Monday, September 14, 2009


My husband is away in Boston on business. He left on Sunday morning and gets back on Tuesday night. It's only 2 nights away but it somehow feels like an eternity.

I am an independent person, and have no problem being alone. I have even lived alone, granted it was many moons ago. I just don't like the nights in this big rental house. Our place has many windows and doors and although I know I am being irrational, I have a seriously difficult time falling asleep and staying asleep. There are so many ways to get into our home that I lie in bed listening for noises I shouldn't be hearing! I have the land line phone, my cell phone, and a flashlight on my bed side table (along with the clock, a lamp, my lip balm, kleenex and 2 baby monitors).

Being responsible for the 2 kids adds a lot of pressure. Ever since the fire in the little guy's room, I am pretty freaked out about bad things happening at night. I was asleep when the fire started, and now that I know it can happen, I have trouble letting down my guard if no one else is around. Needless to say, between the little guy's rather frequent wakings (he's been really congested for a week now and still eats twice a night), and my own paranoia, there wasn't much rest going on last night.

I only have to tough it out one more night. As I sit here and write (it's a little after 9pm), I am so exhausted I just want to go have a hot shower and pass out. But the babe is still awake for some reason and I have to wait it out. I can't get ready for bed if my toddler is still in her bed singing to herself.

Anyway, here's to all the moms out there who are way tougher than I. I certainly have a few things to learn about controlling irrational night fears. It's just too hard to be strong 24-7. Bonne nuit!


Anonymous said...

The night fears are not irrational. You had some pretty scary stuff happen. It is totally rational to be more aware after a thing like that. I listen to all the night noises too when I at home alone... rationally..I check the locks and then decide that me as an exhausted wreck the next day is a bigger hazard risk in my kids lives than the risk of something happening and sleep like a log.

"God Grant thee the serenity to accept the things that cannot be changed. The courage to change the things you can,

And the wisdom to know the difference" An irish blessing :)

Catherine Ryan said...


I feel for you, Garth is in China at the moment for a week and a half. I am fine when he is around (even if he is not in the house but is coming home late) but when he is away I seem to turn into a blithering mess. I have to leave a light on in the house and I hear noises and start imagining the most horrible things happening in the house.

Being pregnant too (did you know that? 19 weeks now), I have terrible nightmares. He is away 1 -1 1/2 weeks of every month at the moment and it is doing my head in.

Chin up, you're not alone but I know it does feel like that at night in a big empty house with o adult to talk to.