The little guy has been making some progress on the toilet training front. He will use the facilities a number of times a day, and sometimes he will use them without being prompted by a concerned parent.
As we drove home from picking up the babe at preschool yesterday, the little guy announced he had to go potty. He had not pooped all day and I had been waiting for a blow out. I was so excited I almost lost track of the fact I was driving the car.
Luckily we were close to home and I managed to get him on the toilet in time. He spent the next 15 minutes doing his business while the babe and I clapped every time we heard a fart or a poop hitting the water of the toilet bowl. We are clappers around here.
My husband, good man that he is, has been taking the little guy to the potty first thing in the morning to help him get used to this daily ritual. This morning the little guy's diaper was pretty dry and my husband felt it was time to try out the underwear. After they did their potty thing, my husband put the little guy into his Lightning McQueen underpants. My husband was pretty psyched and was feeling as if we had turned some sort of potty training corner.
He suggested we send the little guy to school in underpants. While I appreciated my husband's enthusiasm, I did not want to put my son's teachers or a co-oping parent through the "accident" scenario. I put my foot down and said that the little guy was just not ready. I believe in my kid, but I have been down this potty training path before, and I am all too aware of the harsh realities of mastering bladder control.
So we agreed he could hang out in the underpants until it was time to leave for school. As I was making the babe's lunch downstairs, I heard my husband call out, "honey, he peed on the comforter." I am not into saying "I told you so," but come on now, honey, I told you so (and thanks for admitting you were wrong about that one)!
As I write, my comforter cover is in the dryer and my comforter is in the washing machine. I support progress. But I don't support my son wearing underpants while hanging out in my bed. So is the little guy ready for those fancy Lightning McQueen undies? Not so much. Not. So. Much.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Responsibility
Well folks, guess who is the newest (and only) "staff writer" for the neighborhood newsletter? That's right. You guessed it. Moi. Pretty cool, right?
I thought I would share an article I wrote for the spring edition:
Raising Responsible Children
My husband and I were recently discussing how we could encourage our kids to take more responsibility for their actions. As we picked up Cheerios from the dining room floor and scrubbed food marks off the walls, our conversation focused on how to determine the appropriate level of discipline and instruction necessary in dealing with our three- and five-year-old children. How do we raise responsible children while promoting our family’s version of the “happy medium”?
A few days after our discussion, I received an invitation to a lecture, “Raising Responsible Children,” at Concord-St. Andrew’s Cooperative Nursery School. The speaker, Robyn Des Roches, is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) based in Kensington, MD. Having taken a few parenting classes with PEP last winter, I knew I should take advantage of this timely opportunity.
The discussion started off with a review of what responsibility means in today’s society. While responsibility used to mean obedience, it now refers to “a process of making choices and then accepting the consequences of those choices.” Ms. Des Roches explained that every child needs to belong and to have a sense of purpose. By providing our children with positive and constructive roles around the home, we are able to harness the enthusiasm young children naturally have and take advantage of the ages when they are most motivated to help (between two and four). Children used to have a lot more stake and responsibility in the day to day operations of the home and by giving them valuable roles, we are giving them a sense of self worth and ownership.
According to Ms. Des Roches, the real goals of family work are competence, contribution, cooperation, confidence and independence. While we as parents are not exactly “lightening” our work load by getting our children involved, we are encouraging our kids to develop these amazing qualities. We are helping them see outside of themselves; an important skill, no doubt.
Here are a few basic guidelines parents can follow:
• Never do for a child what he can do for himself
My three-year-old son loves to help get the oatmeal ready for breakfast every morning. The day of the lecture, I had gone ahead and made the oatmeal before he came downstairs to help (I was running late). When he saw I had made everyone’s breakfast, he proceeded to have a melt-down of epic proportions. I had stolen his thunder. He loves to help out, and I took away a job that made him feel independent and useful.
As parents, we should be focusing on the process and effort, not the final product. That means we can throw our ideals of perfection out the window (adopt the “good enough” standard), and allow the process to become fun, not something we have to do.
After the oatmeal debacle, and still running behind schedule, I made another parenting faux pas. I jumped in to tie my daughter’s shoe laces because she was taking too long. She could do it for herself, but I took over the job because I am faster.
Ms. Des Roches discussed how parents should be encouraging their kids to help at every opportunity, even if it slows everyone down. Not to blow the shoe laces out of proportion, but by taking over a task my daughter is mastering, I was sending her a message that she wasn’t good enough (although at the time I was truly just in a rush and running short on patience).
Parents should teach their kids to make friends with mistakes. We are not perfect; nor are they. It is only natural to want to shield our children from unhappiness, but kids need to be allowed to experience struggle and negative emotions. Learning how to deal with these difficult emotions and scenarios allows them to become stronger.
• Use consequences (instead of punishment) and problem solving
As the old saying goes, experience is the best teacher. Let your kids make mistakes and allow “natural” consequences to teach. Consequences should be related, reasonable, respectful and helpful.
I’ll be the first to admit that I find it much easier to yell off a list of random punishments in the heat of the moment, but in the long term it is best to allow the kids to learn from their experiences in a more logical and less emotional way. For example, if your kids are playing around at bath/bed time and not cooperating, a natural consequence is that there is not enough time for stories before bed. They made their choice and have to live with the consequences of their actions.
• Allow time for training
Sometimes I forget that my kids weren’t born knowing how to do everything. I’ll be the first to admit that I can have a pretty unreasonable level of expectation when it comes to the skills and abilities I think they should already posses.
In reality, kids need to be trained how to complete a task. As Ms. Des Roches explained, it is up to us as their parents to choose the right time for this training, use routines and to break tasks down into smaller parts. I was surprised to learn that it takes a child two years to master a skill. Considering my son just turned three, perhaps I should be lightening up a bit.
• Beware of power struggles (don’t come on too strong)
It is helpful to change up jobs once a week and to offer choices in how and when to tackle a chore. It is not whether our kids will do the job, but how they will do it. This allows them to feel like they have a choice and helps us all avoid power struggles.
Instead of using non-specific praise (like good job!), we should try to express detailed appreciation for help provided (thank you for loading the dish washer!). If our kids know exactly what they did well, they will be more encouraged to do it again.
Leaving the lecture I felt slightly less overwhelmed by the heavy responsibilities of parenting. While I would not say any of this is easy, it certainly is helpful to have a few guidelines to follow when dealing with the daily challenge of raising responsible kids.
Next time we’ll have our children pick up those Cheerios and scrub the dining room walls.
To find out more about the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) or to register for classes, please visit www.PEPparenting.org or call 301.929.8824.
I thought I would share an article I wrote for the spring edition:
Raising Responsible Children
My husband and I were recently discussing how we could encourage our kids to take more responsibility for their actions. As we picked up Cheerios from the dining room floor and scrubbed food marks off the walls, our conversation focused on how to determine the appropriate level of discipline and instruction necessary in dealing with our three- and five-year-old children. How do we raise responsible children while promoting our family’s version of the “happy medium”?
A few days after our discussion, I received an invitation to a lecture, “Raising Responsible Children,” at Concord-St. Andrew’s Cooperative Nursery School. The speaker, Robyn Des Roches, is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) based in Kensington, MD. Having taken a few parenting classes with PEP last winter, I knew I should take advantage of this timely opportunity.
The discussion started off with a review of what responsibility means in today’s society. While responsibility used to mean obedience, it now refers to “a process of making choices and then accepting the consequences of those choices.” Ms. Des Roches explained that every child needs to belong and to have a sense of purpose. By providing our children with positive and constructive roles around the home, we are able to harness the enthusiasm young children naturally have and take advantage of the ages when they are most motivated to help (between two and four). Children used to have a lot more stake and responsibility in the day to day operations of the home and by giving them valuable roles, we are giving them a sense of self worth and ownership.
According to Ms. Des Roches, the real goals of family work are competence, contribution, cooperation, confidence and independence. While we as parents are not exactly “lightening” our work load by getting our children involved, we are encouraging our kids to develop these amazing qualities. We are helping them see outside of themselves; an important skill, no doubt.
Here are a few basic guidelines parents can follow:
• Never do for a child what he can do for himself
My three-year-old son loves to help get the oatmeal ready for breakfast every morning. The day of the lecture, I had gone ahead and made the oatmeal before he came downstairs to help (I was running late). When he saw I had made everyone’s breakfast, he proceeded to have a melt-down of epic proportions. I had stolen his thunder. He loves to help out, and I took away a job that made him feel independent and useful.
As parents, we should be focusing on the process and effort, not the final product. That means we can throw our ideals of perfection out the window (adopt the “good enough” standard), and allow the process to become fun, not something we have to do.
After the oatmeal debacle, and still running behind schedule, I made another parenting faux pas. I jumped in to tie my daughter’s shoe laces because she was taking too long. She could do it for herself, but I took over the job because I am faster.
Ms. Des Roches discussed how parents should be encouraging their kids to help at every opportunity, even if it slows everyone down. Not to blow the shoe laces out of proportion, but by taking over a task my daughter is mastering, I was sending her a message that she wasn’t good enough (although at the time I was truly just in a rush and running short on patience).
Parents should teach their kids to make friends with mistakes. We are not perfect; nor are they. It is only natural to want to shield our children from unhappiness, but kids need to be allowed to experience struggle and negative emotions. Learning how to deal with these difficult emotions and scenarios allows them to become stronger.
• Use consequences (instead of punishment) and problem solving
As the old saying goes, experience is the best teacher. Let your kids make mistakes and allow “natural” consequences to teach. Consequences should be related, reasonable, respectful and helpful.
I’ll be the first to admit that I find it much easier to yell off a list of random punishments in the heat of the moment, but in the long term it is best to allow the kids to learn from their experiences in a more logical and less emotional way. For example, if your kids are playing around at bath/bed time and not cooperating, a natural consequence is that there is not enough time for stories before bed. They made their choice and have to live with the consequences of their actions.
• Allow time for training
Sometimes I forget that my kids weren’t born knowing how to do everything. I’ll be the first to admit that I can have a pretty unreasonable level of expectation when it comes to the skills and abilities I think they should already posses.
In reality, kids need to be trained how to complete a task. As Ms. Des Roches explained, it is up to us as their parents to choose the right time for this training, use routines and to break tasks down into smaller parts. I was surprised to learn that it takes a child two years to master a skill. Considering my son just turned three, perhaps I should be lightening up a bit.
• Beware of power struggles (don’t come on too strong)
It is helpful to change up jobs once a week and to offer choices in how and when to tackle a chore. It is not whether our kids will do the job, but how they will do it. This allows them to feel like they have a choice and helps us all avoid power struggles.
Instead of using non-specific praise (like good job!), we should try to express detailed appreciation for help provided (thank you for loading the dish washer!). If our kids know exactly what they did well, they will be more encouraged to do it again.
Leaving the lecture I felt slightly less overwhelmed by the heavy responsibilities of parenting. While I would not say any of this is easy, it certainly is helpful to have a few guidelines to follow when dealing with the daily challenge of raising responsible kids.
Next time we’ll have our children pick up those Cheerios and scrub the dining room walls.
To find out more about the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) or to register for classes, please visit www.PEPparenting.org or call 301.929.8824.
Friday, April 13, 2012
I'm Going Back to Cali...
I recently received an email confirmation for my upcoming stay in Beverly Hills. It had all my information and it appeared as though I was going to have a lovely 4 day visit. But wait a minute, I haven't been to California since I was pregnant with the babe. I called my husband and asked if he had made plans for a romantic get away to the City of Angels. I think you can guess the answer to that question.
The crazy thing is, the reservation was at a hotel I had stayed at numerous times back in the days when I used to wear suits and travel on business. I had a rush of memories and was struck with a pang to board a plane and head out West...alone. I can't explain how much I miss being able to do that.
After a few phone calls, I learnt that the reservation had been made by a travel agency in Australia and they had incorrectly typed in a rewards number linked to my name. I sadly cancelled the reservation. No Beverly Hills for me.
As I was bringing the little guy up for a nap yesterday (which he ultimately chose not to take), I told him I would read him a story because I hadn't had a chance the previous night as I was at my leadership training class. I told him I had given a presentation and got to be a teacher (which was true, I had to give a presentation with a partner on co-parenting). He looked at me all confused and said "No. But you're a Mama." I looked at him and smiled and told him I indeed got to be a teacher and that I actually do things like write. He didn't believe me. I realized it was a losing battle and I didn't need to try and prove myself to my 3 year old.
Sometimes when I am feeling run down and beat up and like my kids take me for granted, I want to put on a suit, leave the house, go to a meeting or something, and see how they deal with that. I want my kids to see that I am capable of being more than just their Mama. I want them to see a Mama who made the choice to stay home but who also tries to maintain some sort of existence outside of serving their every need.
I think this will be easier in the Fall when both kids are at school 5 days of the week (yay!). I am pretty excited about having the opportunity to try and kick off some sort of freelance career. I love getting to hang out with the little guy so much, but we are both ready to change it up. He is ready to be with people his own age 5 days a week, and I am ready to ease out of the role of full-time child care provider.
We are now on the official countdown to September. I am not going to be boarding a plane to LA anytime soon, but if I can start pursuing more projects outside of the responsibilities of my family and home, it will be good for everyone. Eventually I will be getting on those planes again, but it certainly will not be simple like it used to be. It may, however, be more appreciated, by both myself and my kids. Because there's nothing like leaving, but there's nothing like coming home.
The crazy thing is, the reservation was at a hotel I had stayed at numerous times back in the days when I used to wear suits and travel on business. I had a rush of memories and was struck with a pang to board a plane and head out West...alone. I can't explain how much I miss being able to do that.
After a few phone calls, I learnt that the reservation had been made by a travel agency in Australia and they had incorrectly typed in a rewards number linked to my name. I sadly cancelled the reservation. No Beverly Hills for me.
As I was bringing the little guy up for a nap yesterday (which he ultimately chose not to take), I told him I would read him a story because I hadn't had a chance the previous night as I was at my leadership training class. I told him I had given a presentation and got to be a teacher (which was true, I had to give a presentation with a partner on co-parenting). He looked at me all confused and said "No. But you're a Mama." I looked at him and smiled and told him I indeed got to be a teacher and that I actually do things like write. He didn't believe me. I realized it was a losing battle and I didn't need to try and prove myself to my 3 year old.
Sometimes when I am feeling run down and beat up and like my kids take me for granted, I want to put on a suit, leave the house, go to a meeting or something, and see how they deal with that. I want my kids to see that I am capable of being more than just their Mama. I want them to see a Mama who made the choice to stay home but who also tries to maintain some sort of existence outside of serving their every need.
I think this will be easier in the Fall when both kids are at school 5 days of the week (yay!). I am pretty excited about having the opportunity to try and kick off some sort of freelance career. I love getting to hang out with the little guy so much, but we are both ready to change it up. He is ready to be with people his own age 5 days a week, and I am ready to ease out of the role of full-time child care provider.
We are now on the official countdown to September. I am not going to be boarding a plane to LA anytime soon, but if I can start pursuing more projects outside of the responsibilities of my family and home, it will be good for everyone. Eventually I will be getting on those planes again, but it certainly will not be simple like it used to be. It may, however, be more appreciated, by both myself and my kids. Because there's nothing like leaving, but there's nothing like coming home.
How Was Your Spring Break?
The past week I have fielded many questions about spring break. The most popular question being, "how was your spring break?" I have been smiling and responding, "long." Depending on who I'm speaking to, they seem to either get it, or they don't.
Lot of families take advantage of the 12 day chunk and travel. We are not one of those families. We were here, out of our routine, for 12 long days. And that is why I have been responding the way I have. Because 12 days with 2 little kids out of their routine is a long time, no matter how you slice it. If that kind of thing doesn't phase you, than you are a better parent that I.
That said, we were lucky enough to get a spot for the babe at a very cool art camp at The Children's Art Studio that ran Monday through Friday. She loved it and I loved that she had something to focus her endless energy on for a nice 5 day spread.
By this past Monday, I was, however, wondering why Easter Monday really needs to be a holiday. It seems almost like cruel punishment to drag a break out like that. So by Tuesday, we were all rearing to go and jumped back into our routines with gusto.
The babe was psyched to see her peeps at school (yay!). The little guy was psyched to play with his nursery school buddies (yay!), and I served what will probably be my last co-op stint at his school (which made it easier to face since I wasn't exactly in the mood to play with 12 kids after having spent 12 days with my own 2 kids).
I don't think I will ever be the kind of Mom who enjoys things like spring and summer break, and I am OK with that. One thing's for sure, it certainly makes you appreciate the value of your regular routine.
And now that I have survived spring break, I can start stressing out about the summer. Because summer, my friends, is just around the corner.
Lot of families take advantage of the 12 day chunk and travel. We are not one of those families. We were here, out of our routine, for 12 long days. And that is why I have been responding the way I have. Because 12 days with 2 little kids out of their routine is a long time, no matter how you slice it. If that kind of thing doesn't phase you, than you are a better parent that I.
That said, we were lucky enough to get a spot for the babe at a very cool art camp at The Children's Art Studio that ran Monday through Friday. She loved it and I loved that she had something to focus her endless energy on for a nice 5 day spread.
By this past Monday, I was, however, wondering why Easter Monday really needs to be a holiday. It seems almost like cruel punishment to drag a break out like that. So by Tuesday, we were all rearing to go and jumped back into our routines with gusto.
The babe was psyched to see her peeps at school (yay!). The little guy was psyched to play with his nursery school buddies (yay!), and I served what will probably be my last co-op stint at his school (which made it easier to face since I wasn't exactly in the mood to play with 12 kids after having spent 12 days with my own 2 kids).
I don't think I will ever be the kind of Mom who enjoys things like spring and summer break, and I am OK with that. One thing's for sure, it certainly makes you appreciate the value of your regular routine.
And now that I have survived spring break, I can start stressing out about the summer. Because summer, my friends, is just around the corner.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Pass the Almonds, Please
About a month ago, I took the babe in for a food challenge. Our allergist, Dr. E, believed the babe was ready to try her first ever nut. The almond. The beautiful, tasty, and seriously missed (by me) almond.
For 5 years I have not had almonds in the house. And for 5 years I have missed those tasty little buggers.
When the day came, the babe and I packed off to the allergist office for our 7:00 a.m. start time. We had our books, games, crayons, DVDs, and of course, a container of pure almond butter made in a dedicated almond only (i.e. peanut and other tree nut free) factory (not so easy to find, and in case you're wondering, it's called Barney Butter).
To say I was nervous would be an understatement. To say the babe was nervous would be a serious understatement. But we were there on a mission, and we were both in it to succeed (thankfully, the babe had passed her previous 3 food challenges). On a side note, my feisty girl can really amaze me; at times I truly wonder how a 5 year old can be so strong. Dealing with life threatening food allergies at such a young age has shaped her and caused her to deal with issues other kids her age couldn't imagine. You've gotta respect the hell out of that, at least I do.
And guess what? After six hours of gradually increasing amounts of almond butter and more vital checks than I could keep track of, it was determined that the babe can now eat almonds. She has outgrown her allergy. And I can not explain how thrilled I am.
We are making so much progress, and by knocking off almonds, we can now look at knocking off a few other nut candidates over the next year. While it is unlikely we will ever be able to say good bye to the dreaded peanut allergy, there is a good chance that the babe, over time, will continue to outgrow her tree nut allergies. And that is progress my friends; THAT is progress.
So here's to almond butter and jam sandwiches. Because frankly, soy nut butter just wasn't cutting it for her anymore.
For 5 years I have not had almonds in the house. And for 5 years I have missed those tasty little buggers.
When the day came, the babe and I packed off to the allergist office for our 7:00 a.m. start time. We had our books, games, crayons, DVDs, and of course, a container of pure almond butter made in a dedicated almond only (i.e. peanut and other tree nut free) factory (not so easy to find, and in case you're wondering, it's called Barney Butter).
To say I was nervous would be an understatement. To say the babe was nervous would be a serious understatement. But we were there on a mission, and we were both in it to succeed (thankfully, the babe had passed her previous 3 food challenges). On a side note, my feisty girl can really amaze me; at times I truly wonder how a 5 year old can be so strong. Dealing with life threatening food allergies at such a young age has shaped her and caused her to deal with issues other kids her age couldn't imagine. You've gotta respect the hell out of that, at least I do.
And guess what? After six hours of gradually increasing amounts of almond butter and more vital checks than I could keep track of, it was determined that the babe can now eat almonds. She has outgrown her allergy. And I can not explain how thrilled I am.
We are making so much progress, and by knocking off almonds, we can now look at knocking off a few other nut candidates over the next year. While it is unlikely we will ever be able to say good bye to the dreaded peanut allergy, there is a good chance that the babe, over time, will continue to outgrow her tree nut allergies. And that is progress my friends; THAT is progress.
So here's to almond butter and jam sandwiches. Because frankly, soy nut butter just wasn't cutting it for her anymore.
The Ice Cream Truck
Dear Ice Cream Truck that shows up at the park at 4:00 p.m. AND 5:00 p.m.:
What is wrong with you?
Why do you come to a park filled with children right before dinner time?
Don't you know that your products are filled with crap which will mess with our kids bodies?
Don't you know our kids are going to be fed their dinners within a few hours, if not before?
Don't you know that you create a "have" and "have not" situation every time you show up at the park?
Don't you know you cause moral dilemmas for parents who struggle to do the right thing for their kids?
Don't you know that parents don't want to deal with kids on a sugar high at the end of a long day?
Don't you know that there are always kids on the playground (like my kids) crying because they can't have the crap you're selling and other kids can?
Don't you know that all the food dyes in that crap you're selling can make kids even crazier?
If you are going to come by with your little sing song van, at least have the decency to come after the lunch hour. Because even a mean mommy like me would consider OCCASIONALLY buying your crap for my kids every once in a while.
I used to call you the music truck when you drove around my old neighborhood, now I have another name for you and I can't write it here.
I am glad there are parks you don't frequent, because those are the ones we'll be at if you keep showing up at TP every day.
What is wrong with you?
Why do you come to a park filled with children right before dinner time?
Don't you know that your products are filled with crap which will mess with our kids bodies?
Don't you know our kids are going to be fed their dinners within a few hours, if not before?
Don't you know that you create a "have" and "have not" situation every time you show up at the park?
Don't you know you cause moral dilemmas for parents who struggle to do the right thing for their kids?
Don't you know that parents don't want to deal with kids on a sugar high at the end of a long day?
Don't you know that there are always kids on the playground (like my kids) crying because they can't have the crap you're selling and other kids can?
Don't you know that all the food dyes in that crap you're selling can make kids even crazier?
If you are going to come by with your little sing song van, at least have the decency to come after the lunch hour. Because even a mean mommy like me would consider OCCASIONALLY buying your crap for my kids every once in a while.
I used to call you the music truck when you drove around my old neighborhood, now I have another name for you and I can't write it here.
I am glad there are parks you don't frequent, because those are the ones we'll be at if you keep showing up at TP every day.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Let the Countdown Begin
Today marks day one of twelve. It is the twisted marathon that I like to call spring break.
We kicked it off in style yesterday with soy ice cream and water color painting after school.
This morning we cuddled in bed a little longer than usual and then headed out for some sandal and short shopping.
By 12:30 p.m. my children were hysterical and showing off their screaming voices and their ability to physically intimidate one another (my favorite being I'm going to smash you and dash you which comes with a karate kick for extra effect). I kept my cool until I didn't. The kids threats of physical violence were becoming more than just threats. That's when I showed off my screaming voice. And that's when they managed to talk it out over bagels (so mature, my kids).
The little people didn't sleep well last night. Spring fever or hay fever...not sure which. After a prolonged lunch (the babe now eats as much as a grown man), I got them upstairs in pajamas. There was no way I was going to deal with their nuttiness all day without an attempt at napping. An hour later, after three separate trips up the stairs, I made it downstairs to safety.
And once that kitchen was all cleaned up, I went a bit nutty myself and made a "mocha" with my fancy dancy coffee maker and sat on down at my ancient desk top so I could type out a quick hello. Now I am ready for a screw driver.
As always, I miss you. I miss my writing. But I am, as always, just trying to keep my head above water. Hope that if you, like me, are not a fan of spring break, that you make it through the next chunk of time in one piece. Spring break sure ain't what is used to be.
We kicked it off in style yesterday with soy ice cream and water color painting after school.
This morning we cuddled in bed a little longer than usual and then headed out for some sandal and short shopping.
By 12:30 p.m. my children were hysterical and showing off their screaming voices and their ability to physically intimidate one another (my favorite being I'm going to smash you and dash you which comes with a karate kick for extra effect). I kept my cool until I didn't. The kids threats of physical violence were becoming more than just threats. That's when I showed off my screaming voice. And that's when they managed to talk it out over bagels (so mature, my kids).
The little people didn't sleep well last night. Spring fever or hay fever...not sure which. After a prolonged lunch (the babe now eats as much as a grown man), I got them upstairs in pajamas. There was no way I was going to deal with their nuttiness all day without an attempt at napping. An hour later, after three separate trips up the stairs, I made it downstairs to safety.
And once that kitchen was all cleaned up, I went a bit nutty myself and made a "mocha" with my fancy dancy coffee maker and sat on down at my ancient desk top so I could type out a quick hello. Now I am ready for a screw driver.
As always, I miss you. I miss my writing. But I am, as always, just trying to keep my head above water. Hope that if you, like me, are not a fan of spring break, that you make it through the next chunk of time in one piece. Spring break sure ain't what is used to be.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Bedtime Songs from the Serengeti
This post is a pretty selfish one. I want to remember this ridiculous song I recently invented and sing to the kids every night (for some crazy reason, they both love it). We had been doing Silent Night and Twinkle Twinkle for the past 9 or so months, but we have moved on to these two masterpieces (please contact me if you are interested in purchasing the rights to either version of this soon to be bedtime classic).
The babe's favorite:
The Elephant Song by Christine
"There once was an elephant name Elly, and she was very big.
There once was an elephant named Elly, and she was very big.
Her Mama's name was Fanny, and she loved her very much.
There once was a giraffe name Rafi, and he was very tall.
There once was a giraffe named Rafi, and he was very tall.
His Mama's name was Gerri, and she loved him very much.
And they all lived together, on the Serengeti, in Africa."
The little guy's favorite:
The Giraffe Song by Christine
"There once was a giraffe name Rafi, and he was very tall.
There once was a giraffe named Rafi, and he was very tall.
His Mama's name was Gerri, and she loved him very much.
There once was an elephant name Elly, and she was very big.
There once was an elephant named Elly, and she was very big.
Her Mama's name was Fanny, and she loved her very much.
And they all lived together, on the Serengeti, in Africa."
The babe's favorite:
The Elephant Song by Christine
"There once was an elephant name Elly, and she was very big.
There once was an elephant named Elly, and she was very big.
Her Mama's name was Fanny, and she loved her very much.
There once was a giraffe name Rafi, and he was very tall.
There once was a giraffe named Rafi, and he was very tall.
His Mama's name was Gerri, and she loved him very much.
And they all lived together, on the Serengeti, in Africa."
The little guy's favorite:
The Giraffe Song by Christine
"There once was a giraffe name Rafi, and he was very tall.
There once was a giraffe named Rafi, and he was very tall.
His Mama's name was Gerri, and she loved him very much.
There once was an elephant name Elly, and she was very big.
There once was an elephant named Elly, and she was very big.
Her Mama's name was Fanny, and she loved her very much.
And they all lived together, on the Serengeti, in Africa."
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Our Fear of Failure
The babe has recently started Bollywood/Indian folk dance classes. The first class was a mega hit. We wrote a check and committed to driving her to class every Sunday morning until the end of May. Then a funny thing happened. The babe didn't want to go.
After much drama and discussion, we got her out the door and into the car. And you know what the problem was? She was afraid of not being good at it. She was so afraid, she only participated in half the class. You see, the babe is so competitive, she's scared she won't be able to perform the moves and won't be able to keep up with other kids. It is unfortunate that we signed her up after the session had already started (which put her at a disadvantage), but I really thought she'd jump right into things with gusto. I forgot how quickly perspective can change in the world of a five-year-old.
The experience serves as a reminder that my husband and I have to help her through her issues with competition, her fear of failure and her apparent desire for perfection. While there are benefits to being competitive and aiming for perfection, we are concerned that she will stop trying new things if she can't master them immediately. My husband and I both had childhoods where we were afraid to fail and actually avoided tackling new interests if we thought there was a chance we wouldn't succeed. That said, I suppose she comes by these issues quite naturally.
I am glad we've identified this streak in the babe but it is hard to see these issues arise at such a tender age. I want her to believe that she can try anything she puts her mind to and to confront these feelings and not allow them to control her. We have had numerous discussions over the past few days about the importance of practice and have shared stories of our own struggles. Hopefully things will go a bit more smoothly next week, but regardless, I am oddly grateful we are being confronted with this before she starts elementary school in the fall.
After much drama and discussion, we got her out the door and into the car. And you know what the problem was? She was afraid of not being good at it. She was so afraid, she only participated in half the class. You see, the babe is so competitive, she's scared she won't be able to perform the moves and won't be able to keep up with other kids. It is unfortunate that we signed her up after the session had already started (which put her at a disadvantage), but I really thought she'd jump right into things with gusto. I forgot how quickly perspective can change in the world of a five-year-old.
The experience serves as a reminder that my husband and I have to help her through her issues with competition, her fear of failure and her apparent desire for perfection. While there are benefits to being competitive and aiming for perfection, we are concerned that she will stop trying new things if she can't master them immediately. My husband and I both had childhoods where we were afraid to fail and actually avoided tackling new interests if we thought there was a chance we wouldn't succeed. That said, I suppose she comes by these issues quite naturally.
I am glad we've identified this streak in the babe but it is hard to see these issues arise at such a tender age. I want her to believe that she can try anything she puts her mind to and to confront these feelings and not allow them to control her. We have had numerous discussions over the past few days about the importance of practice and have shared stories of our own struggles. Hopefully things will go a bit more smoothly next week, but regardless, I am oddly grateful we are being confronted with this before she starts elementary school in the fall.
High Expectations
Wow. Where did that month go?
Well people, it's good to see you. I think of you often and can't wait for life to calm down so I can sit at my computer and type out my joys and sorrows.
I've recently realized that when you volunteer time, you have less of it. You may recall I have been serving as the editor of the little guy's preschool's newsletter and that I am also writing for our local community newsletter. These things take time, and when I agreed to take them on, I didn't really think about how it would effect my blogging. Apparently it has effected my blogging quite seriously.
So here I am. I have so many subjects I want to write about, I don't really know where to start. Instead of backtracking, I will start with today.
My dear Mother left for the airport this morning at 7am. She had come for a short visit and it went by so very fast...as her visits always do. While shuttling my kids to and fro this morning, I was struck by how badly I felt. You see, my kids were not well behaved during her visit and I was constantly feeling upset, stressed, embarrassed and frustrated. I felt like I had no control of my offspring and that I looked like a frantic, crazy Mama who was hanging on by a thread. And while some of that is certainly true, I know in my heart that the past few days were extreme because the kids had an audience (other than their parents). There were times when I was at a loss and just wanted to yell and scream, give up, turn on some "educational" TV and go hide in a hole. My Mom reassures me they were very well behaved whenever my husband and I were out of the house (like on our date night or our furniture shopping escapade). And while that makes me feel a bit better, why couldn't they have been like that when I was around?
During her visit, I asked my Mom a lot of questions about how she juggled all the craziness of having three small kids back in the day. She admits she doesn't remember all that much, but she did point out that she always worked part-time and that gave her a chance to get away from the house, socialize and work with adults (not spouses or relatives), and gain perspective on her family life. She encouraged me to get out of the house more and do things for myself. She also told me (in a nice way) that my life revolves around my kids.
When I sit down and look at my family's life, I will be the first to acknowledge that I am the one who is home and running the show the majority of the time. And without family back-up, there isn't much relief. Frankly, my life does revolve around my kids and I am not sure how I would be able to change that right now.
The two mornings I get alone when both of the little monsters are at school (3.5 hours a week (after drive time)!), I am pretty overrun with a hefty to do list. Frankly, there are just too many errands I am not willing to do with the little guy anymore because he has become such a fan of public meltdowns. And that means there are a lot of things to accomplish when he is not around!
But I am trying. I have actually been to a gym six times since late January (thanks to a Groupon deal). I get out to dinner or brunch with friends every few weeks. I took an anger management class for parents (which made a ton of sense in theory but is proving rather difficult to implement in reality). And I just started a leadership training course at PEP (the Parent Encouragement Program) which offers the parenting classes I've been taking over the past year. Now seriously, what else can a girl fit in??
Anyway, I'm babbling a bit here but I just had to share my frustration over the constant stress of being a stay-at-home parent of a challenging five year old and a defiant, moody and physically abusive three old. I used to complain that babies were tough (which of course they are--especially the grueling sleep deprivation and loss of self), but man oh man, it's nothing compared to the physical, emotional and mental demands I now face daily. And when everything gets even more ramped up during a five day visit from Nana, it certainly forces me to ask: "why is this (parenthood) so freakin hard and how do I make this (parenthood) better?"
My solution for today was to rush to the gym, run on a treadmill for 25 minutes, sit in a hot sauna for 10 minutes, and buy an overpriced fancy latte before grabbing a few groceries and rushing to pick up the little guy at preschool. Endorphins combined with caffeine can be a pretty awesome thing. It certainly help put things in perspective this morning.
My Mom mentioned that perhaps Mothers today are too hard on themselves. Our expectations and standards are too high and we set ourselves up for failure because there is no way we can achieve our lofty goals. There could be some truth to this. But is it too much to ask to just have kids who listen and don't give you attitude or physically attack you when they don't get their way? Is that really asking too much? And if I am embarassed by my kids crazy behavior because I take it as a reflection on my parenting abilities, does that mean I am being too hard on myself? The truth is, I just don't know.
Well people, it's good to see you. I think of you often and can't wait for life to calm down so I can sit at my computer and type out my joys and sorrows.
I've recently realized that when you volunteer time, you have less of it. You may recall I have been serving as the editor of the little guy's preschool's newsletter and that I am also writing for our local community newsletter. These things take time, and when I agreed to take them on, I didn't really think about how it would effect my blogging. Apparently it has effected my blogging quite seriously.
So here I am. I have so many subjects I want to write about, I don't really know where to start. Instead of backtracking, I will start with today.
My dear Mother left for the airport this morning at 7am. She had come for a short visit and it went by so very fast...as her visits always do. While shuttling my kids to and fro this morning, I was struck by how badly I felt. You see, my kids were not well behaved during her visit and I was constantly feeling upset, stressed, embarrassed and frustrated. I felt like I had no control of my offspring and that I looked like a frantic, crazy Mama who was hanging on by a thread. And while some of that is certainly true, I know in my heart that the past few days were extreme because the kids had an audience (other than their parents). There were times when I was at a loss and just wanted to yell and scream, give up, turn on some "educational" TV and go hide in a hole. My Mom reassures me they were very well behaved whenever my husband and I were out of the house (like on our date night or our furniture shopping escapade). And while that makes me feel a bit better, why couldn't they have been like that when I was around?
During her visit, I asked my Mom a lot of questions about how she juggled all the craziness of having three small kids back in the day. She admits she doesn't remember all that much, but she did point out that she always worked part-time and that gave her a chance to get away from the house, socialize and work with adults (not spouses or relatives), and gain perspective on her family life. She encouraged me to get out of the house more and do things for myself. She also told me (in a nice way) that my life revolves around my kids.
When I sit down and look at my family's life, I will be the first to acknowledge that I am the one who is home and running the show the majority of the time. And without family back-up, there isn't much relief. Frankly, my life does revolve around my kids and I am not sure how I would be able to change that right now.
The two mornings I get alone when both of the little monsters are at school (3.5 hours a week (after drive time)!), I am pretty overrun with a hefty to do list. Frankly, there are just too many errands I am not willing to do with the little guy anymore because he has become such a fan of public meltdowns. And that means there are a lot of things to accomplish when he is not around!
But I am trying. I have actually been to a gym six times since late January (thanks to a Groupon deal). I get out to dinner or brunch with friends every few weeks. I took an anger management class for parents (which made a ton of sense in theory but is proving rather difficult to implement in reality). And I just started a leadership training course at PEP (the Parent Encouragement Program) which offers the parenting classes I've been taking over the past year. Now seriously, what else can a girl fit in??
Anyway, I'm babbling a bit here but I just had to share my frustration over the constant stress of being a stay-at-home parent of a challenging five year old and a defiant, moody and physically abusive three old. I used to complain that babies were tough (which of course they are--especially the grueling sleep deprivation and loss of self), but man oh man, it's nothing compared to the physical, emotional and mental demands I now face daily. And when everything gets even more ramped up during a five day visit from Nana, it certainly forces me to ask: "why is this (parenthood) so freakin hard and how do I make this (parenthood) better?"
My solution for today was to rush to the gym, run on a treadmill for 25 minutes, sit in a hot sauna for 10 minutes, and buy an overpriced fancy latte before grabbing a few groceries and rushing to pick up the little guy at preschool. Endorphins combined with caffeine can be a pretty awesome thing. It certainly help put things in perspective this morning.
My Mom mentioned that perhaps Mothers today are too hard on themselves. Our expectations and standards are too high and we set ourselves up for failure because there is no way we can achieve our lofty goals. There could be some truth to this. But is it too much to ask to just have kids who listen and don't give you attitude or physically attack you when they don't get their way? Is that really asking too much? And if I am embarassed by my kids crazy behavior because I take it as a reflection on my parenting abilities, does that mean I am being too hard on myself? The truth is, I just don't know.
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