Revelations

I'd like to admit something.  Last week I was having a bit of a crisis.  I was seriously questioning how much longer I was going to last as a stay-at-home Mama.  I was feeling really heavy about it all and I was hoping the right answer would fall in my lap.  As we know, life doesn't usually work like that.

As I struggled with all my whirling thoughts, I carried on with all my stay-at-home Mama duties. 

On Cinco de Mayo, I decided to run off to the drug store to buy some nacho chips the babe could eat as she was allergic to some of the ingredients in the chips they had available in her class.  I didn't want my little girl to be stuck with guacamole and no chips to eat at her class party.  I was so happy to be able to do this simple thing for her and realized that I would not have been able to do it if I was late for the office.  One of the babe's teachers, after realizing I had run to the store, said, "You're such a great Mom!"  I'll admit that was very nice to hear. 

On Friday morning the little guy and I got to hang out in the babe's class for a few hours as the babe's classmates took turns reading to me.  Not only did I get to dive into my daughter's world, but I was reminded how different each child is and how behaviors and abilities cannot be compared.  There is no "normal" when it comes to kids and I realized I need to lower my expectations of my 4 year old on a number of fronts (like sitting still at the table).  Again, you can't do this kind of thing if you need to be at the office.

This brings me to a comment made by a Father of one of the students at the babe's school.  He is always dressed casually and seems so happy (even though he appears to be chronically late).  He never seems rushed and is always calm and loving towards his son.  We had a little chat as we left the school together one morning.  I asked him if he worked from home (being the nosy person I am).  He told me he had an office but did most of his work from his home office.  Then he made a comment which really stuck with me: "Nothing like being self employed."

I couldn't stop thinking about his words and I had a revelation of sorts.  I want to be around to run my home and support my kids.  I do not want to outsource my family and all the work that goes with it (please understand I mean no judgment on those who follow a different game plan!).  But I do want something that will allow me to engage with the world in a different way.  For some time I have been pondering what I want to be when I grow up. While there are many paths I could chose that would be fascinating, the one thing I am committed to is being an awesome Mom and Wife (work in progress). 

But when it comes down to it, I also want to write.  I realize that by announcing these intentions I am making a bit of a commitment to actually follow through, but I am going to start taking some baby steps. I am hopeful that moving forward with this idea will allow me to grow into a new part of my life.

Funny this should all happen in the week leading up to Mother's Day, no?  So from now on, I am going to stop all my questioning, embrace the craziness and awesomeness of being a stay-at-home Mama and start brainstorming (ideas welcome).