Not praise, praise.
• Explain "when...then..."  For instance, "when you finish cleaning your room, then we can go to the park."
• Set limits and don't back down under pressure
• Train kids so they can be involved.  Teach them responsibility
• Use a timer (like setting your cell phone alarm to go off when it's time to leave the park)
• Use reverse psychology
• Be more playful--make a joke to diffuse the tension
• Respect each other
• Let kids make choices
• Explain "either...or..." For instance, "either you wear the blue sweater or the green one.  Your choice."
• Discipline, not punishment
• Be more specific so they can replicate the action in the future.  For instance, "I noticed that..."
• Focus on the process, not the final product
• See things from their point of view and recognize their feelings
• Smiles, hugs, and kisses go a long way
• Stand back and don't rush in to rescue them
• Don't hold a grudge
• Simplify the kids environment
• Set realistic expectations
• Plan ahead so things can go smoothly
• Allow kids to experience the natural consequences of their actions
• Redirect attention
• Allow time for transitions
• Anticipate and prepare for difficult situations
• Stick to the routine
• Do not blow your stack when kids try to engage you in a battle--lead by example
• Have the courage to be imperfect

I'd like to thank to Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, Maryland for helping me realize the benefits of every single one of the above bullet points.  While it is impossible to do all these things at once, it sometimes helps to work on a few things every week.  I'm told that eventually it becomes second nature, although I am still eagerly anticipating that day. Until then, I'll just keep trying.

Revelations

I'd like to admit something.  Last week I was having a bit of a crisis.  I was seriously questioning how much longer I was going to last as a stay-at-home Mama.  I was feeling really heavy about it all and I was hoping the right answer would fall in my lap.  As we know, life doesn't usually work like that.

As I struggled with all my whirling thoughts, I carried on with all my stay-at-home Mama duties. 

On Cinco de Mayo, I decided to run off to the drug store to buy some nacho chips the babe could eat as she was allergic to some of the ingredients in the chips they had available in her class.  I didn't want my little girl to be stuck with guacamole and no chips to eat at her class party.  I was so happy to be able to do this simple thing for her and realized that I would not have been able to do it if I was late for the office.  One of the babe's teachers, after realizing I had run to the store, said, "You're such a great Mom!"  I'll admit that was very nice to hear. 

On Friday morning the little guy and I got to hang out in the babe's class for a few hours as the babe's classmates took turns reading to me.  Not only did I get to dive into my daughter's world, but I was reminded how different each child is and how behaviors and abilities cannot be compared.  There is no "normal" when it comes to kids and I realized I need to lower my expectations of my 4 year old on a number of fronts (like sitting still at the table).  Again, you can't do this kind of thing if you need to be at the office.

This brings me to a comment made by a Father of one of the students at the babe's school.  He is always dressed casually and seems so happy (even though he appears to be chronically late).  He never seems rushed and is always calm and loving towards his son.  We had a little chat as we left the school together one morning.  I asked him if he worked from home (being the nosy person I am).  He told me he had an office but did most of his work from his home office.  Then he made a comment which really stuck with me: "Nothing like being self employed."

I couldn't stop thinking about his words and I had a revelation of sorts.  I want to be around to run my home and support my kids.  I do not want to outsource my family and all the work that goes with it (please understand I mean no judgment on those who follow a different game plan!).  But I do want something that will allow me to engage with the world in a different way.  For some time I have been pondering what I want to be when I grow up. While there are many paths I could chose that would be fascinating, the one thing I am committed to is being an awesome Mom and Wife (work in progress). 

But when it comes down to it, I also want to write.  I realize that by announcing these intentions I am making a bit of a commitment to actually follow through, but I am going to start taking some baby steps. I am hopeful that moving forward with this idea will allow me to grow into a new part of my life.

Funny this should all happen in the week leading up to Mother's Day, no?  So from now on, I am going to stop all my questioning, embrace the craziness and awesomeness of being a stay-at-home Mama and start brainstorming (ideas welcome).

Her Words

Perhaps I got my Mother's Day present early this year.

This morning as the babe, the little guy and I were driving to school, my daughter and I were having a discussion about all the work we do around our house and how we can try and get out the door more quickly in the morning.  I was flustered as my children hadn't been listening to me when it came time to head to the door and put shoes and sweaters on.  I was blathering on about being late, again.

I then proceeded onto the topic of how the babe can help us so things can move along a little smoother in the morning.  The conversation then moved into discussing how my husband, otherwise known as "Papa," works hard so we can have food, clothes, and a home.  The babe then chimed in, "Yeah, Mama.  And you do all the work except going to work."  And yes, by going to "work," my sweet girl meant "the office."

I went from being strung out and flustered to melting in one second flat.  How insanely beautiful is that?  I did not plant the seed so she could deliver a line like that.  She did it all on her own.

And for the first time this week, I felt really appreciated, if only for a minute.  It's almost as if she knew how badly I needed to hear that.  Because being a Mama is hard.  And it is moments like those where I stop questioning whether or not I am doing the right thing by being a stay-at-home-Mama right now.  And that clarity, however brief, will hopefully fuel me until the next kind word, gesture or acknowledgement comes my way. 

Hopefully I will be able to compose a reflectinve and inspiring post for Mother's Day this Sunday, but in case I don't, I leave you with this:

To all you great Moms out there who take care of business, Happy Mother's Day.   

How Sweet It Is

Remember I told you about my daughter's amazing Mother's Day creation?  Well here's the picture I promised.  How cool is that?  I don't think any of my tops will do this justice!

Another Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day, folks!  I hope it was a good one.  I must admit I am feeling internal pressure to write a thoughtful entry to mark this special day.

It has been 3 years since I first wrote about Mother's Day  (my first ever blog post in 2007).

Then there was my second Mother's Day post.

And last year I celebrated my third Mother's Day.

To tell you the truth, I am just too tired to write an entry that will do this Mother's Day justice.  It was a great weekend and I am super grateful for my 2 yummy kids and my sweet husband.  One of my favorite parts of the day was drinking champagne and having a dance party with the kids (they were drinking soy milk) to our new Zydeco CD from the library.  Throw in a little chips and guacamole and we definitely had our own little celebration going on.

My daughter made me the most beautiful pin and I am going to take a picture of it and post it for you all to see.  It is stunning and I am so proud of her emerging artistic talent.  I'm also blown away by her ability to write and spell (her card was super sweet).  Time is flying and my babies are growing up too fast.

Thanks you to all the Moms in my life who have made this journey so unbelievable and bearable.  And thanks to my own Mom who created such a special family and is the glue that holds us together.  Much love to you all, Mamas.

Grateful

They say you don't know what you've got till it's gone.  How true, how true.  This morning, the power went out.  My heart sunk. Then it came back.  Then it went out again...and stayed out.

From 8:30 am to 1:20 pm, we had no power. This gap in reality has made me realize how much I take electricity for granted.  I felt completely immobilized.  No computer, no music, no radio in the kitchen, no phone, can't open the fridge because I don't want to let the cold air out, can't use the microwave, and oh yeah, the toaster isn't working either.  I was officially roughing it.

So after dropping the babe off at school, the little guy and I went to the grocery store for non-perishable items.  The power was still out when we got home so I decided we should eat a lot of snacks from the cupboard and sit on the floor to play with toys. 

When the little guy's nap time came along I was a tad nervous.  No sound machine to block out the outside noise or fan to circulate the sticky air.  Amazingly he fell asleep without all our usual devices going at full speed.

I called my husband on my very low battery cell and asked him if he had a PEPCO status update and just as he was about to fill me in, the power came back on.  Sweet.  Things are again as they should be. 

How the heck did all those Moms of the past take care of their families without electricity?  In fact, how do all the Moms without electricity take care of their families present day?  Not to mention access to clean drinking water, healthy food, and quality medical care. With Mother's Day coming up, check out UNICEF's Inspired Gifts.  If you're looking for a gift idea for a special Mom in your life, this one would go far to help those Moms who are less fortunate.    

I am so blessed, and sometimes it takes a little inconvenience to just remember to count my lucky stars, even if it has been a gazillion degrees and we're not using our AC until we have the HVAC system cleaned out on Wednesday.  At least I can be hot and sticky with electricity.

Oh Those Nights

Well, I'm still super wiped out. We've done 3 nights with no feedings after the 11:30 pm meal. We've been making it until after 5 am, but it hasn't always been pretty. Last night was the least pretty with much too much crying and waking. I am going to use my super swaddler tonight, not allow a late afternoon nap (5:30 pm was a tad late for his last nap) and avoid my 5 pm (which was actually a 5:45 pm) tea break. Fingers crossed it will go better tonight. So much for quick fixes. Guess you can't learn to sleep in only 7 days after all.

Mother's Day, however, was lovely. I slept until 10 am, had some coffee and chocolate croissant on the porch with a book, enjoyed a 2 pm massage, and a BBQ celebration with my little family. It was a lovely day, and I'm grateful to my family for supporting my leisure. Now if only we could arrange for more than 1 Mother's Day a year??

Night 2 and 3

First of all, I love all your comments. Keep 'em comin.

Second, I think we're getting the hang of this whole "in your own room" thing. We've now made it through 3 whole nights with the little guy in his crib. We have also established a bit of a pattern already:

• 8:00 pm - asleep without much fuss
• 11/11:30 pm - wakes to eat
• 3:00/3:30 am - wakes to eat again
• 5:00/5:30 am - wakes to eat AGAIN
• 7:30/8:00 am - wakes for the day (and to eat, of course)

SO, tonight, to bring in Mother's Day in style, I'm going to knock out the 3:00/3:30 am feeding. I will give him his pacifier and check on him, but he will have to cry it out tonight. It could be bumpy, but it's what's best for all.

In other news, I just had the most awesome pre-Mother's Day dinner with my hubby. Fillet Mignon on the BBQ, sweet potato, salad, olives, french bread with fancy olive oil/balsamic vinegar. The kids up in bed, and us at the dining room table with a candle and some wine (well, Heineken for the husband and left over Chardonnay for moi). I've even got some cupcakes in the fridge for desert. Now it's time to kick it in the La Z Boy and catch up on Lost.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Update

I forgot to mention the selflessness and sacrifice that motherhood takes. I'm sure I can just keep adding to this list every day. You certainly don't know what you're in for until you're in it, that's for sure. The babe is already standing on her Adirondack chair seeking my attention, so I'll leave it at that for now.

Another Mother's Day

Another year has gone by. My second Mother's Day as a mother. And I'm only beginning to appreciate how much love, devotion, patience, and creativity motherhood really takes. I'm also only beginning to understand how much my own Mother gave to me. What simultaneously scares and excites me is the thought of the many years ahead of love, devotion, patience and creativity. This is hopefully only the beginning and I hope I have it in me.

For Mother's Day 2008 I slept in until 8:00 am (Saturday was my official sleep in day and I slept until 10:30 am), read the babe a whole lot of stories, made cinnamon muffins, opened my awesome card and present (which I'll admit that I chose and bought), made and ate some delicious chocolate chip and blueberry pancakes, put the babe to sleep for her mid-day nap, and then took off to the movies all by myself. I wanted to do something indulgent, and as I have only seen one movie in a theater in the past year and a half (Charlie Wilson's War), I though I deserved some alone time in a dark room with strangers. I chose a predictable romantic comedy with pretty people and nice places, and enjoyed every minute of it.

Mother's Day will be different every year and I think my expectations of it will continue to change. For now, I'm content my husband is upstairs putting the babe to sleep for the night, and I got to check in and say Happy Mother's Day to all of you.

I'd also like to share that it's been about a year since I started my blog, with a Mother's Day post quite different from this one. After re-reading what I wrote a year ago, I can say that today was another special Mother's Day, and much less stressful than my first.

My First Mother's Day

I’m the kind of person who likes to celebrate all those traditional “special” days. I love birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and Easter. My celebrating spills over to St. Patrick’s Day and Halloween. I like having official reasons to celebrate. Unfortunately, I always have high expectations, which usually means I’m almost always slightly disappointed. I don’t know why I always expect things to be like they are in the movies (the happy ones), because they aren’t.

I have just survived the first 5 months and 6 days of motherhood. It has been the longest 5 months and 6 days of my life, and it’s gone by at the speed of light. I have quit my day job and my new official job title is “Mommy.” My daughter is my new boss and she can be tough to please.

As I write this, I am celebrating my first Mother’s Day. And as you may have guessed, I had those high expectations I have for all other “special” days. The day started off absolutely lovely. After waking for a 7:45 am feeding, my husband was kind enough to take our daughter downstairs so I could get some extra sleep. They were back up after an hour because she was hungry, again. I fed her (and she fell back asleep), and then used the chance to pump some milk for later in the day: my special treat was going to be a 3:00 pm massage (the third of my life and first since delivering a face-up 9 lbs 6 oz baby). Unfortunately, this round of pumping wasn’t too successful, and I would have to try again later. Luckily, at least I was able to get back to sleep. We all managed to snooze peacefully until 12:30 pm. What a perfectly decadent morning. The three of us had never had a Sunday morning sleep-in like this before. Downstairs a lovely card, a special photo of my daughter, cash for the massage (close to a gift certificate, right?), and a successful pumping awaited me. I guess it was somewhat like what you’d see in the movies (although I’ve never seen anyone breast pump on the big screen).

Then things started to go downhill. The baby realized she was hungry soon after I finished the pumping. However, she wouldn’t take the boob (a word I now use many times a day). She not only wouldn’t take it, she started freaking right the hell out. I was quickly getting annoyed as the minutes slipped by; minutes I needed to eat and shower before my massage. The way things were going it wasn’t looking good.

After much drama (3 attempts at preparing lunch, dealing with baby, and squabbling with my husband) I decided to cancel my afternoon treat. I simply would not have been able to enjoy a “relaxing” massage.

After a walk around the block to soothe the kid (being outside often has a calming effect on her), I realized that maybe she was so upset because she wasn’t getting any milk from me as I had pumped it all out.

When we returned, the baby took the pumped milk from a bottle – all 4 1/2 ounces of it (if I’d never pumped, would we have had this troubled afternoon?). We took her upstairs for a nap. I decided it was a perfect time to have that much anticipated shower while my husband put her to sleep. I’ve come to learn that showers are a very special time for new Moms.

After all this, I finished my lunch in peace and called my own Mother. I apologized for having been a terrible baby and thanked her for having put up with me.

Some days I love my new 24/7 job, and other days I wish I was back at the office. I guess it would be that way with any job, except the good days with my daughter are so much better than the good days at the office. I just need to learn that the good days are not always going to be on the official “special” days.

Maybe next year will live up to my expectations; maybe tomorrow will be a random “special” day.

And as I look at her now, all cute, snuggly and sleeping, I realize that in fact it is a very Happy Mother’s Day.