Steak, Margaritas and Poop

To eat: Six ounce Fillet Mignon (cooked medium) with blue cheese crust served with garlic mashed potatoes and a side salad.

To drink: Two margaritas and some water.

That is a pretty ideal meal in my world.  It is a meal I don't get at home.  And sadly, it is a meal I only get when my family and I venture out for dinner together every five or six months.  Last Saturday we decided we would take the chance and head out to the Outback for a family restaurant dinner.   

There are numerous reasons we never go out to eat with our kids, and they include:

• The babe's food allergies make it scary
• The little guy acts like an animal
• My husband and I barely get to look at each other, let alone talk
• I have to eat WAY too fast as any second the scene could dramatically change and we will be leaving with take out containers instead of enjoying our hot meal
• It costs a lot of cash and I don't find it a particularly relaxing experience.  Quite the opposite, I'd say.

We should have known it wasn't the best idea after we wasted half an hour trying to encourage the little guy to have a poop in the potty before we left.  He hadn't gone all day and I was in no mood to deal with a blow out in a public bathroom.  As such, we went back and forth with him, knowing it was a losing battle.  We were all pretty cranky by the time we decided to give up and get in the car.  We were also fed up with talking about poop.  As we headed out, I selfishly mentioned to my husband that I would be happy to stay home and save the money we were about to spend for a date night for him and I.  Apparently that wasn't fair to the kids (what a nice Papa they have).  

Sadly we had to make a pit stop at the park near the babe's school as we had left her jean jacket there the day before.  Jean jackets aren't cheap and I really wasn't ready to permanently part with it.  Sadly that meant dealing with DC traffic and the always stressful Connecticut Avenue, which added a nice chunk of drive time for us.

We made it to the restaurant in one piece and managed to dodge quite a few potentially nasty children losing it type scenarios (example: my daughter is so competitive she was getting upset when my husband beat her at the tick tack toe game on the children's menu).  Our food arrived and everyone seemed to be doing OK.  The little guy, who has become a terrible eater lately, managed to eat all his burger and start demanding "more burger" from our poor waiter.  The babe seemed more into her apple juice than her chicken.  And my husband and I managed to polish off everything put in front of us, although in a seriously rushed fashion (I am a slow eater and eating fast really irks me).

Then it was time to take my juice consuming daughter to the bathroom (the ride home is a trek). We settled into one of the two stalls and the babe proceeded to have a good pee.  When she didn't immediately finish up, my heart kinda sunk.  "Oh No.  She's not doing what I think she's doing, is she?" I panicked.  The babe is extremely comfortable doing her business pretty much anywhere....public or private bathroom doesn't seem to phase her (probably because she's five and all).  The line of people grew outside the door and I could tell the babe (and the person in the next stall) was in for a long session.  I tried to encourage her along in a positive way, realizing everyone is the bathroom was listening to me babble on like a loon.  After a few minutes I realized I couldn't chat anymore.  I needed her to focus, and I told her so.  I know you can't rush a pooping five-year-old, but man oh man, as people started leaving the bathroom out of annoyance, I also started to feel pretty annoyed.  And I knew the little guy and my husband were probably starting to feel the same way.

By the time we made it back, we had been gone for over 25 minutes, which is longer that we had taken to "enjoy" our meals.  The babe seemed pretty clueless about the whole situation but my husband and I automatically exchanged looks and discussed on our way to the car how we keep forgetting how stressed out we get going to restaurants with our kids.  

Now maybe us parents need to chill out a bit, or maybe our kids don't get enough practice in public eating establishments, or maybe we should move to Europe so our kids can see how well behaved all those kids are in public.  Regardless,  I am fine with another six month break before we try that again.  It just doesn't seem worth it to me, and if that makes me a negative, crotchety Mama, than so be it.  I can wait for my steak.       

How Was Your Spring Break?

The past week I have fielded many questions about spring break.  The most popular question being, "how was your spring break?"  I have been smiling and responding, "long."  Depending on who I'm speaking to, they seem to either get it, or they don't. 

Lot of families take advantage of the 12 day chunk and travel.  We are not one of those families.  We were here, out of our routine, for 12 long days.  And that is why I have been responding the way I have.  Because 12 days with 2 little kids out of their routine is a long time, no matter how you slice it.  If that kind of thing doesn't phase you, than you are a better parent that I.

That said, we were lucky enough to get a spot for the babe at a very cool art camp at The Children's Art Studio that ran Monday through Friday.  She loved it and I loved that she had something to focus her endless energy on for a nice 5 day spread.

By this past Monday, I was, however, wondering why Easter Monday really needs to be a holiday.  It seems almost like cruel punishment to drag a break out like that.  So by Tuesday, we were all rearing to go and jumped back into our routines with gusto.

The babe was psyched to see her peeps at school (yay!).  The little guy was psyched to play with his nursery school buddies (yay!), and I served what will probably be my last co-op stint at his school (which made it easier to face since I wasn't exactly in the mood to play with 12 kids after having spent 12 days with my own 2 kids).

I don't think I will ever be the kind of Mom who enjoys things like spring and summer break, and I am OK with that.  One thing's for sure, it certainly makes you appreciate the value of your regular routine. 

And now that I have survived spring break, I can start stressing out about the summer.  Because summer, my friends, is just around the corner.    

Keep Calm and Carry On

I was so happy to get back from the holidays.  There's nothing like sleeping in your own bed after being on the road with kids for a few weeks.  And there's nothing like returning to your routine.  I would be lost without our routine and I rely on it heavily.  Last Monday I realized that even a "long weekend" is enough to throw me off.  Sadly, I am the kind of Mama who is burnt out after spending a few days straight with my kids...without our routine.

I won't get into details, but the highlight of last Monday morning was driving around downtown Washington trying to find a parking spot so we could go to the Natural History Museum.  I had forgotten that everyone else would be doing the exact same thing as the museum is located on the National Mall and Monday was Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  After 45 minutes of circling the museum to the North, South, East and West, and having every spot I had identified stolen by a more aggressive driver, I lost it.  I hit my steering wheel, started crying and mumbling crazily that I was NEVER going to find a spot and that I was just going to have to GIVE UP.  My daughter was already crying as we were supposed to be meeting her friend inside the museum and my son started wailing because he wanted to see the dinosaurs. 

I like to consider myself a good driver with relatively crafty downtown navigation abilities, but I simply could not find my parking mojo on Monday.  It killed me to do it, but I actually had to give up and create an alternative plan to try and make it up to my kids.  We headed to Georgetown to watch the ducks on the river and grab a snack by the C&O Canal.  I recovered the morning, kind of, but felt so terrible about my inability to keep my cool in front of my kids.  What kind of example was I setting as I blubbered my self deprecating nonsense, occasionally yelling at parking spot stealers while pounding my steering wheel in frustration?

I don't want to be that kind of Mom. I want them to learn how to keep their cool.  I want them to learn how to not take the wrong things too seriously.  I want them to learn how to find humour in the every day struggle (although we did manage to laugh about it on the drive home as I fed them cookies and played their favorite annoying Little People CD). 

All this is to say that I am tired of not being able to stay as calm as I would like when I am presented with life's constant little challenges.  I don't want to yell and freak out when things don't go my way or when my kids do the things that kids do.  I don't want them to be afraid of me and the possible reaction I may have. 

That's a lot of things that I want and that I don't want.  But other than tattooing "Keep Calm and Carry On" in some highly visible location, how can I deal with this unsavory part of my self?

I went to a lecture at the little guy's school last night on "How to Raise a Responsible Child" and I was reminded how important my role is in developing my kids' character.  They learn from what they see and I need to teach them by setting a good example.  This is SO OBVIOUS yet so hard to remember on a minute by minute basis. 

When I lose my cool, they must think that it is OK to lose your cool.  When I am checking emails and not listening to them, and then get annoyed and snap when they keep "bugging" me, they are learning that it is OK to ignore people while you fiddle with a technological gadget.  And when I yell at them in the grocery store (or any public place, really) because their behavior is less than exemplary, I am embarrassing both myself and them because I should be able to think of more creative ways to handle situations that I have been consistently confronted with for the past 5 years.  If I can not be a responsible parent, how can I expect them to be responsible kids?

Yikes!!!!!  They are going to need years of therapy because of me!!

So I am taking a small step.  I got home from last night's lecture and signed up for Managing Anger: A Parents Guide which is being offered at the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP), the same folks who held the preschooler classes I took last winter.  It is only 3 sessions, but I am hoping the 6 hours of instruction, thought and discussion will help me learn how to better deal with my parental frustrations.

Because as much as I'd like to make it to yoga and work on my deep breathing techniques, I think I am in  need of a supportive classroom environment where I can remember that I am not alone in this.  Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done and I want to make sure that I am doing it to the best of my abilities.  What is that wise old saying, again?  Nothing good comes easily?  Well I am going to work on this and while I would not call it a New Year's resolution, I am hoping I can become a better Mama so my kids will end up better people. 

I Show Well

I got a compliment last week.  Although I'm not sure how accurate the compliment is, I appreciated receiving it.

I was dropping off the babe at school and trying to deal with the little guy having a bit of a melt down at the top of a rather dangerous staircase.  I am not sure what I was doing which looked like "appropriate mother type behavior," but one of the Moms passing by commented on how patient I was.  I looked at her and started laughing.  I told her that I am not an exceptionally patient parent and if they sold patience at the store, I would spend my retirement savings on it.  She laughed and told told me that "I show well." 

I happen to know she is a real estate agent, and having recently purchased our first home, I am familiar with the term "showing well."  What I don't understand is how I could ever "show well."  I think that's because I am always stuck inside my head and dealing with a trail of crazed thoughts and occasional (OK, frequent) expletives.  Drop off is just not an easy thing to do with the little guy in tow.  This kid has gotten rather big and rather strong, and when he doesn't want to cooperate, well, he doesn't cooperate. 

I am pretty jazzed that I managed to pull off the "patient Mama" look on that particular morning.  Now I just have to aspire to pull it off every morning (Just joking. I'm not perfect!).  Maybe "patient Mama" will help bring out "patient little guy."  Or maybe not.  Either way, I show well.    

Perspective

As part of my positive parenting shift, I have been trying to let go of things I can't control, or that are not worth trying to control.  And what I'm learning is that it feel good to let go.  It feels liberating to loosen the reigns.  And I am now in a position where I am looking for things that I can stop worrying about.  One of the things I no longer stress about is my daughter's ridiculous and at times inappropriate fashion sense.

Part of growing up is learning how to dress yourself.  I will admit that I was, until recently, pretty controlling in this department with my daughter.  I felt I had a better sense of her daily needs and the most recent forecast information.  There's just so much about clothing choice that my young child could not grasp, so to keep her her warm (or cool) and dry, I would choose every item she put on.

Eventually we started fighting about what she was going to wear.  I still thought I should be making these decisions so I would allow myself to engage in these battles.  There's no better way to start off your morning than a screaming match with a preschooler over clothes.

I have now come to my senses.  The babe decides what to wear, puts it on, and usually struts into our room to show off her amazing abilities to choose her outfit and cloth herself.  It is awesome, and I don't care that she looks like a nut most of the time (and I also don't care about all the put together kids at her school because they probably aren't getting to learn how to be independent and to take care of themselves!).

Sadly I allowed myself to fall into my old ways this morning.  She came in with a tank top type dress (with leggings) that her Uncle and Aunt had bought her in Argentina.  It is a very stylin' little number, but it is still cool here in DC and I didn't want her runny nose or cough to get worse, so I casually mentioned/suggested that she may be more comfortable if she put a shirt on underneath the dress.

The babe did not like being told what to do and pretty much refused to change.  She grabbed a polar fleece and said she'd wear that to keep warm.  Trouble is I know she'd take it off the second she was at school and you couldn't even see the cute dress underneath the fleece (which incidentally her Nana had bought for her in Scotland).

I managed to rummage in her dresser and pull out a sparkly T-Shirt she LOVES which had been stuck at the back of the drawer for some time.  She immediately agreed and put it on under the dress.  Mission accomplished, I thought to myself.

When I dropped her off at her class she immediately walked in and pulled up her dress to show the first kid she saw her very cool T-Shirt.  I'll admit it bugged me that she was pulling up her dress as that's not really the kind of thing I want my daughter doing so confidently in public.

I shrugged and turned to leave when I saw a young girl in the hallway one classroom down looking through her cubby.  Only thing is, she was looking through her cubby naked from the waist down.  Hmmm.  Guess there's no point in worrying about the babe showing off her T-Shirt!

At the end of the day, I suppose I just have to keep it all in perspective.

Poker Face-Day 7

On the few occasions I've played poker, I did not do so well.  As I mentioned, I'm not so great at hiding things. 

As such, I think it's important to address my wise cousin's comments about yesterday's post (she is a doctor in Sweden):

"No no... not a poker face.
I have had SO many patients (psychiatry) lately coming from "perfect homes" where emotions were not allowed. It is not good. They can't identify what they are feeling so they just ignore it and give out all kinds of mixed signals.
The ones from homes where everything is dealt with openly are doing much better.
Let them see your emotions and let them see you deal with them. "real life" is full of problems and that is OK."

These are VERY good points and I thank you, J, for reminding us that kids benefit from seeing emotion/reality.  I guess I was thinking more along the lines of not freaking out if we're running late, not losing my cool over spilt milk, not going into a tizzy when the kids are running around screaming and chasing each other when I've asked them to clean up their toys (which they are about to trip over).

While I wish I could have more of a poker face (in general, not just with kids), I really just want to improve my ability to moderate some of my occasionally extreme (negative) emotions.  While it's important for my kids to understand that emotion is a healthy part of life, I want them to have many opportunities to mirror the positivity they witness in their Father and I. 

What I'm really trying to say is that I don't want them to mirror me when I'm walking around with a twisted face and ranting in my head.  I want to help them mirror as much positivity and patience as possible.  That means I want to feel as much of it as possible.  Part of that is letting go a bit more and not giving into the desire to meltdown when my buttons are pushed.  And part of that is trying to take a step back, take a DEEP breath, and realize that the issues we are facing are not deal breakers (thank goodness).  Easily said.  Not so easily done. 

If you have tips on controlling your parental angst, feel free to share.

Mirroring -Day 5 & 6

First off, thanks to my friends for all their lovely comments and book suggestions.  They are much appreciated (although I do wonder how you guys find the time to do all this reading!).

I was honestly too exhausted to write yesterday.  It was a long, overwhelming and challenging day where every member of my family was over tired.  I was not in a state to write about my amazing patience and positivity as I wasn't really exhibiting a whole lot of it.  I have to say that parents taking care of themselves definitely plays into their ability to be there for their kids.  And my late nights didn't help me feel up to the task of parenting.  The weekends always test my parenting skills, and when I'm wiped out fighting a never ending cold, I really should be more responsible and go to bed early.  Alas...

I did however, discover an interesting theme yesterday.  I had just been reading in my class text book about how children mirror the body language and emotion they see in adults, and if we as parents start acting all wiggy and stressed out, it's likely our kids will follow our lead and start acting the same way.  I can see the logic in that. 

In a TV induced moment of calm, I managed to sit down with last weeks' Economist for a few minutes. I came across an article discussing whether or not smoking in movies promotes smoking.  And guess what they were talking about?  Yep, you got it: mirroring body language.  As this concept popped up twice in a 12 hour period, I've decided it's worth paying some attention to.

As I continue working on all this better parenting stuff, I am going to try to pay more attention to my tone of voice, my body language, and my facial expressions.  I am not good at hiding things from people, so when I'm annoyed, it's pretty obvious.  Keeping in mind that I may get my own behavior thrown back in my face, I will try and keep an internal check on how I am sending messages to my kids.

Perhaps I should also take up poker playing....

TV-Day 4

Were you wondering how I did today?

Well, as it's so late, I will keep it brief.

I did pretty well, with a few hiccups here and there.

But the thing that struck me as blog worthy was the moment when I realized I was reading about limiting television time in my new  parenting text book while sitting next to my daughter who was watching television.

I'll admit it, it's easy to let kids watch too much TV.  At the same time, I'm not convinced that some thoughtful television choices will have a negative impact on my kids.

I do not think my kids watch too much TV.  I do think that academics who suggest television is the devil, are obviously not presently parents of young children.

There is a time and a place for TV and it's usually when it's time to calm down and mellow out a bit (like while I'm cleaning up from the kids dinner, or making some meal or other).  Sometimes it's better to have them engaged in TV than fighting with each other (or me) or destroying our house because they are over stimulated.

While many may suggest that kids aren't learning from all this children's programming, I'd like to disagree.

The kids learn about being a good person (morals and values) from the Berenstain Bears: about art, music and geography from the Little Einsteins: spelling from Super Why, various goodies from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Spanish from Dora and Diego, and general goodness (and Spanish) from Handy Manny (who I have a secret crush on).

In an ideal world, we probably wouldn't have our little kids sitting in front of a television, but in the real world, it's just not fair to ask us to shelter them from small doses of thoughtful television programing.  Sometimes we just need a break, because we as parents aren't perfect either. 

I know a lot of people who grew up watching much less educational "children's programming," and we turned out OK.  So for now, I am going to embrace the patience and positivity that 24 minutes of television can bring my kids and I.

My "Fake Positivity"-Day 3

In case you're wondering, I managed to keep relatively positive for the rest of our snowed in day yesterday.  In fact, we managed to get outside after nap time and create this lovely snowman.  The babe and I had a ball, while the little guy whined pretty much the whole time, except when I pulled him around the yard in a sled.

What I wanted to write about today is "fake positivity."  I have discovered that when I am on the verge of losing it, I have been going into "fake positive" mode where my voice goes up a notch, my blood starts to boil and I try to communicate my message in as few words as possible.  To me (and my husband) it's obvious that I'm losing my patience and ability to remain positive, and I'm sure the babe can see through it as well.  But for now, as I adjust to this new way of thinking, I am going to have to let it slide because it's gotta be better than yelling at my kids, right?

As I mentioned yesterday, the babe and I have a new thing to fight about: clothes.  And the clothes thing has brought out a lot of "fake positivity" in me.  I'm grateful she can dress herself now, but a part of me is really missing the days I could grab her clothes, put them on her, and be done with it.

Today I asked the babe if she needed help choosing her outfit for school (thank goodness it wasn't cancelled today!).  She was preoccupied with getting a band aid for a minor wound which did not need a band aid, so she replied that yes, she'd like help.  But I was to chose "only pink things and skirts."  My heart sunk.  Where does my little girl get this from? 

The text book for my new class mentions that little girls are exploring what it means to be girls, and sometimes that comes out in the choice of pink things with lots of accessories.  So, after explaining that there was indeed some pink in the shirt I chose for her, the babe ended up in pink socks, pink leggings, a purple skirt (as she doesn't own a pink skirt), a shirt with lots of pink (and other colour) flowers, a purple headband, and a plastic necklace.

I have to go with it.  I have to let her explore this side of her personality (and ask my Mom if I ever went through such a silly phase).  I just wonder how much comes from the girls at school, because it is not coming from me.  Sadly, the days of buying gender neutral clothes both my kids can wear are gone forever.

Another issue we're facing is changing our clothes all the time.  I feel like we are experiencing a serious surge in laundry.  As much as I protest, she doesn't seem to care how much extra work it is for me when she decides to throw on a new outfit every few hours (did I mention she manages to get them all dirty?).  This brings out my "fake positivity" when I ask if it's really necessary to be changing our outfit again.  Is this something I fight over?  Do I just suck it up?  Because I really don't think positivity and patience are going to solve this problem.

And if you think I should start having her do her own laundry, well maybe you're right.  But I honestly don't have the patience right now.  I have to save my patience for the things that really matter (like sleeping, eating and bathing).  The babe wants to do everything on her own now, but I'm frankly not ready to let her get her little hands on my new front loading washing machine! 

The Challenges of Positive Parenting in a Blackout-Day 2

Nothing makes parenting more challenging than losing your electricity for 12 hours. 

I got to put my positivity and patience project to work today, and not to ring my own bell or anything, I did pretty darn well (granted it is only 2:15 pm).  Unfortunately my husband didn't get to witness much of this patience before he left for the office, but I swear I was on my game from about 8:15 am onward.

The babe and I didn't have any battles.  Oh, except for when she walked down the stairs towards the little guy and I in her tights (it was 50 degrees Fahrenheit in the house) and tried to punch me.  I had just been struggling to get her to put layers of warm clothes on, and after much back and forth, had given up.  Clothing is our new war zone and I am trying to not make it a HUGE issue every day, but today I was pretty set on her dressing warmly, seeing as there was no heat in the house and it's the middle of winter.

As I mentioned, I had given up and told her I wasn't going to fight with her and if she didn't want my help getting dressed, I was going downstairs with the little guy.  This set her off into a big tizzy of yelling and throwing things around her room.  I was almost at the bottom of the stairs when she appeared, in a long sleeve T-Shirt and tights and proceeded to walk down the stairs.  I asked if she thought she was coming downstairs dressed like that, and she replied, "No, I'm coming down the stairs to hit you."  At least she's honest.  She struck out at me and missed (obviously she blew the element of surprise) and I proceeded to walk to the kitchen with the little guy to get him some Cheerios.  I didn't yell, I didn't follow her begging for compliance, I just walked away.

Within minutes she was downstairs giving me a hug and saying sorry.  I asked her if she wanted my help, and we went back up and sorted the clothing issue out.  I managed to get her into 3 layers which was close to the 4 layers the little guy and I had on.

Anyway, despite this one hiccup, I feel like a champ.  The kids and I read a gazillion books, we snuggled under blankets, we played together, and we managed to survive until the power came back on sometime after 11 am.  I remained positive, calm and collected.  I knew eventually we were going to be OK (as in not shivering). I was just glad that eventually ended up being before the kids bed time tonight.  Not sure they would have been fans of being stuck in a dark house with no heat, again.  Hopefully I will still be able to feel proud by the end of the day.  And hopefully we won't lose power again.

Patience and Positivity-Day 1

You all know I have been struggling with my ability to be patient.  I regularly struggle with keeping my cool when things aren't going as I had planned.  I don't know if I was always this way, or if parenthood has brought it out in me.  All I know is that I need to let go a bit.  To not take it all so seriously.  And to try and see things through my kids eyes. 

Last week I was struggling with both my patience as well as my positivity.  Parenthood was feeling too heavy for me and I wasn't exactly appreciating the bright side of it all.

To help me get to this land of patience and positivity, I enrolled myself in an 8 week parenting course.  It is 2 hours a week and they have childcare down the hall from the classroom.  We had our first session yesterday, and I was quite pleased with how it went.

Not only did the little guy have so much fun playing with all his new friends, I got to sit in a room full of Mamas and talk about our common struggles and hopes.  As I am pretty candid with my Mama blogging, I wasn't holding things back when I spoke, and it felt good.  In fact, one of my class mates thanked me for being so honest when I introduced myself and told my "story."  A few women were nodding as I spoke and commented that I had just summarized thier lives and that they didn't think anyone else felt the same way they did.

We sit on couches and drink crappy instant coffee with powder creamer and talk about how challenging our kids are (it is a class designed for parents of preschoolers age 2.5 to 5) and ways we can make things better.

The only problem with this course is that we are embarking on a movement towards "positive discipline."  This term means many things, but the biggest challenge for me will be to stop using "punishments" or the threat of punishments when the babe misbehaves.  There's a whole bunch of positive stuff I can do instead, which I'm not going to get in to here, but it appears as though I'm going to have to make some changes if I want to get to the place my instructor thinks I can get to.

Today was Day 1 of being patient and positive with my kids.  Not that I was never those things before, but I am making a SERIOUS effort to not give in to all the opportunities where the babe and I could get into a verbal throw down with each other.  I am walking away from opportunities to battle with her by using compassion, humour, and understanding.  I am trying to get to her level, look her in the eyes, listen to her, give her more hugs, and not yell.  WHOA.  As my husband said 45 minutes into the day, "Wow, I guess being positive and patient takes a whole lot of energy."  And indeed, it does, but it feels so much better than giving into the easiness of yelling at the babe and threatening her with our roster of punishments (no desert, no bath (just a shower) and no story time at bed).  

By bath time tonight I was toast.  I wasn't doing so great with the patience (I'll admit I was on my own with bath and bed time for both of them), but I managed to bring it back by cuddling up with my 2 yummy clean little kiddies and reading a story and singing some songs before bed time.  It felt good.

For the next 8 weeks prepare to read about my serious mission to learn, grow, and be a better, more patient, and positive Mama (and wife, for that matter).  I have 5 chapters of "homework" to read in the next 6 days!  Can't get more serious than that!

Asking For Help

You may recall I was having A LOT of trouble trying to get the babe to her classroom door every morning.  You may also recall that I just couldn't handle controlling the little guy in the crowded halls of the babe's preschool.  And you may recall I almost had a major meltdown, at the school, in front of people, while trying to help the babe with all her winter gear last Thursday.

Well you know what I did last Friday?  I asked for help.

I confided in the school's front desk staff member, whom I love, that I was having trouble and didn't know how I was going to continue to be able to bring the babe to her classroom every morning.  And guess what?  She offered to watch the little guy on the first floor while I bring the babe to her class on the second floor.  I don't have to take my son out of the stroller at all (which is priceless), and he seems to think hanging out with Ms. A is dreamy.  Luckily she thinks he's really cute (at least for now), so it seems to be win win for all involved.

TA DA!

We have been taking advantage of this kind and generous offer ever since.  And it makes morning drop off a whole different experience.  It's almost sort of pleasant at times.  All the kids and the noise and the chaos don't get to me as much when I am only chaperoning my 4 year old.  She is a big girl and likes to show off what she can do, and now I'm actually able to appreciate it and let her know how well she's doing.

All I had to do was ask for help.

Perhaps I should try it more often.

Be. More. Patient.

If they sold patience, I would buy it in bulk.  I would give up all my treats to afford it.  I would do pretty much anything to have more patience.

The kids.....who I love so very much...test...my...patience to such a degree I sometimes think my head will explode.  Being a Mom means I have to keep a lot inside.  There is a lot of inappropriate language going on in my head, and although I try to keep my game face on, I do not always keep it under control.  I do not curse in front of my kids, but I do blow my lid every once in a while.

Our morning wasn't overly smooth today.  But the highlight was dropping the babe off at school (we were actually on time).  I am having BIG problems getting the babe into her class in the morning.  There are so many steps to get out the door in the winter.  And the school hallway where jackets and boots are stored is so crowded with little people I feel like I am going to lose it. 

As I am not allowed to take the stroller up to the second floor, I have to take the little guy upstairs with no way of controlling his movements.  I'm also supposed to be helping the babe with her jacket, mitts, hat, snow pants, boots, lunch bag, etc.  Add about 15 other similar kids into the mix, plus a 2 year old boy who will not stay still and doesn't listen when you are yelling at him to "GET BACK HERE," it really is enough to break me. 

I know it's only a 20 minute experience, but it is the worst 20 minutes.  I guess I'm just jealous of all the parents who breeze in with one kid and are out the door in less than 5 minutes.  I know I always look like a mess, and I mumble to myself, and I don't look like someone you'd want to be friends with, but I suppose if I just get through it, the winter will pass and we will get to a point when jackets and all that jazz are no longer needed.

Perhaps I need to get more in tune with my Canadian self.  Be nicer, calmer, more patient and able to handle the chaos of children in the winter.

The Love

This morning the babe told me she doesn't love me.  Her exact words were, "I don't love you."  She was pretty clear, but I was luckily able to just let it roll off me.  I was surprised, as it was the first time, but I had expected it would happen eventually.  It was a bit of a rough morning.  I tried my best but know that I was at fault as much as she was.

I've mentioned that I find weekends difficult as a Stay-at-Home Mother, and this weekend reminded me why.  Having all 4 of us home for 2 days just seems like a long time.  Kids don't given parents much of a break, even if the parents need a break.  These early childhood years can be both brilliant and challenging.  I always hope for more brilliance and less challenge, but it doesn't always work out that way.  Especially on the weekend!

I commented to my husband this evening that it felt like we were living in an insane asylum (the kids were running around chasing each other and screaming at the tops of their lungs).  But I followed up with the fact that I was glad we had had the little guy so close to the babe so they could be buddies. As much as they drive each other nuts, and drive us, their parents, nuts, I suppose it's all good in the end.  I have been told we will look back at these years with fondness.  And while that may be hard to understand right now, I have no doubt that it will prove true (even if my daughter declares she does not love me while I am trying to enjoy my morning coffee).

Breaking Point

Some days the kids are just whiny and annoying, like today.  I had hopes that we'd have a smooth day that would involve watching some World Cup soccer.  By the time the US versus UK match was on, the kids were melting down, despite the fact they'd just woken up from naps.

I was cagey, frustrated, anxious and needed to blow off steam. It just gets to a point where everything rubs you the wrong way.  My observant husband suggested I go for a walk.  So I threw on my flip flops and left the house with no destination in mind.  I recalled a house for sale that I wanted to walk by, so off I went.

On the way, I passed by a house with 3 younger girls and a Mother fighting (in French) on their front porch.  I couldn't help but stare at what was, I'd guess, the ultimate breaking point for this Mother.  She was screaming and grabbed one of the girls by the pony tail and yanked her head back.  I'm sure she was holding herself back.  They didn't even notice me walking by as the situation was obviously so intense and all consuming.  The Mom managed to direct all the girls inside, and as I walked by I heard the front door slam hard and the Mother's continued screams inside.

As parents we are tested in so many ways, every day.  Parenthood puts us into the most annoying and frustrating situations and sometimes we just can't keep our cool.  It is like a volcano that just has to erupt.  It feels good to let it rip, but we usually regret it once the lava has spewed everywhere and we're left to clean up the pieces.  But we can't always be perfect.  And I will be the first to admit that most folks on this block have seen me freaking out at my kids as I try to heard them to the car or back into the house.  We aren't always at our best, and that's the reality of it.

Anyway, I felt so bad after walking by this scene that I decided on the spot that I was going to go home and get the kids into their UV protective swim wear and turn on the sprinkler.  The kids were nuts when I got home, but I got them suited up and we hit the outdoors with a burst of excitement.

It was the best thing we could have done.  They had an awesome time and I got to sit on the porch and watch them play together.  A moment of bliss in an otherwise annoying day.  Hang in there parents....no day can be perfect, and neither can we.

Letting Go

This week, as you know, I have been trying harder with the babe.

I am trying to be more affectionate, positive, encouraging, patient, loving and supportive.  Since the little guy was born almost 1.5 years ago, I think I have not given the babe the attention she deserves.  No one is perfect, but I think I owe the babe more.

As her favorite words are "I want to do it," I have been letting go more and letting her do "it," whatever "it" is.  I am trying to take a step back so that she can learn and feel needed.  I am trying to let go of my inner control freak, and to embrace being a Mom who lets her kids learn through trial and error.

On Wednesday I hosted my book club, and I got the babe involved in getting ready.  She helped cut the pita, transfer olives into a bowl, and fold napkins.  These tasks took a really long time, but I could tell they made her feel important.  That was a good feeling.

Last night I let her water our new garden. The promise of watering the garden was the only thing that made our trip home from school pleasant.  She knew what we were going to do and she was into it.  I had also promised she could help prepare the corn on the cob.  So we sat on the floor and peeled the corn skins back and made a big mess.  The babe was involved in making dinner, and she liked it.  And you know what, I liked it to.

What I'm realizing is that I have to keep trying.  I have to keep thinking up projects for her.  I have to keep her involved and active.  I have to let her make mistakes.  And I have to learn to let go.

It's a Love/Hate Thing

I don't talk about it in public, but the babe still uses a pacifier at night and at nap time.  She has 3 at all sleep-related times.  She's got one in her mouth and one in each hand.  Then there is a back up one on her dresser, just in case.  This kid has an oral fixation, no doubt.  Sometimes during the day, she'll go upstairs claiming she's tired, and I know she's just going up for a hit.  It's like she's a closet smoker.

We have thought about cutting her off so many times.  We've had a few short experiments but haven't held out.  The pacifiers, which she calls "baas," are her security blanket.  She never had a favorite stuffed animal or doll.  But she has always had her baas.

I find them gross as they get smelly and make her face crusty in the morning.  And I find the addiction annoying as she comes into our room at night when she can't locate all of them.  In fact, we can't even put her to sleep if she has momentarily lost sight of any of them.  But they calm her down and make her happy, so what are we to do?

The dentist has reassured us that it's OK.  She's going to need braces regardless, and there's no point going through the agony of cutting her off.  So, we are just going to wait for it to happen naturally.  She won't go off to college with a baa in her suitcase.

We tried to avoid creating another pacifier monster with our second child.  But the little guy has liked his pacifier since day one.  He used to be OK with 1 baa.  Then he upped it to 2.  And now we are at 3.  When I sit with him in the rocking chair after bath time, he points at the pacifiers on the table and whines until I pass them to him.  He will transfer the baa in his mouth into his hands when he wants milk, and then plug it right back into his mouth when he's done. After our bedtime reading, he lies down in his crib with a baa in his mouth, and one in each hand, just like his sister.

The pacifier has an amazing ability to make our life better, even if our children's dependence on it is frustrating.

Apparently it will be a love/hate thing for us for some time to come. 

Traffic

I'd like to share some wisdom from my almost 3.5 year old daughter.

Yesterday I gave in and took the kids to the park after school.  While we were driving over to the "hill park," there was a whole ton of traffic.  It was annoying traffic and apparently I was grumbling about it.  I asked, out loud, "WHY is there SO MUCH traffic in DC??" 

Behind me I heard, "Because everyone wants to go somewhere, Mama."

Right.  Thanks, honey.

Broken Record

I am getting sick of the sound of my own voice. I feel like a broken record these days. If you hit play, these are some of the things you will likely hear:

• Be careful please
• Are your ears open? Are you doing good listening?
• Did you hear what I said?
• Out of your mouth
• Soft touch please
• No hitting
• No, we don't do that
• Did you hear what I said?
• Good girl!
• We don't play with our food, we eat our food.
• OK, I'm going to count to 3
• Do you want a time out?
• Can you take it down a notch? Inside voice please.
• Good listening monkey!
• Do you need to do pee pee on the potty?
• Fait nice do do (this is part of our sleep time ritual). I'll check on you soon (this is another part of our sleep time ritual). Back in your room (also part of the sleep time ritual)!
• Please don't touch your brother that way
• Please stop whining!
• Can you wait just a minute/Can you give me a second?
• I'll be right back
• Is that how you talk to me?

And my favorite:

• I love you SO MUCH!!!

Testing Me

The babe is challenging me constantly. And not in a good way. I am very ready for her to go to school in September. Despite the fact she may one day read this, I have to admit I am loving my time with the little guy, and enduring the time with the babe. Some people love the toddler stage, whereas I am quickly realizing that I do not have the patience required. I know I need to try harder, be more calm, and try to be a bit more creative with her, but most of the time I'm just trying to get through the day without losing it on her.

We had friends over for dinner on Saturday night and while we sat at the table eating, the babe (who was supposed to be watching "educational" cartoons) took a crayon and drew on the living room wall and then on the front door. Last week she hit her brother (still a baby) on the head 3 times. Yesterday morning she hit me. The day before she tried to bite me. She has kicked me countless times (intentionally I might add) while I am changing her diaper (which I am very sick of doing). She can also be abusive with her little friends. Last week she bludgeoned a worm to death with a stick. That can't be a good sign, can it?

One of her new favorites is, "No, YOU don't talk to me that way." I have replied that I can talk to her any way I want because I am her mother. She replies, "No, you're NOT my mother."

When asked why she did something (always a naughty something), she will usually reply, "Because I DO THAT sometimes."

What happened to my sweet little baby girl? Is this going to happen to the little guy as well, or is this just the babe's personality coming out in full force? No one told me having a baby was easier than having a toddler (except for the continued sleep deprivation). Does that mean it's just going to keep getting harder and harder?

She makes me want to run back to the land of the employed (gasp)...but that would mean I couldn't be with the little guy, and I can not even ponder that possibility. I suppose I must soldier on until school begins. I think we will all be ready when it does.

But it's not all bad. The babe can be really sweet to me at times and she is really cute when she's sleeping. Count my blessings, right?