Friday, April 13, 2012

I'm Going Back to Cali...

I recently received an email confirmation for my upcoming stay in Beverly Hills.  It had all my information and it appeared as though I was going to have a lovely 4 day visit.  But wait a minute, I haven't been to California since I was pregnant with the babe.  I called my husband and asked if he had made plans for a romantic get away to the City of Angels.  I think you can guess the answer to that question.

The crazy thing is, the reservation was at a hotel I had stayed at numerous times back in the days when I used to wear suits and travel on business.  I had a rush of memories and was struck with a pang to board a plane and head out West...alone.  I can't explain how much I miss being able to do that.

After a few phone calls, I learnt that the reservation had been made by a travel agency in Australia and they had incorrectly typed in a rewards number linked to my name.  I sadly cancelled the reservation.  No Beverly Hills for me.

As I was bringing the little guy up for a nap yesterday (which he ultimately chose not to take), I told him I would read him a story because I hadn't had a chance the previous night as I was at my leadership training class.  I told him I had given a presentation and got to be a teacher (which was true, I had to give a presentation with a partner on co-parenting).  He looked at me all confused and said "No.  But you're a Mama."  I looked at him and smiled and told him I indeed got to be a teacher and that I actually do things like write.  He didn't believe me.  I realized it was a losing battle and I didn't need to try and prove myself to my 3 year old.

Sometimes when I am feeling run down and beat up and like my kids take me for granted, I want to put on a suit, leave the house, go to a meeting or something, and see how they deal with that.  I want my kids to see that I am capable of being more than just their Mama.  I want them to see a Mama who made the choice to stay home but who also tries to maintain some sort of existence outside of serving their every need.

I think this will be easier in the Fall when both kids are at school 5 days of the week (yay!).  I am pretty excited about having the opportunity to try and kick off some sort of freelance career.  I love getting to hang out with the little guy so much, but we are both ready to change it up.  He is ready to be with people his own age 5 days a week, and I am ready to ease out of the role of full-time child care provider. 

We are now on the official countdown to September.  I am not going to be boarding a plane to LA anytime soon, but if I can start pursuing more projects outside of the responsibilities of my family and home, it will be good for everyone.  Eventually I will be getting on those planes again, but it certainly will not be simple like it used to be.  It may, however, be more appreciated, by both myself and my kids.  Because there's nothing like leaving, but there's nothing like coming home.

1 comment:

Mamabeing said...

Wow, this is so funny. A few nights ago (maybe even the night after you wrote this) I had a dream that you and I were at an airport together, waiting to get on a plane. it was just so nice to be with you chatting and catching up and I was looking forward to the long plane ride with you just talking. We were all kids. Oh, wouldn't that be sweet, my old friend? I have been meaning to write to you since that dream and instead I came here to catch up on your blog first...only to find this post. Hmmmmm....