Last fall, I read about an essay contest in Real Simple magazine. The essay question was: What is the bravest thing you have ever done?
At the time, I was looking to write more, so I figured I would jump into the contest. How cool would it be to be published in Real Simple? I conveniently forgot I would probably be up against thousands of entries.
The winning essay (which is extremely touching and well done) was published in this month's issue. And while I didn't win first, second, or third place, I thought I'd share my submission here.
I'd like to say that, despite my serious initial struggles with becoming a mother, I'm really happy with where I am now, so please don't worry that I'm in a pit of parenting despair or anything!
As always, feel free to share any thoughts.
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I don’t consider myself brave. I’ve never run into a burning building to save a person or fought a life-threatening disease.
But if I had to nail bravery down to one act, I’d have to say that walking away from my career and becoming a stay-at-home-mom was by far the bravest thing I’ve ever done.
I became a parent at the age of 31. I’d been working full-time in non-profit communications and public affairs for a number of years in New York City and then Washington, D.C. My job took me all over the country and I felt blessed to have it.
Some come into parenthood easily. I am not one of those people. From the induced labor forward, I struggled desperately with motherhood. Looking back, it’s clear I suffered from some level of postpartum depression. I was getting no sleep, my baby girl was struggling with issues I couldn’t figure out (we know now that she suffers from severe food allergies), and I felt trapped. To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement.
About two weeks after my daughter’s birth, we celebrated Christmas with my family (who had lovingly made the trek from Canada to D.C. to visit us for the holiday). The Ryan family loves Christmas. But as much as we tried, Christmas 2006 was not the same as years past.
I can vividly remember getting out of the shower right before for Christmas dinner (my Mom calling from downstairs that the food was ready) and breaking down in tears. My heavy breasts were leaking milk all over my stomach and blood was draining from the wounds of having given birth to a 9 pound 6.5 ounce baby only weeks before. At that moment, on one of my favorite days of the year, I imagined what it would be like to walk in front of a truck and put an end to the misery. Pretty dark stuff.
I dreaded every night. As much as my husband tried to help, he had to perform at work and needed to get some sleep. I felt so alone and scared when bed time would roll around. My child would not sleep, which meant I could not sleep. And I am one of those people who really need their sleep (as in eight hours a night). The cycle of sleepless nights and lonely days left me desperate, at times. I sadly never reached out for any help. Perhaps motherhood was supposed to be this hard? People had always told me you don’t know how hard it is until you do it. But this seemed extreme.
We lived in a small row house in a central neighborhood at the time. Every morning I would stand in front of our living room window watching all of the “worker bees” head towards their various workplaces. They looked so fresh and well dressed. They walked with such purpose. They were like I used to be, and what I still wanted to be.
The United States is the only industrialized country in the world without guaranteed paid maternity leave. I was lucky my place of employment offered eight weeks.
Before I knew it, those eight weeks had passed by in a foggy haze of depression, dirty diapers, constant breast feeding, swaddling, shooshing and exhaustion (I now understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture). Most days, I couldn’t think straight. I had a lot of what I called “no drive” days because I would have been too much of a hazard on the road.
Clinging to the idea that I would go back to work, I took advantage of 12 weeks leave provided by the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). I figured that would give me time to get my head screwed back on properly, or to magically snap back into the person I was before becoming a mother.
As the seasons shifted from Winter to Spring, I would day dream about how amazing it would be to sit at my desk and catch up on emails while drinking hot coffee. I would imagine how sweet it would feel to board a plane solo for meetings in another city. How I would be able to sleep all alone in a nice, quiet hotel room. How I would only have to worry about taking care of myself and my professional commitments. And to converse with intelligent adults? Oh, how divine. How could I have taken it all for granted?
As I slowly made my way out of the fog of new motherhood, I realized that having a small baby and a full-time career wasn’t going to blend as easily as I had first anticipated. If I was going back to work, I would need quality child care that would cover my travel schedule and allow my husband and I the flexibility to continue with our professional commitments (he’s in consulting and has an unreliable schedule).
Frankly, I wasn’t making the kind of money that would easily cover the additional expenses of child care, dry cleaning, daily lunches, etc. How far ahead financially would I need to come out to make going back to work worth it? Or should I be working simply because I was not cut out to be a full-time, at-home parent? What was best for me? And what was best for my little family?
The answers to those questions changed as rapidly as the diapers I was changing. One moment I would be sure I had to go back to the office. How could I have invested all those years in school to now sabotage everything I had worked so hard to build professionally? The next moment I would think of how fast my beautiful (and still extremely difficult and exhausting) daughter was growing and how it would be such a shame to miss out on all those “firsts.” I knew in my heart that as shaky a job as I was doing, no one else was going to try to soothe and comfort her like I was.
I had become a mom and I was slowly realizing that my identity had profoundly shifted.
And here’s where the bravery part kicks in. About half way through my FMLA leave, I met my boss for a lunch date, ordered a glass of white wine, and quit my job. He knew it was coming...even if I hadn’t been willing to admit it to myself for months.
I had absolutely no plan. How long would I be home for? How would I fill our days? And what about all the other jobs I was taking on? I was now CEO of our family and that came with some serious responsibility.
I became the house cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry doing, dinner making, stay-at-home mom. I had to shake off my old “worker bee” identity and try to embrace this new, and frankly, much less glamorous identity. And I realized I was lucky to have the choice.
There were many bumps along the path to finding our family “groove.” Especially as we threw another baby into the mix two years after my daughter’s birth. I frequently questioned my parenting abilities (or lack thereof). I wondered why I still struggled while other moms made it look so easy (especially the moms working outside of the home! How did they do it?). I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it was a good five years before I felt like I (mostly) had a handle on everything.
On tough days, my old “worker bee” identity would pop out and reprimand my current “stay-at-home” identity for having given up my job. To this day, almost seven years into it, I can’t help but wonder how far I could have gone if I had stuck with my career. I’ll never know. While I’ve been doing some freelance writing, my old career path is dead.
It’s funny because I probably could have written the same essay if I had made the opposite choice. Going back to work, as the majority of new moms do, would have been extremely brave. But for me, walking away from my career was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. I’m proud of what I did and I’d like to think it was really brave.
Showing posts with label paid work force vs stay at home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paid work force vs stay at home. Show all posts
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Revelations...Part Deux
I came clean in a May 2011 blog post called Revelations.
I explained that I was committed to being a stay-at-home mom, but that I wanted more...something just for me. I wanted to write.
It's been just over two years since I publicly put my dreams out into the universe. And it looks like the universe heard me.
As I submitted an article to my editor this afternoon, I realized that I am one lucky duck. Somehow, I have managed to find a way to write and actually get published somewhere other than my blog. I kinda feel like I'm allowed to say "I'm a freelance writer" as well as a "stay-at-home mom" (if anyone were to ask!). And man oh man does that feel awesome!
I do not want to jinx myself here, but I am so grateful to have found a way to be there for my kids but to also be using my brain in a more intellectual fashion. It has done so much for me and I can honestly say that I am a happier person now.
I know I've neglected this blog as a result of the freelance work (and life in general), but I still think about all the cool things I hope to do with it someday...all in good time.
As always, thanks for reading.
I explained that I was committed to being a stay-at-home mom, but that I wanted more...something just for me. I wanted to write.
It's been just over two years since I publicly put my dreams out into the universe. And it looks like the universe heard me.
As I submitted an article to my editor this afternoon, I realized that I am one lucky duck. Somehow, I have managed to find a way to write and actually get published somewhere other than my blog. I kinda feel like I'm allowed to say "I'm a freelance writer" as well as a "stay-at-home mom" (if anyone were to ask!). And man oh man does that feel awesome!
I do not want to jinx myself here, but I am so grateful to have found a way to be there for my kids but to also be using my brain in a more intellectual fashion. It has done so much for me and I can honestly say that I am a happier person now.
I know I've neglected this blog as a result of the freelance work (and life in general), but I still think about all the cool things I hope to do with it someday...all in good time.
As always, thanks for reading.
Friday, July 20, 2012
The New Superwoman
My son and I have been doing a "superman" pose in swimming lessons every morning. He puts his hands above his head and pushes off from the steps into a superman glide...or a three-year-old's version of a superman glide.
Sometimes the teacher mentions doing a "superwoman glide," but not too consistently.
Needless to say, I was blown away when I heard about a real superwoman, Marissa Mayer. Not only is she the new CEO of Yahoo Inc., but she is only 37 years-old and is six months pregnant with her first child. I was glancing over the Wall Street Journal when I saw an article, For Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer, Two New Roles, discussing her upcoming dual roles of CEO and mother.
My jaw seriously dropped to the floor. I couldn't process it all! Not that I want to compare myself to her or make this about me, but reading the article made me realize what you can accomplish by such a young age and made me wonder about my list of accomplishments. I'm about to turn 37 and I'm still serving as the Director General, Ministry of Home Affairs for the Ryan Jyoti Clan (although I used to write and do advance work for the former Chairman of Yahoo when he served on the board at my old think tank...but I digress).
My husband and I went back and forth about how challenging her dual roles will be. Yahoo needs serious help and being a new Mom is pretty exhausting work. Our discussion ended up focusing on what help money can buy you, and if money is enough to make the role of new mother "easy." There are some things people feel comfortable paying others to do for them, and the more money you have, the longer the list grows. Where do you draw the line?
Is Mayer's compensation ($100 million over the next five years) enough to pay for every service a new parent would need? My husband thinks yes; I think no. Can you really off load ALL the responsibilities new parents face? It is the outsourcing of parenthood. I hope Yahoo gives her the support she will need to fulfill some of the more critical aspects of her upcoming role of mother.
I remember how I felt in the weeks and months after having my babies, and I tell ya, I could barely return congratulatory emails, let alone put on a suit and go kick corporate butt. While Mayer may be confident she can handle it now, I wonder how her perception will change once she is in the thick of it. There are things that happen to a woman's body, brain and heart after she has a baby, and no amount of "help" can change that. While I admit I'm a total light weight, I wonder how many women can effectively work through their maternity leave without having a breakdown from the pressures involved?
Anyway, all the power to our newest version of superwoman. I sincerely wish her and Yahoo all the best and hope she proves that you can have a new baby and be a successful CEO. It would be an awesome first.
Sometimes the teacher mentions doing a "superwoman glide," but not too consistently.
Needless to say, I was blown away when I heard about a real superwoman, Marissa Mayer. Not only is she the new CEO of Yahoo Inc., but she is only 37 years-old and is six months pregnant with her first child. I was glancing over the Wall Street Journal when I saw an article, For Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer, Two New Roles, discussing her upcoming dual roles of CEO and mother.
My jaw seriously dropped to the floor. I couldn't process it all! Not that I want to compare myself to her or make this about me, but reading the article made me realize what you can accomplish by such a young age and made me wonder about my list of accomplishments. I'm about to turn 37 and I'm still serving as the Director General, Ministry of Home Affairs for the Ryan Jyoti Clan (although I used to write and do advance work for the former Chairman of Yahoo when he served on the board at my old think tank...but I digress).
My husband and I went back and forth about how challenging her dual roles will be. Yahoo needs serious help and being a new Mom is pretty exhausting work. Our discussion ended up focusing on what help money can buy you, and if money is enough to make the role of new mother "easy." There are some things people feel comfortable paying others to do for them, and the more money you have, the longer the list grows. Where do you draw the line?
Is Mayer's compensation ($100 million over the next five years) enough to pay for every service a new parent would need? My husband thinks yes; I think no. Can you really off load ALL the responsibilities new parents face? It is the outsourcing of parenthood. I hope Yahoo gives her the support she will need to fulfill some of the more critical aspects of her upcoming role of mother.
I remember how I felt in the weeks and months after having my babies, and I tell ya, I could barely return congratulatory emails, let alone put on a suit and go kick corporate butt. While Mayer may be confident she can handle it now, I wonder how her perception will change once she is in the thick of it. There are things that happen to a woman's body, brain and heart after she has a baby, and no amount of "help" can change that. While I admit I'm a total light weight, I wonder how many women can effectively work through their maternity leave without having a breakdown from the pressures involved?
Anyway, all the power to our newest version of superwoman. I sincerely wish her and Yahoo all the best and hope she proves that you can have a new baby and be a successful CEO. It would be an awesome first.
Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
Friday, April 13, 2012
I'm Going Back to Cali...
I recently received an email confirmation for my upcoming stay in Beverly Hills. It had all my information and it appeared as though I was going to have a lovely 4 day visit. But wait a minute, I haven't been to California since I was pregnant with the babe. I called my husband and asked if he had made plans for a romantic get away to the City of Angels. I think you can guess the answer to that question.
The crazy thing is, the reservation was at a hotel I had stayed at numerous times back in the days when I used to wear suits and travel on business. I had a rush of memories and was struck with a pang to board a plane and head out West...alone. I can't explain how much I miss being able to do that.
After a few phone calls, I learnt that the reservation had been made by a travel agency in Australia and they had incorrectly typed in a rewards number linked to my name. I sadly cancelled the reservation. No Beverly Hills for me.
As I was bringing the little guy up for a nap yesterday (which he ultimately chose not to take), I told him I would read him a story because I hadn't had a chance the previous night as I was at my leadership training class. I told him I had given a presentation and got to be a teacher (which was true, I had to give a presentation with a partner on co-parenting). He looked at me all confused and said "No. But you're a Mama." I looked at him and smiled and told him I indeed got to be a teacher and that I actually do things like write. He didn't believe me. I realized it was a losing battle and I didn't need to try and prove myself to my 3 year old.
Sometimes when I am feeling run down and beat up and like my kids take me for granted, I want to put on a suit, leave the house, go to a meeting or something, and see how they deal with that. I want my kids to see that I am capable of being more than just their Mama. I want them to see a Mama who made the choice to stay home but who also tries to maintain some sort of existence outside of serving their every need.
I think this will be easier in the Fall when both kids are at school 5 days of the week (yay!). I am pretty excited about having the opportunity to try and kick off some sort of freelance career. I love getting to hang out with the little guy so much, but we are both ready to change it up. He is ready to be with people his own age 5 days a week, and I am ready to ease out of the role of full-time child care provider.
We are now on the official countdown to September. I am not going to be boarding a plane to LA anytime soon, but if I can start pursuing more projects outside of the responsibilities of my family and home, it will be good for everyone. Eventually I will be getting on those planes again, but it certainly will not be simple like it used to be. It may, however, be more appreciated, by both myself and my kids. Because there's nothing like leaving, but there's nothing like coming home.
The crazy thing is, the reservation was at a hotel I had stayed at numerous times back in the days when I used to wear suits and travel on business. I had a rush of memories and was struck with a pang to board a plane and head out West...alone. I can't explain how much I miss being able to do that.
After a few phone calls, I learnt that the reservation had been made by a travel agency in Australia and they had incorrectly typed in a rewards number linked to my name. I sadly cancelled the reservation. No Beverly Hills for me.
As I was bringing the little guy up for a nap yesterday (which he ultimately chose not to take), I told him I would read him a story because I hadn't had a chance the previous night as I was at my leadership training class. I told him I had given a presentation and got to be a teacher (which was true, I had to give a presentation with a partner on co-parenting). He looked at me all confused and said "No. But you're a Mama." I looked at him and smiled and told him I indeed got to be a teacher and that I actually do things like write. He didn't believe me. I realized it was a losing battle and I didn't need to try and prove myself to my 3 year old.
Sometimes when I am feeling run down and beat up and like my kids take me for granted, I want to put on a suit, leave the house, go to a meeting or something, and see how they deal with that. I want my kids to see that I am capable of being more than just their Mama. I want them to see a Mama who made the choice to stay home but who also tries to maintain some sort of existence outside of serving their every need.
I think this will be easier in the Fall when both kids are at school 5 days of the week (yay!). I am pretty excited about having the opportunity to try and kick off some sort of freelance career. I love getting to hang out with the little guy so much, but we are both ready to change it up. He is ready to be with people his own age 5 days a week, and I am ready to ease out of the role of full-time child care provider.
We are now on the official countdown to September. I am not going to be boarding a plane to LA anytime soon, but if I can start pursuing more projects outside of the responsibilities of my family and home, it will be good for everyone. Eventually I will be getting on those planes again, but it certainly will not be simple like it used to be. It may, however, be more appreciated, by both myself and my kids. Because there's nothing like leaving, but there's nothing like coming home.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow - Part Two
I realize now that yesterday's post was rather self indulgent and privileged sounding. Last night I was thinking about what I'd written and it dawned on me that I really should be focussing on how lucky I am to even be in the position I'm in.
As I watched Mothers trying to find food and shelter for their children in drought stricken East Africa on the BBC last night, I was reminded that I have no right to complain about my lack of independent travel and people watching opportunities. I chose my path and am blessed to be on it. The feeling alive sensation I had over the weekend was just a different version of the one I normally have now (like when everything is going smashingly well with my family).
I have never had both feet fully in the stay-at-home Mama thing, and have always wondered how long I would last with this job title. What I have trouble dealing with is the idea that it could go on endlessly unless I actively pursue another path. The more I think about it, the more I realize that path is going to have to be flexible and balanced. Needless to say, that isn't going to be easy to find.
As I ran from errand to errand this morning with the little guy in tow, I remembered how busy and important my job really is. It may not be what I was trained to do, but for now I am the best person to do it. No one else can be a Mama to my kids and for now, while they are so young, I think my efforts are best focused on the home front. If I can't get everything done now, I can't imagine how strung out I'd feel if I was at an office full time.
What I haven't told you is that I have arranged for the little guy to join a co-op nursery school for 2 mornings a week in September. He is ready to be away from me and I am excited to have found what appears to be a very loving and play based environment for him. It will also amount to 5 hours of "alone" time for me. This will be the first regular 5 hours a week I have had alone in almost 5 years. I know the time will go by fast, but I am already excited by all the things I hope to achieve with my special time.
Don't get me wrong, everything I said yesterday is still true (and self indulgent, but I really do want that feeling alive feeling more!!). But so is this. I just wanted to make sure I put out a balanced picture when sending my thoughts to the universe.
As I watched Mothers trying to find food and shelter for their children in drought stricken East Africa on the BBC last night, I was reminded that I have no right to complain about my lack of independent travel and people watching opportunities. I chose my path and am blessed to be on it. The feeling alive sensation I had over the weekend was just a different version of the one I normally have now (like when everything is going smashingly well with my family).
I have never had both feet fully in the stay-at-home Mama thing, and have always wondered how long I would last with this job title. What I have trouble dealing with is the idea that it could go on endlessly unless I actively pursue another path. The more I think about it, the more I realize that path is going to have to be flexible and balanced. Needless to say, that isn't going to be easy to find.
As I ran from errand to errand this morning with the little guy in tow, I remembered how busy and important my job really is. It may not be what I was trained to do, but for now I am the best person to do it. No one else can be a Mama to my kids and for now, while they are so young, I think my efforts are best focused on the home front. If I can't get everything done now, I can't imagine how strung out I'd feel if I was at an office full time.
What I haven't told you is that I have arranged for the little guy to join a co-op nursery school for 2 mornings a week in September. He is ready to be away from me and I am excited to have found what appears to be a very loving and play based environment for him. It will also amount to 5 hours of "alone" time for me. This will be the first regular 5 hours a week I have had alone in almost 5 years. I know the time will go by fast, but I am already excited by all the things I hope to achieve with my special time.
Don't get me wrong, everything I said yesterday is still true (and self indulgent, but I really do want that feeling alive feeling more!!). But so is this. I just wanted to make sure I put out a balanced picture when sending my thoughts to the universe.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow
I am slowly coming back down to earth after my marvelous visit to my favorite city. The problem with looking forward to something for so long is that you don't quite know what to feel once it's over. Needless to say, it was a brilliant adventure (thanks, A!). And while I was happy to return to my sweet sleeping children, my tired husband (thanks again, honey!), and my very own home, I am always sad to leave THE place that makes me feel so very alive.
As I don't normally get uninterrupted time to read, I had decided on some light entertainment for my train travels. The book I chose to bring along was about a single professional girl living in Manhattan, about my age. The character is at a point where she is questioning what she wants out of life and whether or not she'd even be able to play the role of the "good Mother" who makes necklaces out of Cheerios and plans blow out birthday parties for her kids. The character passes a comment that stay-at-home Mothers know what every day, month, and year are going to look like for at least the next decade. Their lives are determined by their children's lives and schedules.
Reading that made me feel sick. And as a stay-at-home Mother, I am not sure I agree. Or perhaps I don't want to think about the truth that may lie in her comment. I am a planner, so the idea of knowing what the next decade looks like is oddly reassuring. At the same time, I am not a fan of the next decade of my life being structured only by my children's academic calendars and extra curricular activities.
This leads me to the feeling alive thing. Being in NYC with friends who knew me before I was a Mama reminded me of what it feels like to be me. Just me. Christine. Not the wife part and not the Mother part. The me that used to have a job on Madison Avenue. The me that used to have a seriously active social life. The me that traveled, had fun, and a whole lot less responsibility.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I have almost everything I used to dream of having. I realize I am a grown up now and will never be that carefree girl again. And that's more than OK. But something about being on my own for the first weekend in over a year got me to thinking, how can I get this feeling more? Frequent independent travel is not doable for the foreseeable future, but would having a paid job outside the home give me that feeling back? Would having an identity outside of this family give me the independence and exposure to humanity that I seem to be missing?
These are serious questions which I've been facing for some time. And while I go back and forth on what the ideal plan for our family is, I am now realizing that the dream scenario has to include what is best for my family AND for me. While I can't run off to Manhattan whenever I need some feeling alive time, I want to remember the importance of that feeling. My quest for balance between Motherhood and personal independence is not a new one, but it certainly has come back to the forefront of my mind.
While I'm not going to figure this all out today, sometimes it just feels good to spit out my confusion and questions to the universe and see what comes back my way.
As I don't normally get uninterrupted time to read, I had decided on some light entertainment for my train travels. The book I chose to bring along was about a single professional girl living in Manhattan, about my age. The character is at a point where she is questioning what she wants out of life and whether or not she'd even be able to play the role of the "good Mother" who makes necklaces out of Cheerios and plans blow out birthday parties for her kids. The character passes a comment that stay-at-home Mothers know what every day, month, and year are going to look like for at least the next decade. Their lives are determined by their children's lives and schedules.
Reading that made me feel sick. And as a stay-at-home Mother, I am not sure I agree. Or perhaps I don't want to think about the truth that may lie in her comment. I am a planner, so the idea of knowing what the next decade looks like is oddly reassuring. At the same time, I am not a fan of the next decade of my life being structured only by my children's academic calendars and extra curricular activities.
This leads me to the feeling alive thing. Being in NYC with friends who knew me before I was a Mama reminded me of what it feels like to be me. Just me. Christine. Not the wife part and not the Mother part. The me that used to have a job on Madison Avenue. The me that used to have a seriously active social life. The me that traveled, had fun, and a whole lot less responsibility.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I have almost everything I used to dream of having. I realize I am a grown up now and will never be that carefree girl again. And that's more than OK. But something about being on my own for the first weekend in over a year got me to thinking, how can I get this feeling more? Frequent independent travel is not doable for the foreseeable future, but would having a paid job outside the home give me that feeling back? Would having an identity outside of this family give me the independence and exposure to humanity that I seem to be missing?
These are serious questions which I've been facing for some time. And while I go back and forth on what the ideal plan for our family is, I am now realizing that the dream scenario has to include what is best for my family AND for me. While I can't run off to Manhattan whenever I need some feeling alive time, I want to remember the importance of that feeling. My quest for balance between Motherhood and personal independence is not a new one, but it certainly has come back to the forefront of my mind.
While I'm not going to figure this all out today, sometimes it just feels good to spit out my confusion and questions to the universe and see what comes back my way.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Revelations
I'd like to admit something. Last week I was having a bit of a crisis. I was seriously questioning how much longer I was going to last as a stay-at-home Mama. I was feeling really heavy about it all and I was hoping the right answer would fall in my lap. As we know, life doesn't usually work like that.
As I struggled with all my whirling thoughts, I carried on with all my stay-at-home Mama duties.
On Cinco de Mayo, I decided to run off to the drug store to buy some nacho chips the babe could eat as she was allergic to some of the ingredients in the chips they had available in her class. I didn't want my little girl to be stuck with guacamole and no chips to eat at her class party. I was so happy to be able to do this simple thing for her and realized that I would not have been able to do it if I was late for the office. One of the babe's teachers, after realizing I had run to the store, said, "You're such a great Mom!" I'll admit that was very nice to hear.
On Friday morning the little guy and I got to hang out in the babe's class for a few hours as the babe's classmates took turns reading to me. Not only did I get to dive into my daughter's world, but I was reminded how different each child is and how behaviors and abilities cannot be compared. There is no "normal" when it comes to kids and I realized I need to lower my expectations of my 4 year old on a number of fronts (like sitting still at the table). Again, you can't do this kind of thing if you need to be at the office.
This brings me to a comment made by a Father of one of the students at the babe's school. He is always dressed casually and seems so happy (even though he appears to be chronically late). He never seems rushed and is always calm and loving towards his son. We had a little chat as we left the school together one morning. I asked him if he worked from home (being the nosy person I am). He told me he had an office but did most of his work from his home office. Then he made a comment which really stuck with me: "Nothing like being self employed."
I couldn't stop thinking about his words and I had a revelation of sorts. I want to be around to run my home and support my kids. I do not want to outsource my family and all the work that goes with it (please understand I mean no judgment on those who follow a different game plan!). But I do want something that will allow me to engage with the world in a different way. For some time I have been pondering what I want to be when I grow up. While there are many paths I could chose that would be fascinating, the one thing I am committed to is being an awesome Mom and Wife (work in progress).
But when it comes down to it, I also want to write. I realize that by announcing these intentions I am making a bit of a commitment to actually follow through, but I am going to start taking some baby steps. I am hopeful that moving forward with this idea will allow me to grow into a new part of my life.
Funny this should all happen in the week leading up to Mother's Day, no? So from now on, I am going to stop all my questioning, embrace the craziness and awesomeness of being a stay-at-home Mama and start brainstorming (ideas welcome).
As I struggled with all my whirling thoughts, I carried on with all my stay-at-home Mama duties.
On Cinco de Mayo, I decided to run off to the drug store to buy some nacho chips the babe could eat as she was allergic to some of the ingredients in the chips they had available in her class. I didn't want my little girl to be stuck with guacamole and no chips to eat at her class party. I was so happy to be able to do this simple thing for her and realized that I would not have been able to do it if I was late for the office. One of the babe's teachers, after realizing I had run to the store, said, "You're such a great Mom!" I'll admit that was very nice to hear.
On Friday morning the little guy and I got to hang out in the babe's class for a few hours as the babe's classmates took turns reading to me. Not only did I get to dive into my daughter's world, but I was reminded how different each child is and how behaviors and abilities cannot be compared. There is no "normal" when it comes to kids and I realized I need to lower my expectations of my 4 year old on a number of fronts (like sitting still at the table). Again, you can't do this kind of thing if you need to be at the office.
This brings me to a comment made by a Father of one of the students at the babe's school. He is always dressed casually and seems so happy (even though he appears to be chronically late). He never seems rushed and is always calm and loving towards his son. We had a little chat as we left the school together one morning. I asked him if he worked from home (being the nosy person I am). He told me he had an office but did most of his work from his home office. Then he made a comment which really stuck with me: "Nothing like being self employed."
I couldn't stop thinking about his words and I had a revelation of sorts. I want to be around to run my home and support my kids. I do not want to outsource my family and all the work that goes with it (please understand I mean no judgment on those who follow a different game plan!). But I do want something that will allow me to engage with the world in a different way. For some time I have been pondering what I want to be when I grow up. While there are many paths I could chose that would be fascinating, the one thing I am committed to is being an awesome Mom and Wife (work in progress).
But when it comes down to it, I also want to write. I realize that by announcing these intentions I am making a bit of a commitment to actually follow through, but I am going to start taking some baby steps. I am hopeful that moving forward with this idea will allow me to grow into a new part of my life.
Funny this should all happen in the week leading up to Mother's Day, no? So from now on, I am going to stop all my questioning, embrace the craziness and awesomeness of being a stay-at-home Mama and start brainstorming (ideas welcome).
Friday, January 21, 2011
Where Did All The Mamas Go?
I have been feeling kind of stranded lately. It may be just a January thing. But if I had to put my finger on it, at this very minute, I am annoyed by the lack of Mamas out there. Everywhere I go, every class I take, I am surrounded by a sea of Nannies. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with Nannies, it's just that I am not one. I am a Mama. And I feel like all the other Mamas went back to work, or something.
It's strange to feel excluded. Like I'm not part of the club. And the fact that I don't speak Spanish certainly doesn't help.
It can be lonely being a Stay-at-Home-Mama (SAHM). And as much as I try to set times up to see my real life SAHM friends, we are all very caught up in our children, their schedules, our errands, and our family lives in general.
I debated about whether or not to share this next little story, and have decided it's too much of a story not to share. Recently a neighbor/fellow SAHM, tried to set me up with another woman from down the street as our kids are about the same age. We had an email exchange and got close to booking a play date. Except the play date was to be with myself and this woman's Nanny. I am not a snob, but I was slightly offended that this woman thought it would even be OK to suggest that. I politely replied that I would be happy to plan something when the Mother's schedule freed up a bit. I have not heard back.
I know I told you I made a decision about my SAHM status, but some days, some weeks, and some months are harder than others. I know in my heart I am doing the right thing. But perhaps there is more of a balance I can find for next year. So if anyone knows of any local half day co-op preschools, feel free to share. I think the little guy would benefit from some structured program, and I would benefit from a few hours off child care duty a few times a week. It may, in fact, be a good step for the kids and I to take together.
It's strange to feel excluded. Like I'm not part of the club. And the fact that I don't speak Spanish certainly doesn't help.
It can be lonely being a Stay-at-Home-Mama (SAHM). And as much as I try to set times up to see my real life SAHM friends, we are all very caught up in our children, their schedules, our errands, and our family lives in general.
I debated about whether or not to share this next little story, and have decided it's too much of a story not to share. Recently a neighbor/fellow SAHM, tried to set me up with another woman from down the street as our kids are about the same age. We had an email exchange and got close to booking a play date. Except the play date was to be with myself and this woman's Nanny. I am not a snob, but I was slightly offended that this woman thought it would even be OK to suggest that. I politely replied that I would be happy to plan something when the Mother's schedule freed up a bit. I have not heard back.
I know I told you I made a decision about my SAHM status, but some days, some weeks, and some months are harder than others. I know in my heart I am doing the right thing. But perhaps there is more of a balance I can find for next year. So if anyone knows of any local half day co-op preschools, feel free to share. I think the little guy would benefit from some structured program, and I would benefit from a few hours off child care duty a few times a week. It may, in fact, be a good step for the kids and I to take together.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Decisions, Part 2
I left you hanging there, didn't I?
You want to know what my decision was?
I decided to stay home with the little guy next year.
You want to know how I decided?
I added it up. I sat down, and crunched the numbers. And it just doesn't make sense to send both kids to preschool in September. I would be spending what I made to cover the cost of it.
You want to know how else I decided?
I thought about how hard it would be to leave them from 8am to 6pm every day. And I just can't do it.
I am by no means judging those who do, and am so grateful I have a choice, but I am not at a place right now where I can imagine leaving the kiddies for that many hours a day.
I am usually a great Mom and quite enjoy it when I have only 1 kid around (if I do say so myself). In all honesty, I am not as effective or relaxed when I've got both with me, but I still think it is better for them and for me if we stick it out together for a while longer.
In September 2012, the babe will start kindergarten (public and free!), and at that point I think we'll all be better prepared and possibly ready to handle the challenges of living as part of a family with 2 working parents.
And who knows, perhaps I will get really good at this Mommy thing and won't be so torn anymore. Only time will tell. But for now, I am breathing a huge sigh of relief that the little guy and I have more time together and that I will be able to continue seeing the babe's excited face as she runs towards me at pick up time every day after preschool.
Cheers to the good life and to all our many blessings.
You want to know what my decision was?
I decided to stay home with the little guy next year.
You want to know how I decided?
I added it up. I sat down, and crunched the numbers. And it just doesn't make sense to send both kids to preschool in September. I would be spending what I made to cover the cost of it.
You want to know how else I decided?
I thought about how hard it would be to leave them from 8am to 6pm every day. And I just can't do it.
I am by no means judging those who do, and am so grateful I have a choice, but I am not at a place right now where I can imagine leaving the kiddies for that many hours a day.
I am usually a great Mom and quite enjoy it when I have only 1 kid around (if I do say so myself). In all honesty, I am not as effective or relaxed when I've got both with me, but I still think it is better for them and for me if we stick it out together for a while longer.
In September 2012, the babe will start kindergarten (public and free!), and at that point I think we'll all be better prepared and possibly ready to handle the challenges of living as part of a family with 2 working parents.
And who knows, perhaps I will get really good at this Mommy thing and won't be so torn anymore. Only time will tell. But for now, I am breathing a huge sigh of relief that the little guy and I have more time together and that I will be able to continue seeing the babe's excited face as she runs towards me at pick up time every day after preschool.
Cheers to the good life and to all our many blessings.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Decisions
Lately it seems like everyone is asking me if my son is going to go to preschool in September 2011. Applications are due soon and the process of guaranteeing your spot is a serious one.
This has brought up a lot of issues for me. Do I go back to work and put both kids in preschool all day, every day? Do I put them in school until 3:30 pm and get a nanny to watch them until 6:30 pm every day? Do I try and find a part time job that will give me more flexibility?
OR
Do I just embrace what I am doing and keep my son home with me for at least another year? Just because his older sister was so obviously ready for preschool at that age, it doesn't really mean he will be.
I have been a Stay-at-Home Mom for 4 years this month and I've never really had a long term plan. I've been hoping the right answer would just come to me. It hasn't.
And I don't like that I am feeling pressure to make a decision. I had my hair cut today (it had been a loooong time), and my hair stylist asked who was pressuring me. Good question. Maybe I'm the one putting all this pressure on myself.
Anyway, I don't usually read my husband's Wall Street Journal, but today there was an interesting set of articles on the state of Motherhood. Check out Mother Madness by Erica Jong for an interesting perspective. And then check out the author's daughter's perspective, Growing Up With Ma Jong.
Common sense would lead me to conclude that I really just need to do what I feel is right for my family and I. Only problem is, I don't know what is right!
To be continued....
This has brought up a lot of issues for me. Do I go back to work and put both kids in preschool all day, every day? Do I put them in school until 3:30 pm and get a nanny to watch them until 6:30 pm every day? Do I try and find a part time job that will give me more flexibility?
OR
Do I just embrace what I am doing and keep my son home with me for at least another year? Just because his older sister was so obviously ready for preschool at that age, it doesn't really mean he will be.
I have been a Stay-at-Home Mom for 4 years this month and I've never really had a long term plan. I've been hoping the right answer would just come to me. It hasn't.
And I don't like that I am feeling pressure to make a decision. I had my hair cut today (it had been a loooong time), and my hair stylist asked who was pressuring me. Good question. Maybe I'm the one putting all this pressure on myself.
Anyway, I don't usually read my husband's Wall Street Journal, but today there was an interesting set of articles on the state of Motherhood. Check out Mother Madness by Erica Jong for an interesting perspective. And then check out the author's daughter's perspective, Growing Up With Ma Jong.
Common sense would lead me to conclude that I really just need to do what I feel is right for my family and I. Only problem is, I don't know what is right!
To be continued....
Friday, September 3, 2010
Satisfaction
I am not getting a lot of satisfaction these days. I am a tad overwhelmed but don't want to drag you down in my muck. Like I said the other day, these are all good problems to have.Anyway....
I do all the laundry in the house (surprise, surprise). We have one central basket and everyone's dirty clothes get thrown in there every day. The basket is usually empty for about 10 seconds before someone is throwing another item in it.
What I wanted to tell you about is the feeling of satisfaction I have when I have completed and folded a load of laundry. It is such an awesome sense of accomplishment. As a Stay at Home Mom, I suppose my perception of "accomplishment" has changed from my working days.
I am almost sad to put away the basket of folded clothes because the evidence of my job well done is gone. How sad is that?
Anyway, here's a shot of my latest "accomplishment."
Thursday, May 6, 2010
My Job
Tonight I overheard my husband and daughter talking about work. My husband was telling the babe that both women and men work. He was explaining that some people's Mamas go to work in an office every day, just like he does. He then said that I (Mama) work as well and proceeded to ask the babe what my job is. "To bring us to the car," she immediately replied. That pretty much sums it up.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
My Pride
I think I just let myself feel sorry for myself. It is pretty ridiculous, especially after all my musings about needing to be grateful. Today I managed to get the house ready for the cleaning lady (I broke down when the little guy was born and have her come in every 3 weeks), bring the babe into school, get some quick shopping done at Target (where the little guy managed to get his arm stuck in the shopping cart and create a bit of a dramatic and scary scene), and rush home to deal with the HVAC cleaning guys. Not bad for a Wednesday morning.
The pride wounding happened when I spoke to my husband on his lunch break. He casually mentioned that he had had lunch with one of his his best friends (who happens to work a few blocks from my husband). I also happen to be friends with my hubby's best friend's wife (it's hard not using names all the time!). Like us, they are new parents (although they are "newer" than us and have only one child). My friend is a successful journalist who sometimes gets to write about her experiences in the crazy world of motherhood. Not a bad gig, right?
So, my husband mentions that our friend just wrote about an expensive baby equipment purchase they were thinking of making (Budgeting With a Baby in US News and World Report), and that she had mentioned a store (Giggle) that they had been shopping around in (I just happened to be window shopping there last night). Apparently the founder of this lovely national chain has directly commented on our friend's piece.
It became unbelievably clear to me that although I am writing about my motherhood experiences, no CEOs will be leaving comments on my posts, let alone reading them. And I felt kind of like a loser. Like a career less, boring, errand running, domestic bliss coordinator. My husband didn't understand why my mood shifted so quickly (nor did I for that matter).
So I had a little sulk (perhaps you could call it a pity party), heated up my husband's left over hockey pizza from last night (part of my health kick), and sat down to tell you about my feelings. And you know what? I feel better now. Sometimes we just need to embrace what we have...and that is a lot in my case. And I'll have to forward this to my journalist friend so I don't feel like a crazy mommy blogger! Thanks for reading...and feel free to leave a comment! I always love to hear from you (even if you're not a CEO type).
The pride wounding happened when I spoke to my husband on his lunch break. He casually mentioned that he had had lunch with one of his his best friends (who happens to work a few blocks from my husband). I also happen to be friends with my hubby's best friend's wife (it's hard not using names all the time!). Like us, they are new parents (although they are "newer" than us and have only one child). My friend is a successful journalist who sometimes gets to write about her experiences in the crazy world of motherhood. Not a bad gig, right?
So, my husband mentions that our friend just wrote about an expensive baby equipment purchase they were thinking of making (Budgeting With a Baby in US News and World Report), and that she had mentioned a store (Giggle) that they had been shopping around in (I just happened to be window shopping there last night). Apparently the founder of this lovely national chain has directly commented on our friend's piece.
It became unbelievably clear to me that although I am writing about my motherhood experiences, no CEOs will be leaving comments on my posts, let alone reading them. And I felt kind of like a loser. Like a career less, boring, errand running, domestic bliss coordinator. My husband didn't understand why my mood shifted so quickly (nor did I for that matter).
So I had a little sulk (perhaps you could call it a pity party), heated up my husband's left over hockey pizza from last night (part of my health kick), and sat down to tell you about my feelings. And you know what? I feel better now. Sometimes we just need to embrace what we have...and that is a lot in my case. And I'll have to forward this to my journalist friend so I don't feel like a crazy mommy blogger! Thanks for reading...and feel free to leave a comment! I always love to hear from you (even if you're not a CEO type).
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The Challenge
As you know, I am a stay-at-home Mom. I don't know how long I plan on doing this, and whenever I start to think about my game plan, I get overwhelmed. I want to take care of my kids, even though many aspects of the job drive me batty. But I am missing something. I thought I would take up swimming last fall, but that didn't happen. I thought it would be good to join a walking club, but that hasn't happened either. And I think a lot about what I want to be when I grow up. But no practical answers have come to me. People say you should identify what you love to do and work out a way to get paid for it. Can I make a living writing? I wouldn't even know where to start (and the fact that my husband always finds typos in my entries is rather troublesome).
So, after watching Julie and Julia last night (it was a "me" night as my hubby was out to dinner with a friend), I am pondering my rather slack commitment to my blog. I love to write, and I'm looking for "something," just like Julie. I'm not about to start cooking up a storm, but I can start to write more. It seems as though lots of folks are getting attention/coverage/movie and book deals these days by doing something extreme and writing about it (for example, see the On a Dollar a Day project).
I am not ready to do anything overly extreme, but I am pondering the idea of writing a blog entry every day. It does not have to be long and insightful, but it could relay a little nugget of my day to you. I have been happy to share my experiences (however inconsistent I have been) over the past few years, and I think writing every day will provide an outlet and a level of discipline I need right now. Luckily I've been a (rather slack) blogger for years so I don't feel like I'm jumping on the band wagon (even if I kinda am). But if I can find my path by hammering out a daily entry, then I'm all for it.
This is not a really well thought out plan, but I am excited about the prospects and the challenge. Hope you're in for the ride. Here we go....
So, after watching Julie and Julia last night (it was a "me" night as my hubby was out to dinner with a friend), I am pondering my rather slack commitment to my blog. I love to write, and I'm looking for "something," just like Julie. I'm not about to start cooking up a storm, but I can start to write more. It seems as though lots of folks are getting attention/coverage/movie and book deals these days by doing something extreme and writing about it (for example, see the On a Dollar a Day project).
I am not ready to do anything overly extreme, but I am pondering the idea of writing a blog entry every day. It does not have to be long and insightful, but it could relay a little nugget of my day to you. I have been happy to share my experiences (however inconsistent I have been) over the past few years, and I think writing every day will provide an outlet and a level of discipline I need right now. Luckily I've been a (rather slack) blogger for years so I don't feel like I'm jumping on the band wagon (even if I kinda am). But if I can find my path by hammering out a daily entry, then I'm all for it.
This is not a really well thought out plan, but I am excited about the prospects and the challenge. Hope you're in for the ride. Here we go....
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Something Changed
A few months back I was miserable bringing the babe into school every morning. There was drama (the babe pitching fits), danger (insane DC drivers coming way to close to my kids at intersections), and theatrics (me having melt downs in front of the general public) almost every day. I broke. I started using the "rope line" 3 days a week. I just couldn't take it anymore. The process of finding street parking, hauling out the double stroller (or the single stroller for the little guy and risking it with the babe on foot), and walking across very busy rush hour streets was just too much for me.
I also found the new school rule of "no strollers on the second floor" (where the babe's classroom is located) to be another major pain in the posterior. I was being forced to carry my heavy diaper bag (not because of the diapers but because of my wallet, keys, phone, etc.), and the little guy, while holding the babe's hand. Luckily there is an elevator, but unluckily the babe has to hit the elevator button every time or else all hell breaks lose. Once upstairs, I walk her down the rather busy hall to help her hang her coat, while trying to control the little guy and not get run over by other kids/parents going through a similar experience. I then help her deposit her lunch in the assigned spot and drop her off at her classroom. Good byes and kisses follow (that part I like).
The babe was not such a fan of the rope line (a bunch of teachers stand at the corner near the school and you can do a drive by drop off where the kids all hang onto a rope and make their way to the school at 9:05 am). But it made my morning so much easier that it was worth the trouble of dealing with the babe whining that she didn't want to do the rope line. Although I must admit I felt quite guilty. It's not like I needed to make it to the office or something.
Recently though, something has changed. I stopped relying on the rope line so much and have started bringing the babe into school, unless I have an appointment. I guess I just made a decision that taking her into school is one of the things I should be trying harder to make work. I am a stay-at-home Mom and I can do this.
So I now resign myself to the fact that nothing about the experience will be fast or smooth. Parking will be a pain, the stroller will still be heavy and awkward, and lugging all that stuff and the kids around won't be a breeze. But there is a joy I get out of seeing the babe's big smile when she sees her teachers and friends. I can also tell it means a lot to her when I make my way into her school every day. I also love the big hug and kiss good bye. She is always happy when I leave her at her classroom door, and she is always unhappy when I leave her at the rope line. And I really want the babe to be happy.
Don't get me wrong, it's still a pain in the posterior, but once I resigned myself to the major hassle part of the experience, I got to start appreciating the joy part of the experience.
I also found the new school rule of "no strollers on the second floor" (where the babe's classroom is located) to be another major pain in the posterior. I was being forced to carry my heavy diaper bag (not because of the diapers but because of my wallet, keys, phone, etc.), and the little guy, while holding the babe's hand. Luckily there is an elevator, but unluckily the babe has to hit the elevator button every time or else all hell breaks lose. Once upstairs, I walk her down the rather busy hall to help her hang her coat, while trying to control the little guy and not get run over by other kids/parents going through a similar experience. I then help her deposit her lunch in the assigned spot and drop her off at her classroom. Good byes and kisses follow (that part I like).
The babe was not such a fan of the rope line (a bunch of teachers stand at the corner near the school and you can do a drive by drop off where the kids all hang onto a rope and make their way to the school at 9:05 am). But it made my morning so much easier that it was worth the trouble of dealing with the babe whining that she didn't want to do the rope line. Although I must admit I felt quite guilty. It's not like I needed to make it to the office or something.
Recently though, something has changed. I stopped relying on the rope line so much and have started bringing the babe into school, unless I have an appointment. I guess I just made a decision that taking her into school is one of the things I should be trying harder to make work. I am a stay-at-home Mom and I can do this.
So I now resign myself to the fact that nothing about the experience will be fast or smooth. Parking will be a pain, the stroller will still be heavy and awkward, and lugging all that stuff and the kids around won't be a breeze. But there is a joy I get out of seeing the babe's big smile when she sees her teachers and friends. I can also tell it means a lot to her when I make my way into her school every day. I also love the big hug and kiss good bye. She is always happy when I leave her at her classroom door, and she is always unhappy when I leave her at the rope line. And I really want the babe to be happy.
Don't get me wrong, it's still a pain in the posterior, but once I resigned myself to the major hassle part of the experience, I got to start appreciating the joy part of the experience.
Friday, February 15, 2008
The Old and the New
Wednesday was our big flying day. We were off to Canada for another Montreal/Ottawa adventure. We got to the airport too early and left too late. In those four hours the babe and I had to entertain ourselves in a number of ways. The most popular activity was running aimlessley into fellow travellers.
Ronald Reagan National Airport is a small, clean and modern airport. It has good light and decent baby changing facilities. It is also an airport I used to frequent on business travel. Being there in jeans with a baby was quite different than in a suit with my laptop.
After trying to feed the babe for the millionth time (she is currently on a food strike), I gave up so she could burn off some energy. As she was doing a walk/run/stumble down one of the main corridors (with me following close behind), she almost collided with the Co-Chairman of the board of my former employer.
I wasn't surprised when he didn't recognize me. In fact, I wasn't even surprised that he didn't notice us at all. The babe is pretty short, and business travellers are pretty tall. It was just odd for my old life to almost collide with my new life. I guess it was only a matter of time.
Ronald Reagan National Airport is a small, clean and modern airport. It has good light and decent baby changing facilities. It is also an airport I used to frequent on business travel. Being there in jeans with a baby was quite different than in a suit with my laptop.
After trying to feed the babe for the millionth time (she is currently on a food strike), I gave up so she could burn off some energy. As she was doing a walk/run/stumble down one of the main corridors (with me following close behind), she almost collided with the Co-Chairman of the board of my former employer.
I wasn't surprised when he didn't recognize me. In fact, I wasn't even surprised that he didn't notice us at all. The babe is pretty short, and business travellers are pretty tall. It was just odd for my old life to almost collide with my new life. I guess it was only a matter of time.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Giving Thanks
It's that time of year again. American Thanksgiving (as a Canadian, I always have to say "American Thanksgiving" as we celebrate in October). Time to gorge ourselves silly on turkey and trimmings and to be thankful for all we have.
Last year, in addition to the above mentioned Thanksgiving traditions, it was also time to leave my job and have a baby. The babe was due right after Thanksgiving so I worked up until the Holiday. I was all ready to go into labour at any moment (although I was induced almost 2 weeks later, but that's another story).
As I packed up my office and said my good byes, I felt like I was going on a "break" from work, but I didn't realize it would be a "I'm never coming back" kind of break. A year later, I can't believe I've already been in the unpaid work force for 12 months. I still miss the adult companionship, the sense of daily accomplishment, the travel and the pay check. But I know these things will still be around whenever I decide it's time to dive back in (I hope).
This year I am truly thankful for my beautiful family, the fact that I've been able to share the babe's first year of life with her, and that I've discovered parts of myself I never knew existed.
To all who have supported us, I am thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Last year, in addition to the above mentioned Thanksgiving traditions, it was also time to leave my job and have a baby. The babe was due right after Thanksgiving so I worked up until the Holiday. I was all ready to go into labour at any moment (although I was induced almost 2 weeks later, but that's another story).
As I packed up my office and said my good byes, I felt like I was going on a "break" from work, but I didn't realize it would be a "I'm never coming back" kind of break. A year later, I can't believe I've already been in the unpaid work force for 12 months. I still miss the adult companionship, the sense of daily accomplishment, the travel and the pay check. But I know these things will still be around whenever I decide it's time to dive back in (I hope).
This year I am truly thankful for my beautiful family, the fact that I've been able to share the babe's first year of life with her, and that I've discovered parts of myself I never knew existed.
To all who have supported us, I am thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
The New Kind of Mommy
For any of you interested in the issues surrounding the working versus staying at home dilemma, you should definitely check out my friend's cover story, The New Mommy Track, in US News & World Report at: http://www.usnews.com/usnews/issue/070826/
Kim has done an amazing job at capturing what's going on out there.
Kim has done an amazing job at capturing what's going on out there.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
My First 6 Months as a Dependent Homemaker
I watch them walk by our house every morning. They’re off to their real jobs and I’m home in my pajamas. This is where my real job is now. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had, but doesn’t seem to hold the clout it deserves in today’s world. My daughter turns 6 months old today and I’m just so proud and relieved that we’ve made it this far.
The official leave from my “real” job is about to end. I was the first new parent at my office to ever take advantage of the 16 unpaid weeks granted by the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). That combined with my vacation and paid leave gave me a nice chunk of time. But that time is up as of today. I was due back at the office tomorrow morning. But I decided I’m not going back.
As I’m Canadian, I’ve had to switch my visa from a worker to a dependent. I’ve held various jobs in the US over the past 7 years and have always had my own visa and income. I am now on my husband’s visa and I wonder when it will start to feel normal. It doesn’t help that we’re in the process of getting life insurance and my job title on all the paperwork is “homemaker” with an annual income of 0 dollars. I now get a monthly “pay check” from my husband with “Mommy Duty” written in the memo section (we’re not organized enough to do our banking at the same place).
All that said, I know I’m not ready to have someone else take care of my daughter. But at the same time, I still want to have the respect I had when I was working (from who, I’m not sure). I want to know that I can take this time off to be with her and not be punished for it when I decide it’s time to go back to the office. Sadly, that doesn’t appear to be something I can expect. My old boss has told me to be careful about how long I take off as it could affect my future prospects.
It’s so sad that the new skills I’m developing will not be appreciated in the traditional work place. I have to be on call 24-7 as a new Mom. I never know what the day has in store and I always have to be ready for some emergency or other. The stress and exhaustion I have felt in the past 6 months doesn’t compare to any of the toughest work challenges I’ve faced in my career (maybe my jobs weren’t tough enough?).
Some days I really miss sitting in peace at my desk with a coffee and my email. Now I’m lucky if I can be on the computer for 5 minutes before my daughter loudly indicates her displeasure and jealousy. Other days I miss having a reason to get dressed in the morning. Pajamas or jeans/sweats, sneakers/flip flops and a T-shirt have become my new uniform. And my own pay check is something I’m sure I will continue to miss until I have one again.
It’s been 6 months. I don’t know what the future holds in store for me or my family. What I do know is that I’ve made the right decision for us now, and that’s all that really matters. On the challenging days I remind myself that jobs come and go but this time in my daughter’s life will never happen again and I’m extremely lucky to be here to experience it with her.
The official leave from my “real” job is about to end. I was the first new parent at my office to ever take advantage of the 16 unpaid weeks granted by the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). That combined with my vacation and paid leave gave me a nice chunk of time. But that time is up as of today. I was due back at the office tomorrow morning. But I decided I’m not going back.
As I’m Canadian, I’ve had to switch my visa from a worker to a dependent. I’ve held various jobs in the US over the past 7 years and have always had my own visa and income. I am now on my husband’s visa and I wonder when it will start to feel normal. It doesn’t help that we’re in the process of getting life insurance and my job title on all the paperwork is “homemaker” with an annual income of 0 dollars. I now get a monthly “pay check” from my husband with “Mommy Duty” written in the memo section (we’re not organized enough to do our banking at the same place).
All that said, I know I’m not ready to have someone else take care of my daughter. But at the same time, I still want to have the respect I had when I was working (from who, I’m not sure). I want to know that I can take this time off to be with her and not be punished for it when I decide it’s time to go back to the office. Sadly, that doesn’t appear to be something I can expect. My old boss has told me to be careful about how long I take off as it could affect my future prospects.
It’s so sad that the new skills I’m developing will not be appreciated in the traditional work place. I have to be on call 24-7 as a new Mom. I never know what the day has in store and I always have to be ready for some emergency or other. The stress and exhaustion I have felt in the past 6 months doesn’t compare to any of the toughest work challenges I’ve faced in my career (maybe my jobs weren’t tough enough?).
Some days I really miss sitting in peace at my desk with a coffee and my email. Now I’m lucky if I can be on the computer for 5 minutes before my daughter loudly indicates her displeasure and jealousy. Other days I miss having a reason to get dressed in the morning. Pajamas or jeans/sweats, sneakers/flip flops and a T-shirt have become my new uniform. And my own pay check is something I’m sure I will continue to miss until I have one again.
It’s been 6 months. I don’t know what the future holds in store for me or my family. What I do know is that I’ve made the right decision for us now, and that’s all that really matters. On the challenging days I remind myself that jobs come and go but this time in my daughter’s life will never happen again and I’m extremely lucky to be here to experience it with her.
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