Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow - Part Two

I realize now that yesterday's post was rather self indulgent and privileged sounding.  Last night I was thinking about what I'd written and it dawned on me that I really should be focussing on how lucky I am to even be in the position I'm in. 

As I watched Mothers trying to find food and shelter for their children in drought stricken East Africa on the BBC last night, I was reminded that I have no right to complain about my lack of independent travel and people watching opportunities.  I chose my path and am blessed to be on it.  The feeling alive sensation I had over the weekend was just a different version of the one I normally have now (like when everything is going smashingly well with my family).  

I have never had both feet fully in the stay-at-home Mama thing, and have always wondered how long I would last with this job title.  What I have trouble dealing with is the idea that it could go on endlessly unless I actively pursue another path.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that path is going to have to be flexible and balanced.  Needless to say, that isn't going to be easy to find. 

As I ran from errand to errand this morning with the little guy in tow, I remembered how busy and important my job really is.  It may not be what I was trained to do, but for now I am the best person to do it.  No one else can be a Mama to my kids and for now, while they are so young, I think my efforts are best focused on the home front.  If I can't get everything done now, I can't imagine how strung out I'd feel if I was at an office full time.

What I haven't told you is that I have arranged for the little guy to join a co-op nursery school for 2 mornings a week in September.  He is ready to be away from me and I am excited to have found what appears to be a very loving and play based environment for him.  It will also amount to 5 hours of "alone" time for me.  This will be the first regular 5 hours a week I have had alone in almost 5 years.  I know the time will go by fast, but I am already excited by all the things I hope to achieve with my special time.

Don't get me wrong, everything I said yesterday is still true (and self indulgent, but I really do want that feeling alive feeling more!!).  But so is this.  I just wanted to make sure I put out a balanced picture when sending my thoughts to the universe.

1 comment:

Mamabeing said...

I think it is ok to want that feeling more. It does sometimes feel isolating and dull to be a SAHM. I think if you folow what makes you feel alive, bit by bit it will lead you out into a new life with work and family balance. And as your kids get older it will be good for them to see you following your bliss, too.