A First

Today I had my first MRI. It's just like on TV, except on TV you see the person in there for a minute and then they move on to the next scene.  In reality, half my body was in the tube for 40 minutes.  I was not allowed to move.  I was in a "superwoman" position on my stomach with one arm above my head.  It was the longest 40 minutes I've experienced in some time. 

I wasn't going to get into my recent health stuff on this blog until I had more information.  But I've now been to 3 doctors appointments, had blood work, x-rays, and now an MRI, and I just felt like sharing.

When I started weaning the little guy in January I began to notice some hand stiffness at night, usually when I was up to check on the kids or go to the bathroom.  I thought it was odd but expected it would clear up when my hormones got back to normal.  The weaning was a gradual process and was all wrapped up in March.  At this point my hands were so stiff at night I could no longer make a fist after periods of inactivity.  So I called our family doctor.

He told me it could be the beginning stages of osteoarthritis.  He did some blood work and the tests came back negative for a host of issues including lupus, Lyme disease and rheumatoid arthritis.  My doc told me to keep on eye on it and let him know if it got worse or if my hands started to swell.  I was also instructed to take Advil.

A few weeks later I decided that was not a good enough answer.  So I went to a Rheumatologist/arthritis specialist.  The new doc has put me on a whole bunch of ibuprofen as the original medication he chose was making me seriously nauseous all day.  He's now run a bunch of blood tests and x-rays and has not come up with anything (although apparently about one third of rheumatoid arthritis cases don't show up on blood tests).  So he sent me for an MRI.

I had not been overly concerned about the MRI until I saw the machine and was told what would happen over the next 45 minutes.  And the reason I have to share all this is because of the crazy thoughts that ran through my head as I lay immobile in that loud, cold, scary tube.  I worried they would find something that will affect my ability to be a Mom.  I worried that the scans will lead to more tests and eventually to some bad news.  I worried that I could have a disease that is going to get worse and worse until I can no longer take care of myself, let alone my kids.

I know as Mothers we all have these worries.  But today, lying in that machine, they all came exploding into my head.  When a tear escaped my eye I realized I had to pull it together.  So instead of worrying, I focused on trying to relax and thinking about the mocha I was going to treat myself to after I got the hell out of the tube.  And you'll appreciate that I paid for my mocha treat with the money I got back for returning my crappy dishwasher detergent.

I guess I will have to keep you all posted now...that's what I get for sharing.