Revelations

I'd like to admit something.  Last week I was having a bit of a crisis.  I was seriously questioning how much longer I was going to last as a stay-at-home Mama.  I was feeling really heavy about it all and I was hoping the right answer would fall in my lap.  As we know, life doesn't usually work like that.

As I struggled with all my whirling thoughts, I carried on with all my stay-at-home Mama duties. 

On Cinco de Mayo, I decided to run off to the drug store to buy some nacho chips the babe could eat as she was allergic to some of the ingredients in the chips they had available in her class.  I didn't want my little girl to be stuck with guacamole and no chips to eat at her class party.  I was so happy to be able to do this simple thing for her and realized that I would not have been able to do it if I was late for the office.  One of the babe's teachers, after realizing I had run to the store, said, "You're such a great Mom!"  I'll admit that was very nice to hear. 

On Friday morning the little guy and I got to hang out in the babe's class for a few hours as the babe's classmates took turns reading to me.  Not only did I get to dive into my daughter's world, but I was reminded how different each child is and how behaviors and abilities cannot be compared.  There is no "normal" when it comes to kids and I realized I need to lower my expectations of my 4 year old on a number of fronts (like sitting still at the table).  Again, you can't do this kind of thing if you need to be at the office.

This brings me to a comment made by a Father of one of the students at the babe's school.  He is always dressed casually and seems so happy (even though he appears to be chronically late).  He never seems rushed and is always calm and loving towards his son.  We had a little chat as we left the school together one morning.  I asked him if he worked from home (being the nosy person I am).  He told me he had an office but did most of his work from his home office.  Then he made a comment which really stuck with me: "Nothing like being self employed."

I couldn't stop thinking about his words and I had a revelation of sorts.  I want to be around to run my home and support my kids.  I do not want to outsource my family and all the work that goes with it (please understand I mean no judgment on those who follow a different game plan!).  But I do want something that will allow me to engage with the world in a different way.  For some time I have been pondering what I want to be when I grow up. While there are many paths I could chose that would be fascinating, the one thing I am committed to is being an awesome Mom and Wife (work in progress). 

But when it comes down to it, I also want to write.  I realize that by announcing these intentions I am making a bit of a commitment to actually follow through, but I am going to start taking some baby steps. I am hopeful that moving forward with this idea will allow me to grow into a new part of my life.

Funny this should all happen in the week leading up to Mother's Day, no?  So from now on, I am going to stop all my questioning, embrace the craziness and awesomeness of being a stay-at-home Mama and start brainstorming (ideas welcome).

Enter Reading

Last Friday I went to the babe's class to read with the kids.  The first time I did this last fall, I thought I'd be reading stories to the class.  But I had it the wrong way around.  The kids read stories to me. 

It is quite amazing to have these little people read to you.  Something I have taken for granted for so long is a huge challenge for my daughter and her classmates.  I can't really remember learning to read but sitting with kids who are reading for the first time is an amazing thing.  You can see their brains working overtime as they sound things out and put letters together.  

As the babe is in a Montessori school, kids learn at their own pace.  I highly support this approach, but I was a tad concerned after leaving the babe's class last Friday as she had not hit the phase in her education where the teachers thought she was ready to sit down with a beginner book.  We all know it's not good to compare your children to others, but I was left wondering what was wrong with the babe?  How come some of her classmates, who are the same age, are already "reading" at school and she isn't?

Timing is a funny thing.  On Tuesday I picked the babe up and guess what she excitedly announced?  "Mama! Miss. Faye rang the bell and announced to the whole class that I was ready to read my first book!  I got to sit with her and read Dot!"

Not only did she get to read Dot at school, she brought it home to read it to us as well.  It was a beautiful thing and I was so ridiculously proud.

The fun didn't end with Dot.  Yesterday the babe got to read Sam.  And yet again, she brought her new book home to read to us.  After working through the newly formed habit of relying heavily on pictures to read (more like remember) the words, the babe proved to us that she was able to get through the whole book without looking at any of the pictures.

So here we go on a brand new adventure.  My daughter, who was just a 4 month old baby only 4 years ago, is starting to read.  It's amazing what can happen in such a short time.