I'll admit it. I was being a slacker. I knew I wanted a veggie garden at our new house, I just didn't feel like digging one out and going through all the steps to make it happen. I kept putting it off and putting it off thinking that if I waited long enough, it may just magically happen.
Last Friday my husband passed a comment that it looked as though we weren't going to have a garden this year. My heart sunk. I didn't say anything, but I decided then and there I was going to make it happen.
After dropping the babe off at school, the little guy and I went to the garden center and stocked up on compost/soil stuff, some flowers for the empty pots on the deck, and some tomato, cucumber and potato plants. I felt like I was on a roll.
I got home and managed to get all the flowers planted in the pots, and dug out a patch of grass/soil to create a garden. When my husband got home that night, I was openly bragging about all the hard work I had done. The hard work actually turned out to be yesterday.
Despite the insane heat, the four of us spent a good chunk of the morning and the late afternoon working in our yard. We finished digging out the garden, added all the compost stuff, and planted all our veggies. We got rid of a bunch of ugly bushes beneath our dining room windows and in the process realized it would be the perfect place to throw in some more veggies, so why not have 2 gardens? Only time will tell if this approach was a tad overambitious.
The kids were helpful with the planting and watering steps, but not so helpful with the digging. No surprises there. They spent a majority of the time spraying each other silly with the garden hose (I realized we don't own a sprinkler!).
It felt good to work as a family and get so much done, together. I am excited we now have a garden to love, and that the kids will be eating more veggies this summer, because they helped make them. I'm also glad I got off my butt because having a family project will be good for all of us this summer.
Next step is to buy some more veggie plants for the second garden. Perhaps eggplant and peppers? I'll post some photos soon!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A Helping Hand
I am all about getting my kids to help clean the house. They love being involved and I love the idea that they are learning skills that will help our home operate smoothly over the years to come.
Last week my son decided to take on a cleaning mission, solo. It was technically nap time, so his mission was supposed to be sleeping in his big boy bed. Sadly he wasn't so interested in the whole nap time scene. He was apparently more into the cleaning the bathroom scene.
I heard his little feet pitter patter over my head and realized he was in the wrong section of the house. Whenever I hear the kids in our room I tend to intervene quickly. I ran up the steps to find the little guy standing in the hallway saying, "water, water."
He led me down the hall to our bathroom where I found that he had been cleaning the walls and floors with the toilet brush, using the toilet bowl water as his "cleaning" fluid. I was pretty zonked out that day and had been hoping to get a few basic things done during "nap time." Cleaning toilet water off the walls and floors of the master bathroom had not been on my agenda.
While trying to hold it together, I walked him to the sink, washed his hands, and then walked him to his room, where I changed his clothes. I deposited him in bed, again, and called my husband to whine. After I pulled it together and got over my pity party, I cleaned up the toilet water and disinfected everything.
I probably should have gotten him involved in the clean up but was not in a head space where I could turn the situation into a "teachable" moment.
He never did take his nap, but I did learn to close our bathroom door at nap time.
Last week my son decided to take on a cleaning mission, solo. It was technically nap time, so his mission was supposed to be sleeping in his big boy bed. Sadly he wasn't so interested in the whole nap time scene. He was apparently more into the cleaning the bathroom scene.
I heard his little feet pitter patter over my head and realized he was in the wrong section of the house. Whenever I hear the kids in our room I tend to intervene quickly. I ran up the steps to find the little guy standing in the hallway saying, "water, water."
He led me down the hall to our bathroom where I found that he had been cleaning the walls and floors with the toilet brush, using the toilet bowl water as his "cleaning" fluid. I was pretty zonked out that day and had been hoping to get a few basic things done during "nap time." Cleaning toilet water off the walls and floors of the master bathroom had not been on my agenda.
While trying to hold it together, I walked him to the sink, washed his hands, and then walked him to his room, where I changed his clothes. I deposited him in bed, again, and called my husband to whine. After I pulled it together and got over my pity party, I cleaned up the toilet water and disinfected everything.
I probably should have gotten him involved in the clean up but was not in a head space where I could turn the situation into a "teachable" moment.
He never did take his nap, but I did learn to close our bathroom door at nap time.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
What the Heck?
It seems as though the little guy is a bit of a scaredy cat (don't tell him I said that). He is not a very deep sleeper and is still waking at night quite frequently. I think we are dealing with the aftermath of moving him from the crib into a big boy bed. Last night took the cake, though. We were up and down from about 2 to 4 am which was not very cool. Needless to say I am a complete space cadet today.
I wish the little guy could understand that there's no such thing as monsters, but I suppose it's one of those things in life you just have to learn for yourself. I talk to him, sing him songs, make sure his diaper is acceptable and tuck him in. Sadly, this scenario played out about 5 times last night. Both my husband and I were having flashbacks of the desperate feelings you can experience parenting a newborn through the long nights.
I know I could be tougher on him, but the kid is scared and I don't want him to feel abandoned when he really needs me. When he wakes up screaming, I want to comfort him. When he shows up beside my bed saying "Mama, I'm scared," I want to take his hand and help him confront his fears. But I also really, really want to sleep uninterrupted. I am hoping this is a phase that will quickly pass as he gets more comfortable in his big boy bed. How long can you believe in monsters, anyway?
In other news, the babe came up with some more "wise" words last night. I had them both in the bath for a hair washing fiesta and was hoping we could maintain a "fun" atmosphere. Things quickly deteriorated when the babe started screaming at me that I wasn't washing her hair "right." At one point she whipped out a "What the heck?" My husband and I stopped and looked at each other with slightly shocked and bemused faces and just rolled with it. Neither of us knew what to do and we were both too tired to think something up on the spot. Hopefully by not paying attention to it, we taught her she won't get more attention by using colorful language. Although I do think it may be helpful for my husband and I to prepare an action plan we can have ready to go the next time we hear something crazy come out of the babe's little mouth.
I wish the little guy could understand that there's no such thing as monsters, but I suppose it's one of those things in life you just have to learn for yourself. I talk to him, sing him songs, make sure his diaper is acceptable and tuck him in. Sadly, this scenario played out about 5 times last night. Both my husband and I were having flashbacks of the desperate feelings you can experience parenting a newborn through the long nights.
I know I could be tougher on him, but the kid is scared and I don't want him to feel abandoned when he really needs me. When he wakes up screaming, I want to comfort him. When he shows up beside my bed saying "Mama, I'm scared," I want to take his hand and help him confront his fears. But I also really, really want to sleep uninterrupted. I am hoping this is a phase that will quickly pass as he gets more comfortable in his big boy bed. How long can you believe in monsters, anyway?
In other news, the babe came up with some more "wise" words last night. I had them both in the bath for a hair washing fiesta and was hoping we could maintain a "fun" atmosphere. Things quickly deteriorated when the babe started screaming at me that I wasn't washing her hair "right." At one point she whipped out a "What the heck?" My husband and I stopped and looked at each other with slightly shocked and bemused faces and just rolled with it. Neither of us knew what to do and we were both too tired to think something up on the spot. Hopefully by not paying attention to it, we taught her she won't get more attention by using colorful language. Although I do think it may be helpful for my husband and I to prepare an action plan we can have ready to go the next time we hear something crazy come out of the babe's little mouth.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
More Words of Wisdom
We had a great weekend. We really, really did (don't look so surprised!). It was so nice to just enjoy being a family and have things go well. I'm not sure exactly how we accomplished the smooth sailing we all experienced, but I'd like to copy it, if I can figure out what the secret to our success actually was (having a full agenda, perhaps?).
On Sunday night we piled into the car and drove out to the Outback Steakhouse for a rare family restaurant meal. You may recall that this is about the only restaurant we go to with the kids because they handle the babe's food allergies so well. It's loud, family oriented and fast which makes it a perfect fit for us. Sunday was another reassuring reminder that we can actually dine in public like other "normal" families.
While all the little guy consumed was fries and orange juice, the babe was awesome and pretty much ate everything on her plate. She tried every vegetable and decided she wasn't going to eat the squash, which we said was fine. My husband and I complemented her on what a great job she did eating and she apologized that she didn't want to eat the squash. We told her that it's fine to not eat something if you've tried it.
Then she made her super wise comment: "You can't taste with your eyes!"
How true is that? The girl knows you cannot judge food without putting it in your mouth first! I feel like we took a huge step forward with that one comment and I left the restaurant feeling positive and empowered (and really, really full). Kids really can have the most insightful thoughts.
On Sunday night we piled into the car and drove out to the Outback Steakhouse for a rare family restaurant meal. You may recall that this is about the only restaurant we go to with the kids because they handle the babe's food allergies so well. It's loud, family oriented and fast which makes it a perfect fit for us. Sunday was another reassuring reminder that we can actually dine in public like other "normal" families.
While all the little guy consumed was fries and orange juice, the babe was awesome and pretty much ate everything on her plate. She tried every vegetable and decided she wasn't going to eat the squash, which we said was fine. My husband and I complemented her on what a great job she did eating and she apologized that she didn't want to eat the squash. We told her that it's fine to not eat something if you've tried it.
Then she made her super wise comment: "You can't taste with your eyes!"
How true is that? The girl knows you cannot judge food without putting it in your mouth first! I feel like we took a huge step forward with that one comment and I left the restaurant feeling positive and empowered (and really, really full). Kids really can have the most insightful thoughts.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Screen Time
As a dedicated parent, I understand that I need to limit and control screen time. Luckily my kids are at an age where "screen time" means TV, not all the other gadgets available these days (I sound old right now, don't I?). Honestly, as a Stay-at-Home-Mama, I do not know where I would be without our precious screen time.
I generally like to follow the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics: no more than 2 hours of quality programming per day. I also tend to break those 2 hours up strategically so I can get through the day myself. I do not beat myself up when I turn on the TV. I find it a practical way for my kids to chill out a bit and for me to get some vital work done (like cooking food that we can all eat).
I recently came across What to Watch: The Best Children's Television by Darienne Hosley Stewart at Babycenter.com's site. It is worth taking a look at to see if there's any shows you could rotate into your viewing schedule (if you have one, that is). I like that there's a little summary of the series you can review before giving the show a try.
We recently set our DVR to tape Dinosaur Train (PBS) and WordWorld (PBS). I cannot tell you how much my kids dig these shows. They LOVE them, and because they LOVE them, so do I. I love feeling like they're actually learning stuff while they sit in front of the TV. It makes me feel good about my parenting, because let's admit it, there's a lot these shows can teach that I can't (I am not a dinosaur expert in any way, shape or form). And frankly, there's a lot I can get done while they're watching and learning that I can't get done if the TV is not on.
A word of warning, the theme song for Dinosaur Train is extremely catchy. You may find yourself singing it at odd times of the day when there are no children present.
I generally like to follow the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics: no more than 2 hours of quality programming per day. I also tend to break those 2 hours up strategically so I can get through the day myself. I do not beat myself up when I turn on the TV. I find it a practical way for my kids to chill out a bit and for me to get some vital work done (like cooking food that we can all eat).
I recently came across What to Watch: The Best Children's Television by Darienne Hosley Stewart at Babycenter.com's site. It is worth taking a look at to see if there's any shows you could rotate into your viewing schedule (if you have one, that is). I like that there's a little summary of the series you can review before giving the show a try.
We recently set our DVR to tape Dinosaur Train (PBS) and WordWorld (PBS). I cannot tell you how much my kids dig these shows. They LOVE them, and because they LOVE them, so do I. I love feeling like they're actually learning stuff while they sit in front of the TV. It makes me feel good about my parenting, because let's admit it, there's a lot these shows can teach that I can't (I am not a dinosaur expert in any way, shape or form). And frankly, there's a lot I can get done while they're watching and learning that I can't get done if the TV is not on.
A word of warning, the theme song for Dinosaur Train is extremely catchy. You may find yourself singing it at odd times of the day when there are no children present.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Telling the Truth
I caught my daughter red handed.
She got into the car last Thursday afternoon and proceeded to play with a bunch of small orange beads as we drove home. I asked her where they had come from. I obviously knew they had come from school, since that was where I had just picked her up, but I wanted to see what kind of story she would spin for me. The fact she had them in her shoe was a tip off.
She started off strong and said she had gotten them at school. I then asked her why she had them and what she was supposed to do with them. Was it some kind of "homework"? She dodged the question and mumbled some gobbledygook to me. I asked if she was allowed to bring them home and she mumbled yes. As I wasn't satisfied with her answers, I asked again what she was supposed to be doing with the beads. She finally admitted she wasn't supposed to take them home at all.
AHA! Gotcha! (I did not say this out loud)
When we arrived at our place, we collected all the beads that had spilled everywhere, put them in a zip lock bag and put them in the back of her lunch box. I told her we were going to have to return them to her teacher and explain what had happened. The babe wasn't happy about that. She looked down, ashamed and with a slightly frightened look on her face, said, "do I have to?"
I've decided I am not going to mess around with this taking things that don't belong to you stuff. So I explained that if we take things we're not supposed to, we have to bring them back and apologize.
So Friday morning rolls around and we walked up to the Head teacher. I gave a little briefing on the situation and let the babe take over. She looked quite sheepish and said she was sorry. She proceeded to listen to her teacher remind her of their previous discussions about thinking through our actions and using our brain to make the right decision.
It was monumental. The babe, I think, learnt an important lesson. And rather than letting this just slide, I'm glad I held her accountable. Perhaps this lesson will help guide future behavior, perhaps not. Regardless, I did what I could do and have now made it through another "first."
She got into the car last Thursday afternoon and proceeded to play with a bunch of small orange beads as we drove home. I asked her where they had come from. I obviously knew they had come from school, since that was where I had just picked her up, but I wanted to see what kind of story she would spin for me. The fact she had them in her shoe was a tip off.
She started off strong and said she had gotten them at school. I then asked her why she had them and what she was supposed to do with them. Was it some kind of "homework"? She dodged the question and mumbled some gobbledygook to me. I asked if she was allowed to bring them home and she mumbled yes. As I wasn't satisfied with her answers, I asked again what she was supposed to be doing with the beads. She finally admitted she wasn't supposed to take them home at all.
AHA! Gotcha! (I did not say this out loud)
When we arrived at our place, we collected all the beads that had spilled everywhere, put them in a zip lock bag and put them in the back of her lunch box. I told her we were going to have to return them to her teacher and explain what had happened. The babe wasn't happy about that. She looked down, ashamed and with a slightly frightened look on her face, said, "do I have to?"
I've decided I am not going to mess around with this taking things that don't belong to you stuff. So I explained that if we take things we're not supposed to, we have to bring them back and apologize.
So Friday morning rolls around and we walked up to the Head teacher. I gave a little briefing on the situation and let the babe take over. She looked quite sheepish and said she was sorry. She proceeded to listen to her teacher remind her of their previous discussions about thinking through our actions and using our brain to make the right decision.
It was monumental. The babe, I think, learnt an important lesson. And rather than letting this just slide, I'm glad I held her accountable. Perhaps this lesson will help guide future behavior, perhaps not. Regardless, I did what I could do and have now made it through another "first."
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Of Note This Week
I'll start on the heavier side of things.
I don't want you to think the only thing I read is the Wall Street Journal. My husband has a subscription and I end up reading the Personal Journal section quite frequently. Apparently the Journal is all about mental healthy lately. This past Tuesday, May 17th, they published an article by Melinda Beck, Helping Kids Beat Depression...by Treating Mom.
Again, I think this one is worth having a look at (check out the powerful image of the Mother's tear drop falling on the child who has her own mini tear drop--yikes).
As a Mother, I am always looking at external influences that may negatively impact my child. If one of the kids is acting funky, I start wondering what may be throwing them off base. Did they watch too much TV? Did something happen at school/the park/an activity? Did they eat enough? Have they slept enough? The list goes on. We always assume if things aren't working out in our family, it's because of the kids. Yet parents' state of mind is just as critical.
This article sheds some light on the fact that many Moms are depressed and that depression affects the kids in numerous negative ways (anxiety, easily irritated, disruptive). So while we are obsessing over why our kids may be out of line, we might want to take a look at ourselves and see how we're doing. Because wouldn't it be cool if helping ourselves really did help those around us (who happen to be the ones we love the most in the whole wide world)?
Now for the lighter side.
In the Washington Post Express paper, which I pick up for free in the morning outside the babe's school, there was an article on a new book which is making news. Yet it hasn't even been released yet.
It's called "Go the F*** to Sleep" by Adam Mansbach and illustrated by Ricardo Cortes. It apparently captures the many feelings parents experience while putting a child to sleep who doesn't want to go to sleep. It is, of course, a spoof, but a spoof on a very relevant topic. I didn't actually know you could write a book like this! There are so many annoying little things about parenting that deserve similar treatment. Perhaps this is the new wave of parenting books...a way to help us all laugh about how ridiculous so much of parenting can be. I'm looking forward to checking it out.
I don't want you to think the only thing I read is the Wall Street Journal. My husband has a subscription and I end up reading the Personal Journal section quite frequently. Apparently the Journal is all about mental healthy lately. This past Tuesday, May 17th, they published an article by Melinda Beck, Helping Kids Beat Depression...by Treating Mom.
Again, I think this one is worth having a look at (check out the powerful image of the Mother's tear drop falling on the child who has her own mini tear drop--yikes).
As a Mother, I am always looking at external influences that may negatively impact my child. If one of the kids is acting funky, I start wondering what may be throwing them off base. Did they watch too much TV? Did something happen at school/the park/an activity? Did they eat enough? Have they slept enough? The list goes on. We always assume if things aren't working out in our family, it's because of the kids. Yet parents' state of mind is just as critical.
This article sheds some light on the fact that many Moms are depressed and that depression affects the kids in numerous negative ways (anxiety, easily irritated, disruptive). So while we are obsessing over why our kids may be out of line, we might want to take a look at ourselves and see how we're doing. Because wouldn't it be cool if helping ourselves really did help those around us (who happen to be the ones we love the most in the whole wide world)?
Now for the lighter side.
In the Washington Post Express paper, which I pick up for free in the morning outside the babe's school, there was an article on a new book which is making news. Yet it hasn't even been released yet.
It's called "Go the F*** to Sleep" by Adam Mansbach and illustrated by Ricardo Cortes. It apparently captures the many feelings parents experience while putting a child to sleep who doesn't want to go to sleep. It is, of course, a spoof, but a spoof on a very relevant topic. I didn't actually know you could write a book like this! There are so many annoying little things about parenting that deserve similar treatment. Perhaps this is the new wave of parenting books...a way to help us all laugh about how ridiculous so much of parenting can be. I'm looking forward to checking it out.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Sleep, Please?
As you may recall, we did a big bed switcheroo about 2 weeks ago. I am writing to tell you that things have not gotten any better with the little guy and I am exhausted. I am starting to live in a constant state of fog, am dropping things and generally becoming crankier and less coordinated. This is mostly due to the fact that our son is getting up many times each night crying and wandering into our room saying he's scared.
I don't know what it was about the crib, but apparently he really felt safe in there. Something about taking the bars down has unsettled him and I need to figure out how to make this situation better--for all of us.
I am tempted to re-build the crib and park it back in his room, but I think that may be sending the wrong message. What we need to do is convince him that he is safe and sound in his toddler bed in his very snuggly room.
We've got the nightlight, the sound of the waves, and the aquarium with music at the end of his bed. He's always got all his pacifiers which has become a necessary part of bedtime for him. I read books. I sing lullabies. I kiss his sweet forehead and tell him to "fait nice do do" (something my French Canadian Grandmother used to say to us). What else is there for us to do?
Any ideas you may have are more than welcome. How do we get the little guy to go back to his healthy naps and restful evening slumber??
I don't know what it was about the crib, but apparently he really felt safe in there. Something about taking the bars down has unsettled him and I need to figure out how to make this situation better--for all of us.
I am tempted to re-build the crib and park it back in his room, but I think that may be sending the wrong message. What we need to do is convince him that he is safe and sound in his toddler bed in his very snuggly room.
We've got the nightlight, the sound of the waves, and the aquarium with music at the end of his bed. He's always got all his pacifiers which has become a necessary part of bedtime for him. I read books. I sing lullabies. I kiss his sweet forehead and tell him to "fait nice do do" (something my French Canadian Grandmother used to say to us). What else is there for us to do?
Any ideas you may have are more than welcome. How do we get the little guy to go back to his healthy naps and restful evening slumber??
Parenting Pointers
A few weeks ago I was having a hard time remembering all the things I'm supposed to be doing to be an awesome Mom. So I jotted down some bullet points from my parenting classes and taped them up on the kitchen wall. I meant to share them here for Mother's Day, but was too busy having an awesome time by myself at the outlet mall (thanks to my husband for allowing me to take off for 7 hours--the best Mother's Day present I could have asked for!).
I hope some (or all) of the following points are helpful:
Remember:
I hope some (or all) of the following points are helpful:
Remember:
- Be a role model
- Act more and talk less
- Love the kids when they least deserve it because that's when they need it the most
- Appreciate and acknowledge effort
- Kids love being useful so put them to work
- Be firm but friendly
- Ask kids for their ideas
- Make time to play
- Set the stage for success
- Actively listen to them
- Mistakes are OK--it's how we learn
- Connection then correction
- Encourage, encourage. Not praise, praise.
- Explain "when...then..." For instance, "when you finish cleaning your room, then we can go to the park."
- Set limits and don't back down under pressure
- Train kids so they can be involved. Teach them responsibility
- Use a timer (like setting your cell phone alarm to go off when it's time to leave the park)
- Use reverse psychology
- Be more playful--make a joke to diffuse the tension
- Respect each other
- Let kids make choices
- Explain "either...or..." For instance, "either you wear the blue sweater or the green one. Your choice."
- Discipline, not punishment
- Be more specific so they can replicate the action in the future. For instance, "I noticed that..."
- Focus on the process, not the final product
- See things from their point of view and recognize their feelings
- Smiles, hugs, and kisses go a long way
- Stand back and don't rush in to rescue them
- Don't hold a grudge
- Simplify the kids environment
- Set realistic expectations
- Plan ahead so things can go smoothly
- Allow kids to experience the natural consequences of their actions
- Redirect attention
- Allow time for transitions
- Anticipate and prepare for difficult situations
- Stick to the routine
- Do not blow your stack when kids try to engage you in a battle--lead by example
- Have the courage to be imperfect
Friday, May 13, 2011
Growing Into Parenthood
I recently mentioned an article I had read about pre-baby marriage counseling to a dear friend who just had her second baby. She just happens to be a counselor herself and is interested in training to provide this kind of counseling.
You should check out this April 28, 2011 Wall Street Journal article, So Cute, So Hard on A Marriage, by Andrea Petersen. It is interesting reading and makes a lot of valid points. People don't know how stressful having a baby can be until they do it themselves. Partners also don't understand the kind of pressures and stresses having children can put on their marriage. So the idea of getting some pre-baby therapy could be pretty darn helpful for folks, I'd think.
I somehow managed to stumble upon the May 4th follow-up Letters to the Editor (I am not that dedicated of a reader). I found it amusing and disturbing that it was under the heading "Relax and Accept Parenthood Joyfully." Well of course we all want to relax and accept parenthood joyfully, but when it comes down to it, there is a lot of work that needs to be done which makes relaxing rather difficult, and there are many times when joy isn't exactly the emotion we are relating to.
From the tone of the letters, I am guessing they were mostly written by folks who have grown children and who have forgotten how demanding being a parent of young kids can be. The letters unfortunately appear to be anti-therapy and rather traditional in mindset. However, one particular letter from Sue Cuthbertson of Yucaipa, California, really stuck with me: "It takes time to grow into parenthood. Take a deep breath, don't expect a bed of roses, and love each other, remembering that love is an act of will. Then, when your children reach adulthood, you can exhale together and pat each other on the back for a job well done."
I thank Ms. Cuthbertson for drawing attention to the simple truth that it does take time to grow into parenthood, and I imagine we all do it on different time lines. Perhaps this is another factor which influences how successful marriages will be in navigating the ups and downs of life with kids.
All in all, I've always thought that people generally don't speak openly about difficult subjects (like having babies). There is an important distinction which is often overlooked; just because you acknowledge the difficulties of parenting, it does not mean you are not grateful to be a parent. I think if folks are wise enough to get a bit of advance training, it will only help them on their journey.
This one is for my sweet friend, K, over at A Mama Being.
You should check out this April 28, 2011 Wall Street Journal article, So Cute, So Hard on A Marriage, by Andrea Petersen. It is interesting reading and makes a lot of valid points. People don't know how stressful having a baby can be until they do it themselves. Partners also don't understand the kind of pressures and stresses having children can put on their marriage. So the idea of getting some pre-baby therapy could be pretty darn helpful for folks, I'd think.
I somehow managed to stumble upon the May 4th follow-up Letters to the Editor (I am not that dedicated of a reader). I found it amusing and disturbing that it was under the heading "Relax and Accept Parenthood Joyfully." Well of course we all want to relax and accept parenthood joyfully, but when it comes down to it, there is a lot of work that needs to be done which makes relaxing rather difficult, and there are many times when joy isn't exactly the emotion we are relating to.
From the tone of the letters, I am guessing they were mostly written by folks who have grown children and who have forgotten how demanding being a parent of young kids can be. The letters unfortunately appear to be anti-therapy and rather traditional in mindset. However, one particular letter from Sue Cuthbertson of Yucaipa, California, really stuck with me: "It takes time to grow into parenthood. Take a deep breath, don't expect a bed of roses, and love each other, remembering that love is an act of will. Then, when your children reach adulthood, you can exhale together and pat each other on the back for a job well done."
I thank Ms. Cuthbertson for drawing attention to the simple truth that it does take time to grow into parenthood, and I imagine we all do it on different time lines. Perhaps this is another factor which influences how successful marriages will be in navigating the ups and downs of life with kids.
All in all, I've always thought that people generally don't speak openly about difficult subjects (like having babies). There is an important distinction which is often overlooked; just because you acknowledge the difficulties of parenting, it does not mean you are not grateful to be a parent. I think if folks are wise enough to get a bit of advance training, it will only help them on their journey.
This one is for my sweet friend, K, over at A Mama Being.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Grocery Shoppin' Ladies
Last week in the parking lot of the grocery store, a woman gave me a kind look as I struggled to get the little guy into his car seat. I surfaced for air and she nodded and said "I remember those days. I used to ask myself, who are these people, and why are they torturing me?" I laughed. Then she told me her kids were now in their thirties and had kids of their own. "I don't know where the time went," she said.
I had had a rough morning and her comments help put it all in perspective.
Today the little guy and I were at another grocery store. He had been acting spazzy, but nothing dramatic or over the top. If you have little kids, I'm sure you're familiar with the art of drowning out the noise while you fill up your grocery cart.
All of a sudden a woman whips around and yells harshly in my sons face, "BE QUIET!!!!!!!" I jumped as the whole thing took me by such surprise. I stared at her, blood pumping through my veins, "DO NOT SPEAK TO MY CHILD THAT WAY!" Everyone in the aisle stopped and stared at the spectacle. Crazy lady and I went back and forth with harsh words about 3 times before I walked off in a state of shock. I couldn't believe I wanted to have a throw down with an old lady at Superfresh. After I told the cashier what had happened, she agreed that I had every right to beat her up (she too was a mother of a young child).
I have never seen anything like this occur before, so I'm unclear how I should have handled it. Frankly, the woman deserved at least a slap across the face--who yells at a 2 year old they don't even know? But that's not really the lesson I want to teach my son. As we made our escape from the crazy lady, the little guy said, "That lady mad. That lady mad." Indeed my dear son, that lady mad.
I had had a rough morning and her comments help put it all in perspective.
Today the little guy and I were at another grocery store. He had been acting spazzy, but nothing dramatic or over the top. If you have little kids, I'm sure you're familiar with the art of drowning out the noise while you fill up your grocery cart.
All of a sudden a woman whips around and yells harshly in my sons face, "BE QUIET!!!!!!!" I jumped as the whole thing took me by such surprise. I stared at her, blood pumping through my veins, "DO NOT SPEAK TO MY CHILD THAT WAY!" Everyone in the aisle stopped and stared at the spectacle. Crazy lady and I went back and forth with harsh words about 3 times before I walked off in a state of shock. I couldn't believe I wanted to have a throw down with an old lady at Superfresh. After I told the cashier what had happened, she agreed that I had every right to beat her up (she too was a mother of a young child).
I have never seen anything like this occur before, so I'm unclear how I should have handled it. Frankly, the woman deserved at least a slap across the face--who yells at a 2 year old they don't even know? But that's not really the lesson I want to teach my son. As we made our escape from the crazy lady, the little guy said, "That lady mad. That lady mad." Indeed my dear son, that lady mad.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Revelations
I'd like to admit something. Last week I was having a bit of a crisis. I was seriously questioning how much longer I was going to last as a stay-at-home Mama. I was feeling really heavy about it all and I was hoping the right answer would fall in my lap. As we know, life doesn't usually work like that.
As I struggled with all my whirling thoughts, I carried on with all my stay-at-home Mama duties.
On Cinco de Mayo, I decided to run off to the drug store to buy some nacho chips the babe could eat as she was allergic to some of the ingredients in the chips they had available in her class. I didn't want my little girl to be stuck with guacamole and no chips to eat at her class party. I was so happy to be able to do this simple thing for her and realized that I would not have been able to do it if I was late for the office. One of the babe's teachers, after realizing I had run to the store, said, "You're such a great Mom!" I'll admit that was very nice to hear.
On Friday morning the little guy and I got to hang out in the babe's class for a few hours as the babe's classmates took turns reading to me. Not only did I get to dive into my daughter's world, but I was reminded how different each child is and how behaviors and abilities cannot be compared. There is no "normal" when it comes to kids and I realized I need to lower my expectations of my 4 year old on a number of fronts (like sitting still at the table). Again, you can't do this kind of thing if you need to be at the office.
This brings me to a comment made by a Father of one of the students at the babe's school. He is always dressed casually and seems so happy (even though he appears to be chronically late). He never seems rushed and is always calm and loving towards his son. We had a little chat as we left the school together one morning. I asked him if he worked from home (being the nosy person I am). He told me he had an office but did most of his work from his home office. Then he made a comment which really stuck with me: "Nothing like being self employed."
I couldn't stop thinking about his words and I had a revelation of sorts. I want to be around to run my home and support my kids. I do not want to outsource my family and all the work that goes with it (please understand I mean no judgment on those who follow a different game plan!). But I do want something that will allow me to engage with the world in a different way. For some time I have been pondering what I want to be when I grow up. While there are many paths I could chose that would be fascinating, the one thing I am committed to is being an awesome Mom and Wife (work in progress).
But when it comes down to it, I also want to write. I realize that by announcing these intentions I am making a bit of a commitment to actually follow through, but I am going to start taking some baby steps. I am hopeful that moving forward with this idea will allow me to grow into a new part of my life.
Funny this should all happen in the week leading up to Mother's Day, no? So from now on, I am going to stop all my questioning, embrace the craziness and awesomeness of being a stay-at-home Mama and start brainstorming (ideas welcome).
As I struggled with all my whirling thoughts, I carried on with all my stay-at-home Mama duties.
On Cinco de Mayo, I decided to run off to the drug store to buy some nacho chips the babe could eat as she was allergic to some of the ingredients in the chips they had available in her class. I didn't want my little girl to be stuck with guacamole and no chips to eat at her class party. I was so happy to be able to do this simple thing for her and realized that I would not have been able to do it if I was late for the office. One of the babe's teachers, after realizing I had run to the store, said, "You're such a great Mom!" I'll admit that was very nice to hear.
On Friday morning the little guy and I got to hang out in the babe's class for a few hours as the babe's classmates took turns reading to me. Not only did I get to dive into my daughter's world, but I was reminded how different each child is and how behaviors and abilities cannot be compared. There is no "normal" when it comes to kids and I realized I need to lower my expectations of my 4 year old on a number of fronts (like sitting still at the table). Again, you can't do this kind of thing if you need to be at the office.
This brings me to a comment made by a Father of one of the students at the babe's school. He is always dressed casually and seems so happy (even though he appears to be chronically late). He never seems rushed and is always calm and loving towards his son. We had a little chat as we left the school together one morning. I asked him if he worked from home (being the nosy person I am). He told me he had an office but did most of his work from his home office. Then he made a comment which really stuck with me: "Nothing like being self employed."
I couldn't stop thinking about his words and I had a revelation of sorts. I want to be around to run my home and support my kids. I do not want to outsource my family and all the work that goes with it (please understand I mean no judgment on those who follow a different game plan!). But I do want something that will allow me to engage with the world in a different way. For some time I have been pondering what I want to be when I grow up. While there are many paths I could chose that would be fascinating, the one thing I am committed to is being an awesome Mom and Wife (work in progress).
But when it comes down to it, I also want to write. I realize that by announcing these intentions I am making a bit of a commitment to actually follow through, but I am going to start taking some baby steps. I am hopeful that moving forward with this idea will allow me to grow into a new part of my life.
Funny this should all happen in the week leading up to Mother's Day, no? So from now on, I am going to stop all my questioning, embrace the craziness and awesomeness of being a stay-at-home Mama and start brainstorming (ideas welcome).
Friday, May 6, 2011
Her Words
Perhaps I got my Mother's Day present early this year.
This morning as the babe, the little guy and I were driving to school, my daughter and I were having a discussion about all the work we do around our house and how we can try and get out the door more quickly in the morning. I was flustered as my children hadn't been listening to me when it came time to head to the door and put shoes and sweaters on. I was blathering on about being late, again.
I then proceeded onto the topic of how the babe can help us so things can move along a little smoother in the morning. The conversation then moved into discussing how my husband, otherwise known as "Papa," works hard so we can have food, clothes, and a home. The babe then chimed in, "Yeah, Mama. And you do all the work except going to work." And yes, by going to "work," my sweet girl meant "the office."
I went from being strung out and flustered to melting in one second flat. How insanely beautiful is that? I did not plant the seed so she could deliver a line like that. She did it all on her own.
And for the first time this week, I felt really appreciated, if only for a minute. It's almost as if she knew how badly I needed to hear that. Because being a Mama is hard. And it is moments like those where I stop questioning whether or not I am doing the right thing by being a stay-at-home-Mama right now. And that clarity, however brief, will hopefully fuel me until the next kind word, gesture or acknowledgement comes my way.
Hopefully I will be able to compose a reflectinve and inspiring post for Mother's Day this Sunday, but in case I don't, I leave you with this:
To all you great Moms out there who take care of business, Happy Mother's Day.
This morning as the babe, the little guy and I were driving to school, my daughter and I were having a discussion about all the work we do around our house and how we can try and get out the door more quickly in the morning. I was flustered as my children hadn't been listening to me when it came time to head to the door and put shoes and sweaters on. I was blathering on about being late, again.
I then proceeded onto the topic of how the babe can help us so things can move along a little smoother in the morning. The conversation then moved into discussing how my husband, otherwise known as "Papa," works hard so we can have food, clothes, and a home. The babe then chimed in, "Yeah, Mama. And you do all the work except going to work." And yes, by going to "work," my sweet girl meant "the office."
I went from being strung out and flustered to melting in one second flat. How insanely beautiful is that? I did not plant the seed so she could deliver a line like that. She did it all on her own.
And for the first time this week, I felt really appreciated, if only for a minute. It's almost as if she knew how badly I needed to hear that. Because being a Mama is hard. And it is moments like those where I stop questioning whether or not I am doing the right thing by being a stay-at-home-Mama right now. And that clarity, however brief, will hopefully fuel me until the next kind word, gesture or acknowledgement comes my way.
Hopefully I will be able to compose a reflectinve and inspiring post for Mother's Day this Sunday, but in case I don't, I leave you with this:
To all you great Moms out there who take care of business, Happy Mother's Day.
Our House
Over Easter, our new house had the chance to show off a bit. My parents, sister, brother and sister-no-law came down from Canada for a visit. Our house got to hold 9 of us over several days of eating, drinking, playing and generally having a lovely time.
It was the first time I have been able to have my whole family together in my own home, and it felt so nice. I now frequently remind myself of my Dad's kind words: "You have arrived."
So thanks to my family and thanks to my house. I love you all.
The Big Bed
It's been 7 days. Last Friday night the babe moved into a "big girl bed" with a twin size mattress and her Aunt's old teak bed frame. Getting the frame here from Canada was a bit of a "to do" as they say, but I now realize how special it is that the babe is sleeping in the bed her Aunt once slept in as a girl.
My daughter was just seeming rather large for her toddler bed. She was slightly crammed in there, and while she might have felt a sense of security, she has shown no sadness in passing along her bed to her little brother. The babe is now perched remarkably high from the ground as I seemed to have bought a massive mattress, but she is confident when she climbs in and hasn't fallen out once (so far). Just in case, I have a few big pillows placed strategically around the bed. Every day my babe continues to become a "big" girl. I am relieved she embraces these changes wholeheartedly. I try to do the same.
The little guy hasn't had such a smooth transition. We thought he was ready to move beyond the crib. He was easily unzipping himself from his sleep sack in the morning so we thought it was just a matter of time before he was climbing over the edge like his sister had once done. It hadn't happened yet, but it was just a matter of time. So we decided that the little guy would get his "new" bed the same day his sister got hers. A natural progression of sorts.
We got both beds set up simultaneously and did a big presentation of the new sleeping arrangements with both kids. I think the little guy was more excited about the babe's bed and kept screaming and crying saying it was his bed. Not the most positive reaction.
Things have gone OK with night time sleeps, with a few bumps and tears along the way. But our nap time has been a bit of a drama. The babe is usually at school when the little guy naps. He has always been a great day time napper and never made an issue of me tucking him in for a nap in his old crib. Apparently tucking him into a toddler bed is a very different thing in his head. I have spent hours this week walking up the stairs and delivering him back to his new bed. He proceeds to get back up and cry at the gate at the top of the stairs. I knew we were losing the control the crib had brought us, but I guess I didn't realize how determined he would be. I am proud that I have generally kept my cool with the situation as I know he is having a tough time with this transition, but I am hoping within a few more days things will go back to the way they used to be. Nap time is a precious time for me as well.
Now on to my feelings (because you want to know, right?). I took pictures as we moved beds, set up new beds and took apart the crib. We have had just one crib in use since the babe was born almost 4.5 years ago. I am extremely attached to the crib and am sad to see it go up to the attic. I am not so sad that I want to have another baby, but I am sad enough that I had to make a note of it here. My babies are growing up and that is what I wanted. It still tugs on my heart strings to say good bye to a piece of furniture that has played such a big role in our lives for the past few years. To watch my children go from looking so itty bitty and helpless in the crib to so big that I think they are going to climb over the edge has been quite a journey. Saying good bye to the co-sleeper was hard. Saying good bye to the crib is harder. Perhaps I am more sentimental than I thought.
My daughter was just seeming rather large for her toddler bed. She was slightly crammed in there, and while she might have felt a sense of security, she has shown no sadness in passing along her bed to her little brother. The babe is now perched remarkably high from the ground as I seemed to have bought a massive mattress, but she is confident when she climbs in and hasn't fallen out once (so far). Just in case, I have a few big pillows placed strategically around the bed. Every day my babe continues to become a "big" girl. I am relieved she embraces these changes wholeheartedly. I try to do the same.
The little guy hasn't had such a smooth transition. We thought he was ready to move beyond the crib. He was easily unzipping himself from his sleep sack in the morning so we thought it was just a matter of time before he was climbing over the edge like his sister had once done. It hadn't happened yet, but it was just a matter of time. So we decided that the little guy would get his "new" bed the same day his sister got hers. A natural progression of sorts.
We got both beds set up simultaneously and did a big presentation of the new sleeping arrangements with both kids. I think the little guy was more excited about the babe's bed and kept screaming and crying saying it was his bed. Not the most positive reaction.
Things have gone OK with night time sleeps, with a few bumps and tears along the way. But our nap time has been a bit of a drama. The babe is usually at school when the little guy naps. He has always been a great day time napper and never made an issue of me tucking him in for a nap in his old crib. Apparently tucking him into a toddler bed is a very different thing in his head. I have spent hours this week walking up the stairs and delivering him back to his new bed. He proceeds to get back up and cry at the gate at the top of the stairs. I knew we were losing the control the crib had brought us, but I guess I didn't realize how determined he would be. I am proud that I have generally kept my cool with the situation as I know he is having a tough time with this transition, but I am hoping within a few more days things will go back to the way they used to be. Nap time is a precious time for me as well.
Now on to my feelings (because you want to know, right?). I took pictures as we moved beds, set up new beds and took apart the crib. We have had just one crib in use since the babe was born almost 4.5 years ago. I am extremely attached to the crib and am sad to see it go up to the attic. I am not so sad that I want to have another baby, but I am sad enough that I had to make a note of it here. My babies are growing up and that is what I wanted. It still tugs on my heart strings to say good bye to a piece of furniture that has played such a big role in our lives for the past few years. To watch my children go from looking so itty bitty and helpless in the crib to so big that I think they are going to climb over the edge has been quite a journey. Saying good bye to the co-sleeper was hard. Saying good bye to the crib is harder. Perhaps I am more sentimental than I thought.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tid Bits
It's been a while. And there has been a lot going on. And really, you're used to my excuses, aren't you?
There's just a couple very sweet tid bits I wanted to get out there before they are forgotten.
A few weeks ago I was dropping the babe off at school with the little guy in tow (as usual). We headed over to the elevator, which we do on days when the stairs are particularly busy and I am particularly impatient. As the babe went to press the "UP" button, she casually remarked how cool it was that they had moved the buttons down and it was easier for her to press them. I clued in to what she was saying and replied that in fact, it was she that was growing taller and was now able to hit the "UP" button without being lifted or having to drag over the "mini" steps from the water fountain. This was a morning interaction that warmed me up inside and put a huge smile on both our faces.
Another tid bit. The little guy and I were in the kitchen when he walked over to the coffee pot, pointed at it and said, "I need coffee? I need it." Again, I could do nothing but smile and reply that he didn't yet "need" the coffee, but one day he may enjoy it, just like his Mama. I suppose that's what I get for sticking bags of ground coffee beans under my kids noses all the time.
There's just a couple very sweet tid bits I wanted to get out there before they are forgotten.
A few weeks ago I was dropping the babe off at school with the little guy in tow (as usual). We headed over to the elevator, which we do on days when the stairs are particularly busy and I am particularly impatient. As the babe went to press the "UP" button, she casually remarked how cool it was that they had moved the buttons down and it was easier for her to press them. I clued in to what she was saying and replied that in fact, it was she that was growing taller and was now able to hit the "UP" button without being lifted or having to drag over the "mini" steps from the water fountain. This was a morning interaction that warmed me up inside and put a huge smile on both our faces.
Another tid bit. The little guy and I were in the kitchen when he walked over to the coffee pot, pointed at it and said, "I need coffee? I need it." Again, I could do nothing but smile and reply that he didn't yet "need" the coffee, but one day he may enjoy it, just like his Mama. I suppose that's what I get for sticking bags of ground coffee beans under my kids noses all the time.
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