Saturday, July 21, 2012

My Critics

My recently published article on being a stay-at-home mother has brought out a few choice comments on my selfishness, calculating and not likable nature, and general immaturity.

I appreciate a good debate but never want to shove my views down other people's throats.  You can believe what you want and I don't feel the need to try and convince you otherwise.  All I want is the opportunity to be honest about all this motherhood stuff, because frankly, I think that honesty is lacking in most of the motherhood conversations I see.

Not to draw attention to my critics, but the following comment, which was published on Forbes, is too unbelievable not to post.  Did she actually read what I wrote?

"Thanks for sharing this.

I had a stay-at-home mother and breadwinner father and hated it, so I really like to see women get out of this victimized mentality. Taking adult responsibility for yourself is really important for your children.

I don’t understand why you are seeing your husband as not responsible for half the unpaid work of the family. And if he wishes to outsource some of that by paying for child care or housekeeping or something, that is his responsibility.

And you need to be making money to shoulder your share of the burden. You should be taking responsibility for earning the money to cover half the basic expenses of the family, such as housing, health insurance, food, taxes, education. That is what adults do.

This is not just about you and your indulging your husband and his career as though he is an infant himself or indulging yourself and your victimization as though you are an infant yourself.

Please, for the sake of your child, consider becoming an adult."

And here I was thinking being a stay-at-home mom was a responsible thing to do.  While I am not always the most mature person around, I like to think being responsible for a home and two children is pretty "adult" like behavior.


lamikayty said...

She obviously didn't read your article-probably just browsed through it. I read it on Learnvest and its amazingly and refreshingly honest. I'm a working mum. Its hard and a lot of the time I wish I were home with my daughter. She's 5 now and growing up so fast...Bravo on what you do. I work full time, hubby has been in school and is just starting a business and there are days when I just want to throw in the towel and stay at home but difficult decisions (like yours) have to be made and that's what adults do!

Debbina said...

Wow, seriously? What a jerk. You know what being an adult is? Being self-aware and self-confident enough to write and publish such an article.

I liked your post; our paths are similar. I am a recent SAHM (7-month old son) and I am struggling with it, too. I actually like being home with him, but I feel lame and worried that I am shutting myself out of a career later.

I've always wanted to write, so I'm using the "time" (hahahahaha) I have to blog as well. It keeps my brain functioning at a higher level and gives me a chance to do something I love every day if I want.

Anyway, I look forward to continuing to follow your journey.

24-7 Mommy said...

Thanks so much for your support! I love hearing about other people's experiences and think that women should be more honest about how tough it really is to make these life decisions. There is no one solution for every family, but the more we can talk about our experiences, the more we'll all realize we're not alone! CRJ

RC said...

I think your article was great! Very sincere, honest and heartfelt. Forbes....seriously?! Person has no sense. I raised 5 kids (ages 13-24) and had to decide if working was best or not. I've been on both sides working while raising the kids an now being a stay at home mom working from home. The only thing I know is that the kids are what made the decision for me. My two oldestest (23 & 24) had a lot of issues with my not being around while my 18 year old twins are content because I've shared all the "cool" moments with them...and my 13 year old is in his own world. All I can say is I've had to sacrifice alot ... But when I look back on it ... It was sacrifice at all. So honestly I think you're gonna be ok no matter what you decide because most importantly the kids are always honna love ya!

Cindy said...

When I read your article on Learnvest, I thought you had gotten into my mind and written about it in your blog. I could not agree more with your point of view. I completely agree that I feel moms are less than honest about motherhood. It is by FAR the hardest thing I have ever done. I work as an ER physician and going to work is a great break for me, as I am in control and I know what I am doing. When I am at home with my twin toddlers, I feel exactly as you described, so emotionally and mentally exhausted. I count down the hours, minutes, seconds, until I will get relief from my husband. Once he went out of town for a month, and I pretty much lost my mind. People have not been in your shoes, and all you can do is be honest and in doing so, you will reach out to other moms like me! Props to you for being a SAHM. I don't know how moms like you do it! (PS That reply you posted was so scathing and mean. I really don't know what possesses people to leave comments like that . . . )

Kate s said...

I just read your article on Forbes and completely agree and sympathize with your point of view. Being a SAHM is the most selfless decision that a woman can make. I have a B.A. In economics and MBA and have chosen to take a few sacrificial years to help develop my children. Whoever made that bullying comment against SAHMs obviously has some underlining mommy issues...keep fighting the good fight! Love reading your blog!

Ritz said...

Your article was exactly what I needed when I
was going insane and having exact questions mentioned in
the article! I love it ! It's such honest and refreshing writing...
I turned SAHM last year after welcoming my baby girl in the world and was in exact position as yours and for similar reasons decided to be SAHM...And I need to say this I question everyday my decision as deep down I am not ready to let go of my career aspirations and buzz I used to get working in corporate world!

As you said ,we all are trying out Best! So wish this person even read your article properly and understand the meaning of teamwork when raising a family!! Happy writing as looking forward to read your blog :) I am working on mine ,hopefully one day will have time to make it happen lol x